Convincing an elder to buy a new recliner she needs.
My mother-in-love is 84, lives on her own, and is 100% capable of making her own decisions.
In her living room, she sits in an old recliner that she can't recline because it has a pull lever and she doesn't have the strength in that arm to recline it.
She has plenty of money to buy a new one. Her financial planner even told her so.
And now, because she has some aging issues with joints and such, her ortho and internist have told her she would be helped a great deal by reclining.
Still, she doesn't seem like she's interested. She's incredibly stubborn. And yet, she complains all the time about how uncomfortable she is. 😔🤦🤔
Have any of you experienced this kind of stubbornness, and have you found a good/kind/loving way to help your elder move past it?
But if she’s still competent you can’t force her to buy one .
If you discover the cure for elderly stubbornness you will be rich and can buy many recliners .
Good. I would allow her to do so.
Now it might be lovely to take her to lunch and stop at the recliner store in the mall telling her you are looking into one for YOURSELF.
Fun outing.
Like many of the elderly who stinted and saved a lifetime, it's merely a habit she's formed. I am 81. I still hesitate to buy these things meant to last a lifetime, because, you know, I don't HAVE a lifetime to live. We get a bit odd in our ways. I WILL however say that I got a relax the back chair and it's the best money I ever spent in my life. Old nurse's back, and wow, does this ever help!
(I think most recliners you can remove the back..do that and say it "just fell apart")
then go shopping for a new one.
Other solution is to just break down and get her one. You can find some of the lift chairs on FB marketplace. I would not buy a used one if it was fabric though. If you can't find a reasonable Lift Chair then a recliner with push button recline.
Tell her that the "doctor ordered it" and there is a good possibility that if it is a "medical necessity" it might be deductible as such.
I did that when my mother would give me things she didn’t want anymore but insisted I take things I didn’t want . 😬🙄
She thought everyone would be happy to have her discards .
And he too had a really ratty recliner that he didn't have the strength to make 'recline'.
We simply bought one with electric controls, took it to his house and set it up for him AND removed the old recliner.
He loved it and that's where he slept for the last few months of his life.
If OP could afford to buy this wealthy elder a chair I am sure they would have done it already.
I can bet if they do decide to gift her a chair that said ekder will still complain.
Our big mistake was taking FIL to the furniture store to try it. We figured since he was the one who was going to be sitting in it, he should try it. He kept saying "I don't need this! I don't need this!" When I asked him if he was comfortable he said "Oh yes, but I don't need this! It's too big!" After an hour, I looked at my husband and said "Let's go. He wants a plain chair then he can buy himself a plain chair."
Well, my FIL can't buy himself anything anymore because he gets confused, perseverates, and cannot make a decision. My husband bought him a plain wingback chair. And two weeks later FIL went to sit in it, pulled it over, and landed on the floor. But by this point, I wasn't going back to the furniture store for that awesome recliner. Instead, my husband found a remote-controlled recliner for $500 on Amazon and had it delivered. It also lifts up and down but it's not nearly as plush as the one we wanted to gift him.
Moral of the story: Just gift her a recliner!
Her “stubborn” attitude is a sign that she is not “100% capable of making her own decisions.” At least not good ones. When we deliberately and repeatedly choose to make decisions that cause us further problems, that’s a symptom of something.
Time to see the forest, not the trees. It’s time for a mental evaluation.
These are the situations that cause the caregivers to stop loving the elders "to pieces" and having the resentments set in along with the frustrations. Because it's nearly impossible to teach an old dawg new tricks. If her ortho, internist and financial planner were unable to convince her to part with a few bucks, how can YOU convince her???
If her POA has access to the credit card or to writing checks, then that person can make the decision to purchase a new recliner for MIL, as I did with my parents. They had no idea the cost of their deluxe $1800 apiece zero gravity recliners 😁
You may have to wait until MIL becomes a bit less independent to make such a purchase, however 😑. Or buy her one yourselves.
Good luck!