My dad spends most of the day in bed, sleeping. He doesn't like laying lengthwise. He lays in the middle of the bed, almost perpendicular, with his legs splayed over the edge, feet on the floor. He has slipped off the edge and fallen onto the floor several times, but because it doesn't hurt, he doesn't care. He tells me to let him be, and with lots of trouble, he crawls back up himself. It takes him an hour to do so. I tried a bedrail to keep him in, but he doesn't want it, because he has trouble lowering it and wants access to his bedside commode.
His strength fluctuates. Sometimes, he can sit up and go to the commode. Other times, he's so weak and sleepy that he dirties the pull-up diapers he wears. With legs hanging off the bed and him too weak to roll or lift his hips up, I'm not able to change his pull-ups. He's a big man, too heavy for me to move him, and I don't have a helper, just me. I tried a position pad with handles and techniques that a nurse taught me and still can't move or roll him to a better position.
It causes me stress, seeing him hang off the bed like that, knowing he can fall, also knowing that I can't clean him or change him properly. He won't listen to me to put his legs on the bed. Sometimes, he's too weak or sleepy and purposely ignores me.
My dad is 80, has diabetes, heart disease, one foot is amputated (the toe part, the heel is still there), he's unable to walk but can transfer to a chair, fluctuating strength, and is getting weaker. No dementia. Stubborn and obstinate personality all of his life. His care team thinks I can reason with him and convince him of things, but I can't. It's demoralizing when he purposely ignores me and won't work with me at all.
Are you living with your dad in his house, or is he living with you in your house, or do you live separately and go over to take care of him?
If you do not hold POA, tell dad you're quitting immediately. He's causing you entirely too much stress and anxiety by sleeping with his legs hanging off the bed as he does. And your health matters too. He either complies with a small request by you or he finds another willing caregiver to deal with his nonsense.
This is a first in the 10 yrs or so I've been here, let me tell you. I'm sorry you've been put in such a position to begin with.
Best of luck to you.
He is too heavy for you to move him. What happens when he needs the dirty pull up diaper changed? Is he able to do it? Do you struggle to help him?
This is too much for you. I don't even think a helper would be enough help for you. Unless they were there 24 hours a day, and you used a hoyer lift to maneuver dad.
You could just let him be, as he has asked. Stop trying to help or fix problems for him. If he is in danger of getting hurt, or has soiled underwear/diaper that can't be changed by him or you, then he needs to be in a skilled nursing facility.
Stubborn, obstinate elders fail miserably at end-of-life. They refuse to accept or make any changes, they don't want to leave their home, and they don't think they need help.
You can't really do much for him. If he becomes incapacitated and you have POA, (as next of kin, you may not even need POA) then you can have him admitted to a nursing home. Until then, you just have to wait and watch him fail.
"care team" should be trying to convince him, since patients will sometimes listen to them more than their child.