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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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I’m going through the same thing! I am EXHAUSTED. Menopause is kicking my butt! And I dragged my boyfriend with me. I am around the clock and wish I had time to work! So me? My parents were there for me and never ever turned their backs. Not financially. Not physically. Not emotionally. My Mom tries to give me $ but she’s 84!!! I couldn’t IMAGINE anything BUT being her caregiver until she needs more care or we decide otherwise. I Was shocked that because she has Medicare for I couldn’t get paid!! Good luck love!
Stacy, if either parent is a military veteran, call your county veterans service to find out what benefits are available for them and to pay you. In my county, this local service is located in the county courthouse. They interface with the US VA and can be very helpful.
Also be aware that income you receive for taking care of parents must be reported to the IRS. They should withhold part of your salary to pay taxes, etc. Bookkeeping will need to be done. Tax forms need to be generated as any employer would do. Insurance for workers in the home (you) should be provided. If you must be their employee, do it right so you’re not hit with surprises later on.
Caring for parents at home is difficult. Don’t believe the hype about how everyone loves each other and they all get along. It doesn’t always work that way and can be a nightmare from which you can’t escape. Be careful!
Stacy, for your folks to get services they will have to show they are “at need” for whatever the eligibility criteria is for a program. What the criteria is & what types of documentation required will vary by State. What NC does will be very much different than what NYS does or TX does. So you will have to research this out. Now all States have Area (Council) on Aging with staff who gather up info on just what is available in their region. Look up the AoA for your State and then go to the website for yours. Just what each office does varies.
AoA are a part of a larger entity which is the Area Council of XYZ Region. They exist (somewhat subterranean) as funded by Federal $, State $, counties & cities as they deal with regional planning and development coordinating, e.g. transportation stuff as it crosses jurisdictional boundaries. The AoA is a sector of its parent Area Council and tends to be its own free standing unit with full time paid staffers. It’s your tax $ at work, so utilize’em!
Imho If you are going to be the family member who helps them, imho you have to be 1a. their POA and the POA done so that you have full financials…. like you can sell their house if need be. And the POA is best drawn up by an elder law attorney. & at the same time they can do their will or an update to their old will (a codicil); 1b. Be their MPOA medical power of attorney so that you can make decisions on their behalf if they are unable to do so; 2. a signatory on all their bank accounts so that if need be you sign checks to pays their bills or use a debit card to do things like this; 3. the folks both create their own online SSA account and done so that you know how to access it for them. It’s super important as SSA does not - !DOES NOT!- recognize POA so either you will need to be able to help them access their accounts or they assign you to be their representative payee. SSA has forms for this, but the folks have to be able to do this on their own.
To me those 3 are the basics that you have to have to be able to do for them.
Now on getting services…… almost all programs will have some type of “at need” requirement. And is tied into their incomes & resources. So you will have to have a solid idea of where they are financially. What their income is every month, what they have in savings, what their debt is like, if house is mortgage free & what it costs for them to live in it.
Fwiw right now is the time of the year for most areas, that annual property tax bill has gone out. Find that bill as it is super important for financial planning & any future filings for Long Term Care Medicaid, (program that will pay for custodial care in a facility). Find out if they are current on property taxes & have every possible exemption on taxes. If the “value” is crazy high so not accurate, that is something that you as POA can deal with later on in 2026.
Unless your folks have serious amounts of savings, it will likely be that eventually 1 of them will be best off in a SNF and they will file for LtC Medicaid. It is very documentation heavy and you will need having a POA and having access to their finances in order to do the LTC Medicaid application.
On Medicare. MediCARE is health insurance & if they worked 40qtrs their Part A premium is free and their part B is abt $180 a mo taken from their mo. SSA income. You need to find their Medicare cards and also whatever they have for their supplemental or gap health insurance to go with their Original Medicare. If they switched to a Medicare Advantage Plan that is a whole other issue.
As Medicare is health insurance, it is only pay for things that can be billed for services medical. It does not cover services that are custodial or residential. Those type of services are typically done by Medicaid programs or by State/Co. programs for lower income. The AoA should have details on this. Ask AoA about Community based Medicaid programs or perhaps PACE. Good luck and stay organized!
Thank you so much for your reply. I will pray about this as I am a widow and I do have grown children and an amazing grandson who also need my help so I am stretched quite thin. Your awareness of both physical and mental health are spot on and I really do need to think about that. Have a blessed holiday season!
Stacy, thank you for your replies below. I suggest that you and your parents schedule a Zoom meeting with an Elder Law attorney. If they expect you to continue living with them and providing their care, they will need to share their full financial picture with you and the lawyer. It may feel awkward but now that they need care, they need expert advice and if they want you to provide or arrange for it, you need to know where things stand.
The lawyer can advise on whether there is payment available to you. If not, your parents will need to pay you directly, with a contract and appropriate taxes, or you will need to go back to your own home and job while they hire someone else.
I do not know anywhere near all the details of how this is managed. I've learned a lot from others here, though, who do have more expertise.
