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Hi all, so my dad is back at his home from the hospital, and isn’t doing the greatest. He really needs to be in a skilled care facility but has refused all of them and ended up signing himself out of the hospital AMA. Since being home, we have called APS to get him set up with any resources we can. In the meantime, he told us he “hired” a home health nurse that was a friend of his neighbor (she works for a home health company) and hired her “under the table”. My sister and I have been very skeptical of all this the last few days since happening. Last night we found out this “nurse” stayed the night with him, to help give him the care he needs, but all of it didn’t sit right my sister and I. He told us it was the nurse that APS set him up with, but ending up finding out he was lying. I got this woman’s name and *supposed* phone number also. Tonight I logged into his baking information and it seems to me that someone (I’m assuming her) has been taking A LOT of money of out of his account. He should have a few thousand and only has $400 left. I am so worried and not sure what next steps we need to take. I am calling APS first thing in the morning and explaining everything to them. But I just didn’t know if any of you had some advice on this. There is so much more to it to explain, but I’ll leave it at that. Thank you all in advance!

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Report the fraud to the bank and have the account closed. They must investigate the withdrawals asap. He needs care so you be rep signer.
Also have her investigated
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A friend's father had a similar situation with a woman they hired to take care of him at home. Money started disappearing, and suddenly the two twin beds in his room had been pushed together to make a king. They'd been sleeping together.

They fired the aide, and he went to the VA hospital where he lived happily ever after.
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I have some advice on this havign been a homecare worker for 25 years and currently a homecare busisness owner.

For starters, nurses get big money. Hiring one to privately work for one client 24/7 is a fortune. The few thousand your father had in his bank account won't cover but maybe a week or two of nursing care.

Secondly, no nurse whose license isn't lost or under suspension is working "under the table". So the caregiver is a friend of his dealer. No doubt she's a rachet ho and an addict herself.

Really all you and your sibling can do is call APS and report that a vulnerable drug-addicted senior nit in his right mind is being abused by his hired cargiver.

That's about all you can do. Unless you wanted to go through the process petitioning the court for conservatorship/guardianship over him. In my opinion based on what you've said, it would be nothing but grief and hardship for you and your sibling if one or both of you got conservatorship/guardianship for your drug addict father. Then you would be legally responsible for him. Call APS and let the chips fall where they may.
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Between being an addict and paying the aide's wages, why do you think dad"s bank account shouldn't be dwindling?? To assume this aide has access to dad's bank account which she's "stealing" from is a bit paranoid, don't you think? Of course, so many people jump to similar conclusions when a caregiver comes in to help an elder. But w/o details, it always sounds presumptuous to blame the caregiver.
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ntermarie May 12, 2025
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Why wouldn't these withdrawls be the aides wages? Is Dad paying her from a different acct?
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Yes, APS is best to begin to reach out to.
We can't judge from here the competency or incompetency of your Dad, but if the latter is the case, and he was left in charge of his funds, he may have given them all away. I am assuming you haven't contacted this person about her billing and etc. nor about payment.

Without adequate information I suspect APS nor anyone else will be able to figure out what happened here, but I wish you best of luck.
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ntermarie May 12, 2025
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Even if you're not his PoA you can still alert his bank to the "unusual" activity and they will decide what actions they may or (may not) take. What kind of "solution" do you think your Dad needs? He may be an elder but if he isn't cognitively compromised he is driving his bus, not you. You are trying to commandeer it, but you won't be able to. Get of the bus so that you aren't in it when it crashes. Honestly, without having the ability to legally be fully informed of everything that's going on with him, you will spend a lot of time chasing shadows. If he is still a substance abuser then you need to stop propping him up. He does the things he does because you and your sister are enabling him. You need to let him fall completely down (empty bank account = no one will come to help him "under the table") and then APS will see his situation fully. FYI his situation will have to get really really bad for APS to step in beyond just investigating. They are overloaded with cases and they don't take removing people from their homes lightly. You aren't responsible for his happiness. You can't have his recovery for him. Step completely away so that he owns everything that happens to him. You need to find and defend *healthy* boundaries with him. He doesn't care what his choices are doing to his family. Believe him. Step away, step completely out. Maybe consider going to an Al Anon meeting for support. I wish you success in protecting yourselves from becoming your sick Dad's collateral damage.
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ntermarie May 12, 2025
I really really needed to hear this.. so thank you so much. It just becomes so overwhelming trying to help someone who clearly could care less in helping themselves.

After all this, we found out said “caregiver” is a friend of his dealer, she is also an escort, not in any sense a home health nurse, and when we went to his apartment to take him to the hospital the other day, we saw her and she is *saying this in the nicest way possible* a straight c*ack head. My sister and I are coming to terms with the fact that we have to be completely removed after this situation.
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Marie, welcome back!

I read your previous post.
1. Dad is an addict.
2. He signs himself out AMA anytime he is in a facility.
3. You and your sister both know, (wisely) that he can't be cared for at home.

Call APS and report financial abuse of a vulnerable elder.
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ntermarie May 12, 2025
Thank you
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