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I honestly wouldn't be resentful if it was my choice. I was tricked saying I will be doing companion work and that's it. Promises from sisters for days off. We were super were supposed to rotate it and hire a caregiver. I was intimidated into doing it because they knew that they could get away with it because of my personality and dismiss me as being too sensitive or drama starter to make me doubt myself. It was my aggressive sister who backed out and didn't help that suggested that we don't need a caregiver because we are family and should do it together and the one that suggested that it won't be fair that we got paid and suggest exactly how it should be done. Yet this sister was only going to help us at one point as the paid caregiver yet she made such a fuss when I was getting paid. She got her feelings hurt when me and my sister were upset with her trying that and my mom was paying her for little work and I had to pay my grandma for being her live in caregiver.
I had to call them out and speak up to get it to stop. I even bought it up to my grandma who would praise them when she sent my cousin to get me to refill her coffee when I was getting ready for work.

My gradma was not kind but she praised the siblings that didn't help while I got the most criticized and did most of it. The sister that came to bathe her and eventually caught on as a regular thing and came often when she realized she needed it was the only one who did not criticize me. I would try to bathe her when I got home from work but she wanted a morning bath but didn't want to take it early enough so I can leave for work. She wanted to take it right when it was time for me to leave for work and wanted to fill the tub and make it a bubble bath to be difficult on purpose. My sister caught on and started to come and give her a bath. This one never came to me to say grandma said you are not doing it right but the cousin and sister that abandon me would come over and inspect the place. They were supposed to help and there was supposed to be a caregiver but I learned that the sister said it doesn't make sense to hire one since I am living rent free and put it in my grandma's head. They would also give her alcohol and leave and tell me I can't leave because she can't walk on her own since she is drinking. The only breaks I was given was to help my sister and I had to come back after helping her exhausted and grandma scolded me for not going with my sister to her AA meetings when I couldn't even leave but didn't say anything to her other grandchildren

Just tell called them and said I received your lotto ticket but not your reply for help.
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I have three brothers and a sister and none of them help. My sister gets my Mom for a day or two about every three months and none of my brothers do anything. Well my oldest brother pops in every two months or so. He stays for about 30 minutes or less. So everything is on me when it comes to taking care of OUR mother. Not to mention I am the youngest! Two of my brothers don't even visit and barely call.
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If you are the child who has the health problems, then you will be the one to be saddled with the care of the parent. So beware. Now that I'm looking after my dad, my brother is going to have to help or it's a nursing home. I'm at the point where I don't care who gets offended when I speak the truth.
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cherokeegrrl54 Aug 2020
Tell it sister!!!!
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Oh yeah I know them! The 'BIG EXPERT ADVICE GIVER' sister that does NOTHING to help her own mom. Just tons of excuses.
But of course THEY know everything. Especially telling you how to do and run things. But of course they are never around to actually do it.
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Arp1754 Aug 2020
I know the critical sister too well. I had to deal with that. She would not help but make suggestions that would make my job harder and criticize me to my face and to family pushing them to criticize me as well which she would call "opening their eyes" she would compete with the other grandchildren to leave first when I was at work so she would not be stuck with grandma. When the grandchildren visit was supposed to be my relief she would not even ask her for a sandwich. The other grandchildren would not even grab her a glass of water. They would grab me to do it and this sibling had my grandma put the cup in my face in a demanding manner when I walked by because it was my duty to do it alone. Every time this sibling came, which was rare she made my job so much harder by recommending grandma that this doesn't look right so I have to rearrange the room and when she was going to hire a handy man she made a fuss about it that is what family is for but I was the one that had to do the heavy lifting.
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I had an "advice-giver" tell me she could not help me because I was making the caregiving "too complicated" and that wasn't her fault. The implied message was that I was trying to make it look like more work than it really was to justify my exhaustion and increasing lack of patience with LO. Advice-giver then gave several suggestions (demands) on how I could streamline things better - of course suggestions were mainly things that I'd already tried and found they did not work. Other suggestions she made were things that would have been nice, but were not things that truly streamlined things much - in fact, several of the things that were supposed to simplify would have only been additional duties for me. She topped it all off with an odd threat that I'd better get on track with things and stop looking for excuses to "dump" LO in a NH. Wow.
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FloridaDD Aug 2020
You'ld better get on track?  What was her plan, use a Glock to force  you?
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Oh I recognize these stories. Especially how people get used to catering to them cause they don't want to be on their bad side. Very true!

My mom has been gone for five years now but during the time I took care of her I used to shake my head at my one narc sister. She never did anything but when there were care meetings.( I think she attended one.) She came in with her notebook and pen acting like she was in charge. Or the times we called ambulances for my mom she'd be bustling around acting all important. She even flirted with one of the paramedics right in front of her husband while mom was being taken out in very serious condition. Nauseating.

While I know it's all over and I should have moved on and I have mostly. I still think back and get annoyed all over again. But this isn't anything new. My siblings have always treated me with a lack of respect. They all knew I was doing everything for mom and they just couldn't find it in themselves to give me any credit. To them I'll always be the scapegoat. I only see them at Christmas now but I see how they all try to relegate me back to what they are comfortable with which is little sis who they love to put down and treat like crap. The only difference now is I see it and let them know that it hasn't gone unnoticed where in the past I would just never say anything cause I didn't want to rock the boat.
I truly don't care anymore honestly. I don't need them in my life.
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