How do you continue to be a caregiver when your parent has always had some form of mental illness...in my case Narcissitic Personality Disorder. My mother has always suffered from this and now trying to be a more closely caretaker is bringing me down. No one is realizing I cannot take care of her by myself. She is crafty and her aging just makes is all much worse. More and more calls from neighbors to the police or paramedics with her stunts. They say she cannot be alone but I cannot tolerate to be around her. She refuses to go to a nursing home, so now trying to find someone who will at least come and check on her a couple times a day at least to give her her psych meds. There is no one to help me. I have been of work for almost a month on FMLA and it seems to be a waste of my time, since she can do many things by herself...(she just tore apart the patio cleaning it ...an 85 year old pushing and pulling couches and vacumns...) mental illness in an aging parent..HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been feeling stress for a long time. But that kind of stress is different. I usually end up with a cold or Cold Sore after that type of stress.
But around my mother, the ill feeling is a totally different type. We have the worst time in a car together. I can't just go read a book to unwind. I was driving her to an initial appointment with a new Psychiatrist, only we had to reschedule, because I mistakenly mixed up the time. They preferred we not come today, so I had to turn around mid-journey.
I was thinking, that's OK, because it saved me an hour's worth of round trip driving. But the problem with Mom is, she wigs out while I'm driving, and starts saying stupid or nasty things. I couldn't wait to get her back home and out of my car. It's weird, but she knows I can't avoid her confrontation, so her tirades escalate. Distance is the only thing that relieves this feeling. I wasn't tired, or out of sorts. I just couldn't wait to escape her rantings! She is wicked mean, and started demanding I do such and such for her... (Like I wanted to do anything at that point.)
Earlier, I had called a cab company to take her to the appointment. They want $70.00 each way! I'm the only family around; my sister lives 9 hours away, and public transportation won't take her out of the county, where her appointment is. So I got the lovely duty of transporting her...this time. She may have to go by ambulance the next time she needs something. I don't mean to be rude, but I think I'm busy that day.
Oh yes it is something else, she has driven me crazy most of my life and she is not done yet! Yesterday I found her in the garden pulling on plants that are okay instead of weeds....she could not stand that I was starting to take care of the garden and has to have her fingers always over mine. The other day I had a Home Depot bag and some merchandise and the receipt for a return she had the receipt all crumpled up and shoved inside the bag, good thing I found everything. If I don't want something touched I have to hide it from her. She will not go into a nursing home, she says I am trying to kick her out of her house. I went to an attorney and learned about Conservatorship as you have done. But that is a real mess, I am saving that for last. If she pulls another crazy disruptive stunt and not take her meds she's gone! She is sooo stressfull. I have been over there everyday for a month. I have run the whole gamut of phone calls and places and got to many dead ends. The only thing I have is a psychotherapist that comes every week to her..and they just bullshit talk...yeah that's helpful. A social worker who knows her whole story and some in home care help on tues/thurs 4 hrs a day...so let see. I set up her med boxes which she likes to play dumb about, but if she trips up again...it will be conservatorship. She is a very devious person inside, even though people think little old lady!
I can relate, as my Mom was just diagnosed with "a serious personality disorder," (of unknown variety). So, we're still awaiting further diagnosis. I can relate to both the stress side of things, and the craftiness. I can also relate to a Mom who likes to move heavy furniture (mine has back pain which make it worse). She also like to vacuum - in the middle of the night! I'm finding the illness "comes and goes" with my Mom. She seems to do fine with some people, and in some circles, but does just terrible around me and my family. I don't have a bit of advice, as I'm new to this type of thinking and am looking for answers myself. But just want you to know you're not alone.
I petitioned the court, and was granted Guardianship, and Mom declared a "Legally Incapicated Individual." How sad for her! We have only recently received a diagnosis after a referral to a Geriatric Assessment Clinic. I suspected Dementia, but could get no confirmation. She passed all the tests. When they told me she had a PD, it threw me for a loop. Although, in looking back over a lifetime of ups and downs with her, I can see where they got their diagnosis. She is also being treated for depression. They are giving her some medication for this, and it seems to have made a difference in the way she behaves. Mom seems less angry and combative. That could also be due to the boundaries I have recently been practicing and putting in place for my own "sanity" and stress levels around her.
I was wondering, what is FMLA? Sounds like things get very serious if you have police and paramedics involved at times. Does she end up in ER? I think I'd be feeling the strain from that as you are. What does her Physician say? Is she seeing a competent Geriatric Specialist, and does he/she have a treatment plan? Additionally, I've heard there are support groups for those who have to deal with loved ones with these types of disorders. Have you found one near you? I will be looking for your posts, to see what you find out there.
yearight gave good advice, when she said, "Hang in there." Don't lose yourself while caring for your Mom. There have to be some answers for you and your Mom. So sorry you're struggling. Will keep you, your Mom, and your situation in prayer. Take care of yourself in the process.