I have been caring for her for over 6 years in her home. Mom is almost 91 and in the later part of moderate stage dementia - she can dress herself and only needs a little help with showering and gets around okay with a cane. Has a low back issue which hurts if she stands for more than 10-15 mins. I have not worked for 2 years and have been taking care of her and helping her for over 6 years. I have some help that comes in weekly and take occasional 1 or 2 night respites and have a couple 5 day trips planned. I also started weekly counseling just to have someone to talk with about it all. My health has declined quite a bit in the past 2 years and I'm doing my best to maintain it. It has become increasingly difficult for me to deal with the situation and I'm starting to feel like I just do not want to do it anymore. I don't want to be my mothers caregiver, I want to be her daughter again and visit her like my other siblings do. My mother is still very aware and knows her mind is going. She has always been a worrier and a "glass half" kind of person. She is very sweet and loving and thanks me every night when we go to bed. I feel fortunate to have such a sweet mom. Her physical care is easy but the mental/emotional part is wearing me out. I feel like I just want to get away from her which is not a good feeling. She has some money but not a lot, enough for a decent AL with memory care for about 3 years in this area.
Roxy177, I know, this is the dilemma, she can have these moments of clarity, especially when it comes to her kids wellbeing, (I am the 7th of 8 children, all still living) but then tonight while I was out, the caregiver said she was so upset, anxious, and confused about me being gone an extra 2 hours. She has always been highly intuitive with a strong emotional intelligence which is the one area of the brain not greatly affected by dementia.
She has been very sad and weepy since Mother's Day and when I ask her why sha says she doesn't know. I stayed away longer so she would be in bed by the time I came home but she was too upset and we ended up having another discussion in which I told her that things have to change because my health is declining. It's hard to describe how she is but I told her I'm trying to keep her in her home and things are going to change, more people coming in and I just need her to cooperate and trust that I won't leave her alone. It finally sunk in, for now. She gets so scared. She said she knew something wasn't right with me. I guess telling her made her feel better somehow. Maybe because she wants to help me and now she knows how, and will do anything to support me. She is always thinking of me. I'm not a mom, but I guess that's what mom's do. She's so focused on me, to the point of it being annoying, notices every little thing. I'm too tired to be her cheerleader anymore. She is naturally introverted and not social except with family, who don't come around much, except my oldest sister, who lives 3 hours away. She is coming Memorial Day weekend so I can take a couple nights respite.
I've rambled on a bit....had such a nice relaxing evening, then came home to stressville and got all amped up again. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming , just keep swimming,..... " as Dori sings.😀 Thanks! Love this group!
After being okay with it, my mother has been difficult and is driving me crazy. She is so paranoid and is making it all about her....turning into her mother. First she thought I was leaving forever and couldn't grasp the idea of a break. Thinks I don't love her and all kinds of craziness. Fortunately, we celebrated her birthday, the 19th, with some of her old friends which made her very happy but the day started terribly because she was distraught at the possibility of going to stay with my brother and sister-n-law for a week. They said it would be better to come here, which helped, but then my sister offered to come which is even better. Mom feels better with her. My patience is really gone and it's showing. I got away today and this evening which helps. We have a family gathering on Sunday which will be nice. I'm getting away Memorial Day weekend too and seeing my regular therapist, thank God she was able to see me on a Sat. I'm really glad family is stepping up and knowing I'm getting away soon is helping.
I am concerned about my sleep issues which continue to plague me. My dr. gave me a prescription antihistamine which should've knocked me out but it did nothing. Ambian can have serious side effects so I really don't want to take it all the time but right now it's the only thing that works and there have been times that it doesn't work if I take it too many nights in a row. I don't ever feel rested even if I sleep when I take it. I will continue to work with my dr. but am going to try a natural remedy that worked before, Kavinace. It's expensive but if it works again it will be worth it. I gave it to mom for many months and it worked well but now she doesn't need as much to sleep. I prefer using natural remedies. I've been to the dr. and taken more prescription drugs in the last year than the totality of my life!
Thanks for your support! Enjoy your time away!
Our time on the road has been cut down, my sister can't take my Mom until after the 4th of June, and I my granddaughter will be shopping for her Wedding gown on June 5th and I am not going to miss that appointment with her. My husband is a little disappointed, but things happen. It will be good, just to get away.
I don't get a solid night's sleep either. I get up with my Mom at least once to assist her in the bathroom and sometimes she just calls out for me, due to a crazy dream she may have had and I just have to reassure her everything is okay. I confess, I use my TV to go back to sleep. I also enjoy a glass or two of red wine some nights. Depends if I am in the mood for it or not, also have a hot tub and it is helpful in relaxing before bedtime. Never, a full night's sleep.
Enjoy your Memorial Day weekend. Good to hear, your family is stepping in.
Things have calmed down the past few days. Mom seems to have accepted the situation even if she is a bit concerned. She's always been a worrier and the dementia just makes it worse. I keep telling her that I'm not the only one who loves her and can take care of her. She's like a little kid.
I also put a small deposit down to hold a space at the facility I went to last week for their new building which won't be ready till late fall. It is refundable should we not be ready for the room and her name goes back on the list. I met with the administrator of the place and I really liked her. I also met some of the residents who are at very similar stages of dementia as my mom. Just having a backup plan eases my stress. The break will help me get back to myself and think clearly so I can plan for when I get back.
Hope your Memorial Day weekend is fun. Appreciate your communications.
Things are progressing here for our trip in June. My brother in law picked up a hospital bed from my son, and also a rocker recliner of my Mom's, so those are in place at my sister's home. My plans are to have my Mom's things packed, deliver her to my sister and then go to my granddaughter's or my son's home for the night and be ready for the Bridal shopping day. The next day return home, get my husband's and my packed bags and hit the road for the next three weeks! Plans, if all goes as planned, LOL.
My husband and I just returned from a wonderful night at a Beautiful Hotel, and Restaurant; awesome dinner with champagne , provided as a Mother's Day gift from my daughter-in law and son. Also included breakfast. They spent the night and took care of Mom. It was so wonderful to have such a special break.
Expecting my son and his wife and daughter today and my daughter and her husband we are going to grill, fish fry and relax. I am looking forward to this. Thanks for keeping in touch, so nice to get your updates. Have a Good ONE.