How do I keep my job and apartment when I'm exhausted from caregiver situation??

I think you are making things more difficult than you have to. You have POA, use it. Send him to day care, have somebody come in for him to prepare his meals if necessary. You did not mention if you had medical power of attorney but if you do you could probably admit him to a nursing home at least for a short time.
There are a lot of resources out there you are not using. Take advantage of them.

Wow...There are so many of us with these issues and questions. What I don't see here are ANY easy answers! I too have been caring for my father for eight years and deal with constant exhaustion from juggling my work and family and his care. Both my husband and I are having health problems and wonder if he will outlive us! We are considering placement in an AFH but we know it will destroy him! So right now we are sacrificing our lives for a 93 year old with Alzheimer's who has not wanted to live since he lost my Mother 9 years ago! At what point do we choose our own life over his wishes?

I would find out what services can help you care for your parent. However, as a society we don't have enough services available for middle class elderly. We have programs for the poor ( not good ones but programs). However, use your parents' funds to help him/her stay at home as long as possible. If you exhaust his money, then you may have to "qualify" for a medicaid nursing home. Most times this is inferior to living at home with home health aide and family support --but unfortunately that is all we do in this country.

Sad to say but we as a nation don't value the elderly or their family caregivers.
We talk the talk but we don't walk the walk. The need for nursing home placements represent a failure of our society. We need alternatives so the elderly can "age in place" (in their homes where they want to be). Isolation in a nursing home with ever changing staff turn over--not the best.

Hang in there but you are walking a very difficult road. I walked it and made it work--but it is very difficult.

Elizabeth

Here's my short version: The situation with my grandmother involved Adult Protective Services. I called them for assistance and they immediately confirmed that my grandmother, who was 93, was self neglecting herself (not taking meds, eating poorly, at high risk for falling, living in a non-sanitary home, DRIVING). It came down to ADS telling her it was unsafe on many levels for her to stay in her home and she could come live with me or they would take the legal steps to remove her from her home. That also meant her assets would be made available to keep her in a nursing home. If nothing else, my grandmother understands when she's going to lose money! She chose the lesser of the two evils and came to live with me. APS continued to monitor my grandmother in my home for several months and kept in touch with me with support. They truly are wonderful.

Maybe Adult Protective Service can help you with this process in the same way?

Hello, thank you all so much for your time and your answers. I appreciate it so much. I was crying and praying in the car the other night and then I saw all these answers...and this site has been a lifesaver. Lizann - some really good points, thank you! Eddie, great suggestions, awesome:) TDH yes this was recommended to me recently and I think this could be a good resource. I have already contacted Area Agency on Aging (he dismissed several of those LOL) and they gave him temporary care for awhile. I do have an attorney but can't really afford it at the moment...also have talked to many of his doctors but not the new PCP because he just changed. There are what like 6 doctors to keep track of now? Taking one day at a time helps!

My heart goes out to all of you. I have just finished my four year stent. I lost my father 11/20/13, My daughter who helped me with my father on 11/20/14 and my mother last month. The stories I read are exactly what I have been through. It is a hard hard job. One I was honored to do. I gave up alot but I gained even more. The struggles do not end, they only become different. I was looking forward to rest and relaxation and the time to honor those I lost. Energy,Time and money are the quickest things to disappear. That is of course after the siblings. I was one out of four adopted children. My parents loved us all and would have taken care of any of us and for as long as necessary. My parents asked me for help and I was happy to do so. It was not like I really had a choice as my siblings were not even around enough to know they required help. when they did visit, the topic was always about their money. I allowed my parents to be who they were. We were not only parents and child, We were friends. I actually enjoyed my parents. Now that I have as gracefully and not without errors done everything I could in the best way possible for them. They both wanted to die at home and they did. The personal rewards I got for this is amazing. This was my choice. I quit my job and I asked for nothing from my siblings. I found help when needed and I kept as sane as possible. I did not expect them to help or even thank me. What I experienced from them was no where near this. My son had moved in to help me. One brother is homeless and on drugs, one sister has not spoke to my parents for 20 years and my older brother who is moral and just and is never wrong. Although none of them get along. I have always gotten along with all of them. I never judged them, they were my family. My parents put me as a joint owner on a bank account and told me and everyone they knew they wanted me to have the house and everything in it. All was fine until less than a month before my mother passes. She asked my brother to make sure I got the house and the belongings. He had been executor of our trust account for 40 plus years. His family was here and so were three other people. I was not. He asked her what?, His wife asked why? and my mother repeated it louder. I was told purposely so everyone in the house could hear. My brother now denies it happened and says if it had, she did not mean it. He has accused me of using drugs, abusing my parents, neglect and last but not least, stealing their money with illusions of self entitlement. He sent my sister this information and they both have decided to come out of the woodwork to ensure I do not take their fair share. I did not ask my mom to do this. I would have left it all alone. Now I am so shocked and so hurt that It has affected me for ever. This is much harder mentally and physically than anything I have done for my parents. I find it absolutely amazing that these people that had nothing to do with them are now out of the woodwork and pointing fingers. He has resigned as executor and I am next in line. They have written me 10 day notices and I am to leave the house or pay rent. I now spend my time scared of them and researching law instead of time honoring my child and my parents. I am angry, mad, disappointed, scared, alone and missing my everyone more than ever. Four years and at anytime he could have asked my parents what they wanted and or resigned. They could have asked me what my intentions were. But to TELL me what I am to do and TELL me that everything I did for my parents was wrong. To threaten me and kick my son and I out knowing I quit my job 4 years ago to do this.

Take a deep breath, know you are appreciated even when your parents dont say you are and enjoy as much as you can of it. I also have heard that God has a special place in heaven for caregivers.

This is 2015, the question posted was from 2013. Someone asked for the easy answer. Here it is:
Have you not heard and understood that you cannot be all things to all people ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ????

I know it's hard I'm a RN and do 12 hour shifts . Mom goes to senior daycare while I'm at work then I have a care giver let her in until I get home . I do it all alone it's exhausting but I do it ...