The lawyer can go over the various options and future scenarios, including Medicaid. Make sure their wills are updated to what they want them to do. Any trust as well. Make sure they have both medical and financial POAs.
Do you have a spouse, children, grandchildren who you are missing time with because of moving in with your parents? Please don't neglect them because you feel too obligated to your parents.
I hope you can find solutions that work for all of you, and that enable you to protect your health, both physical and mental.
I agree with others who suggested your parents should pay you directly if at all possible.
Or, if you are thinking about LTC in a facility you can look into a QIT (Qualified Income Trust) where your parents' "overage" goes into this special trust to that they then can qualify financially -- but then they have to qualify medically as well. I'm not sure it's available in every state but maybe consult with a Medicaid Planner for their home state.
I am around the clock as my mom is physically disabled and has Chron’s Disease. My dad has been her full time caregiver but he is 81 and has congestive heart failure. He is tired. As far as their finances I am not privy to all of that info, but they are not eligible for Medicaid and are on Medicaid.
Your folks have some type of income…. Like they both get SSA retirement income or perhaps a pension /other retirements. They can do a Personal Care Agreement for you to provide services and they pay you & pay you a hourly rate that is comparable to what a home health agency in yiur area pays their workers. Ideally it would be done by an attorney for however this is best done for your States contract laws. And they would pay you all above board with FICA done. Which will be important for your own eventual retirement income from SSA.
On their “not Medicaid eligible” so they each actually filed for IHHS / in home healthcare services done through a Community Based Medicaid program in your State? What was the determination for the denial / ineligibility letters sent by State Medicaid for each of them? The reasons for each of them getting denied will matter as to what other programs they might be able to access.
Or is “Medicaid ineligible” based on what you have heard the program is like for those who are looking for Medicaid to pay for costs in a facility, like a NH? That is LTC Medicaid and it is a different application and different “at need” medically and financially requirements.
Thank you! You are a lot more knowledgeable than me. I am just starting this process and am not sure where to start. ”IHHS / in home healthcare services done through a Community Based Medicaid program in your State” - I am unaware of this program or process. We are in NC. They do have Medicare. Do you know of any options with this?
Unless their home has a very high appraisal value, imho doing a RM is only putting a band aid on a much bigger problem.
RM lend btw 40-50/55% of appraised value. Plus the old owners have to still be responsible and pay for taxes, maintenance, repairs and property insurance. The insurance requirement often is problematic because now as this RM is new lending, they have to be full tilt for all property insurance required. So if they are in an area that has in addition to the standard Homeowners, has Flood, or Windstorm, or Earthquake, it’s going to be quite a tidy sum for insurance.
Often elderly parents have years if not decades of delayed maintenance on their home. Their HO policy is low as it’s based on property value from ages ago, Having a RM upends their situation.
If they have a home valued at 800K/900K an RM can make sense if 1 of them need a NH but the other spouse doesn’t as RM provides for $ to pay for the NH while the healthy spouse continues to happily live in their home for years and years and draw from the RM till they die or themselves finally need to move into a NH. But for a couple with a modest home and both of them are at the cusp of needing care in a facility, to me, doing a RM is just a bandaid on the situation and itself leads to all sort of issues for the POA and family.
Your parents should pay you! If they aren't Medicaid eligible, they must have some money to pay you, or an in-home caregiver, or go to a facility where others will care for them. I'm afraid there's no magic fairy who alights in front of you with a big fat check for taking care of elders.
Having been a caregiver for both of my parents, I'd advise you not to take on this huge job just because they expect it of you. They'll get worse, and you'll get exhausted. Check out some facilities where they will have 24/7 care, entertainment, outings, friends, and in-house medical care. Tell them such care would be better for all of you, and lovingly refuse to take on the job.
I wish you luck in finding the right situation for them - and for you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My Mom tries to give me $ but she’s 84!!! I couldn’t IMAGINE anything BUT being her caregiver until she needs more care or we decide otherwise. I Was shocked that because she has Medicare for I couldn’t get paid!!
Good luck love!
Also be aware that income you receive for taking care of parents must be reported to the IRS. They should withhold part of your salary to pay taxes, etc. Bookkeeping will need to be done. Tax forms need to be generated as any employer would do. Insurance for workers in the home (you) should be provided. If you must be their employee, do it right so you’re not hit with surprises later on.
Caring for parents at home is difficult. Don’t believe the hype about how everyone loves each other and they all get along. It doesn’t always work that way and can be a nightmare from which you can’t escape. Be careful!
AoA are a part of a larger entity which is the Area Council of XYZ Region. They exist (somewhat subterranean) as funded by Federal $, State $, counties & cities as they deal with regional planning and development coordinating, e.g. transportation stuff as it crosses jurisdictional boundaries. The AoA is a sector of its parent Area Council and tends to be its own free standing unit with full time paid staffers. It’s your tax $ at work, so utilize’em!
