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My dad slipped on some ice today and broke his hip. He is 77 years old and in good physical shape, but he does have mild cognitive impairment and lately he and my mom have been struggling with that; while he’s still able to live with a lot of independence (which may change now), his troubles with speech and his stubbornness have really ground down my mom. She can’t add being the main caregiver for a hip fracture recovery to her plate without risking a mental breakdown. This much has become very clear in the last 24 hours.

My sister and I are trying to figure out how we can best help both of them. A stay in rehab seems all but guaranteed for our dad for the short term, which will give our mom a breather. It’s the longer term questions that are more daunting. Is it time for us to consider assisted living for my dad? Would it be good for both of them if they lived apart for some time, with my dad getting in-home help and my sister and I helping him with appointments and errands? Neither of us can have either of our folks come and live with us, so our options do feel limited.

Any suggestion or caveats are very much appreciated. This is so sad and stressful.

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First, realize that your Dad is no longer "in good physical shape". A lot will change now if he doesn't rehab back 100% to his pre-fall condition, which is usually what happens when a person is in their advanced years.

Your Mom has to hire in-home help. Aids can take your Mom and him to appointments but if the medical management is too much for her, then one of you needs to go.

She can consider hiring a Geriatric Care Manager, who can help with the management part.

I hope your Dad has a PoA and that it's someone other than your Mom (like one of their children). If not, it's time to get him to a certified elder care attorney to get their legal ducks in a row, and for them to consult with their financial planner to get the lay of the land as now they will begin spending the money they saved for their future. It will go fast once you see the cost of care.

Do NOT have them live with you or you live with them. DO NOT no matter what. They must spend the money on hiring care or living in a good care facility.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Some people never recover from a hip fracture. It is probably a good time to discuss with your mom placement of your dad. Visit with her while he is in rehab. Also, speak with her about POA for her as well.
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Reply to JustAnon
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Guard mom’s wellbeing, otherwise you’ll have two parents in decline at the same time. Dad goes to rehab in a place that also has onsite assisted living and makes the transition to living there once he’s finished with therapy. Give it a try, with as little discussion as possible, “this is what your doctor says is best for you right now” and see how he does. You’ll find out if it’s the appropriate level of care and how he and mom do living separately. I wish you all well in a challenging time
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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