Caring for my 82-year-old bed-bound parent. She can get up with walker, but has no drive. I live with and do every single thing for her. She has a potty by the bed, so that too. My son is no help. He is 30, only texts. I see him about every 2 months when he livess 15 minutes away. I'm on my own and it's really getting to me mentally. I'm becoming just like my mother. All interest in life are non-existent. It's like I'm numb.
See a Social Worker for instruction. You need to be working and saving for your own care down the road. Find a room to rent from someone and get ready to move out, if Mom is stubborn about going into a facility. Being bed-bound is no quality of life. It will never improve and basically destroy you in the process. Nobody can do this alone.
Let APS and Mom's doctor know the situation. You simply are going off the deep end and need help.
Kudos to your son for recognizing he does not want that for himself.
Do not expect anyone, even close family, to help with this. You are on your own.
How did you end up in this position? Did you volunteer to stay with your mother and take care of her every need? Did you think you wanted to do this, not knowing how hard it would become? Did she guilt you or pressure you into this, causing you to resent it even more?
When caring for an elder parent becomes more than you can do, it is time to place her in a care home. Set up tours with a few. An admissions specialist will meet with you, show you around, ask questions about her needs, and will answer your questions.
If she is bed-bound, she will need long term skilled nursing. You can skip any Assisted Living facilities in your search.
Taking this action is not giving up on her. It is providing the care that she needs.
One person can not do it alone. A skilled nursing facility will have a team of trained CNA's to take care of her needs 24 hours a day. They don't do it alone either. And they can go home at the end of their shift.
Get her assessed for LTC by her primary care physician. Make the appointment today. LTC is covered by Medicaid if she medically and financially qualifies. You can move her into a good facility that accepts Medicaid on private pay and then when she is about 4 months away from running out of all her money (except her house and car) then you apply. She will not need to go elsewhere, she can stay in that facility and receive the same quality of care and attention and you can get your life back.
If you can't get her in physically for the appointment then consider a video conference with her primary, or a medical transport to the appointment. The sooner you get her in, the sooner there is relief for you both.
May you receive refreshment, wisdom and peace in your heart as you look at other solutions.
Reporting to have closed for discussion.
But you continue to do it by choice.
No one can change this but you, yourself.
You will need to see about getting your mother into placement or continue as is; those are the only choices.
Good luck to you.