Imho If you are going to be the family member who helps them, imho you have to be 1a. their POA and the POA done so that you have full financials…. like you can sell their house if need be. And the POA is best drawn up by an elder law attorney. & at the same time they can do their will or an update to their old will (a codicil); 1b. Be their MPOA medical power of attorney so that you can make decisions on their behalf if they are unable to do so; 2. a signatory on all their bank accounts so that if need be you sign checks to pays their bills or use a debit card to do things like this; 3. the folks both create their own online SSA account and done so that you know how to access it for them. It’s super important as SSA does not - !DOES NOT!- recognize POA so either you will need to be able to help them access their accounts or they assign you to be their representative payee. SSA has forms for this, but the folks have to be able to do this on their own.
To me those 3 are the basics that you have to have to be able to do for them.
Now on getting services…… almost all programs will have some type of “at need” requirement. And is tied into their incomes & resources. So you will have to have a solid idea of where they are financially. What their income is every month, what they have in savings, what their debt is like, if house is mortgage free & what it costs for them to live in it.
Fwiw right now is the time of the year for most areas, that annual property tax bill has gone out. Find that bill as it is super important for financial planning & any future filings for Long Term Care Medicaid, (program that will pay for custodial care in a facility). Find out if they are current on property taxes & have every possible exemption on taxes. If the “value” is crazy high so not accurate, that is something that you as POA can deal with later on in 2026.
Unless your folks have serious amounts of savings, it will likely be that eventually 1 of them will be best off in a SNF and they will file for LtC Medicaid. It is very documentation heavy and you will need having a POA and having access to their finances in order to do the LTC Medicaid application.
On Medicare. MediCARE is health insurance & if they worked 40qtrs their Part A premium is free and their part B is abt $180 a mo taken from their mo. SSA income. You need to find their Medicare cards and also whatever they have for their supplemental or gap health insurance to go with their Original Medicare. If they switched to a Medicare Advantage Plan that is a whole other issue.
As Medicare is health insurance, it is only pay for things that can be billed for services medical. It does not cover services that are custodial or residential. Those type of services are typically done by Medicaid programs or by State/Co. programs for lower income. The AoA should have details on this. Ask AoA about Community based Medicaid programs or perhaps PACE. Good luck and stay organized!
The lawyer can advise on whether there is payment available to you. If not, your parents will need to pay you directly, with a contract and appropriate taxes, or you will need to go back to your own home and job while they hire someone else.
I do not know anywhere near all the details of how this is managed. I've learned a lot from others here, though, who do have more expertise.
The lawyer can go over the various options and future scenarios, including Medicaid. Make sure their wills are updated to what they want them to do. Any trust as well. Make sure they have both medical and financial POAs.
Do you have a spouse, children, grandchildren who you are missing time with because of moving in with your parents? Please don't neglect them because you feel too obligated to your parents.
I hope you can find solutions that work for all of you, and that enable you to protect your health, both physical and mental.
Or, if you are thinking about LTC in a facility you can look into a QIT (Qualified Income Trust) where your parents' "overage" goes into this special trust to that they then can qualify financially -- but then they have to qualify medically as well. I'm not sure it's available in every state but maybe consult with a Medicaid Planner for their home state.
More specifics would be helpful.
As far as their finances I am not privy to all of that info, but they are not eligible for Medicaid and are on Medicaid.
On their “not Medicaid eligible” so they each actually filed for IHHS / in home healthcare services done through a Community Based Medicaid program in your State? What was the determination for the denial / ineligibility letters sent by State Medicaid for each of them? The reasons for each of them getting denied will matter as to what other programs they might be able to access.
Or is “Medicaid ineligible” based on what you have heard the program is like for those who are looking for Medicaid to pay for costs in a facility, like a NH? That is LTC Medicaid and it is a different application and different “at need” medically and financially requirements.
”IHHS / in home healthcare services done through a Community Based Medicaid program in your State” - I am unaware of this program or process. We are in NC. They do have Medicare. Do you know of any options with this?
RM lend btw 40-50/55% of appraised value. Plus the old owners have to still be responsible and pay for taxes, maintenance, repairs and property insurance. The insurance requirement often is problematic because now as this RM is new lending, they have to be full tilt for all property insurance required. So if they are in an area that has in addition to the standard Homeowners, has Flood, or Windstorm, or Earthquake, it’s going to be quite a tidy sum for insurance.
Often elderly parents have years if not decades of delayed maintenance on their home. Their HO policy is low as it’s based on property value from ages ago, Having a RM upends their situation.
If they have a home valued at 800K/900K an RM can make sense if 1 of them need a NH but the other spouse doesn’t as RM provides for $ to pay for the NH while the healthy spouse continues to happily live in their home for years and years and draw from the RM till they die or themselves finally need to move into a NH. But for a couple with a modest home and both of them are at the cusp of needing care in a facility, to me, doing a RM is just a bandaid on the situation and itself leads to all sort of issues for the POA and family.
Having been a caregiver for both of my parents, I'd advise you not to take on this huge job just because they expect it of you. They'll get worse, and you'll get exhausted. Check out some facilities where they will have 24/7 care, entertainment, outings, friends, and in-house medical care. Tell them such care would be better for all of you, and lovingly refuse to take on the job.
I wish you luck in finding the right situation for them - and for you.