How do you deal with a narcissistic mother?

libracat,maybe I am missing something here, but all I read in your original post was venting... you don't come across as a victim... sounds like you've made many changes in regard to her.... as far as you still being abused, do you feel you are, or have you managed to have some copins skills for her behaviour.... I work for a woman just like your and emjo's mom..... and yes , I get to go home... but sometimes it just hurts the way they speak to us.... I don't have rage toward her, I just don't like her.... so let me know if I've missed something here... and maybe it doesn't matter what made her this way.... once you find out, if ever, won't change a thing.... so hugs to you......

Libracat~Having a NM is a difficult thing to deal with and we as their children tend to look for a relationship with them that is not going to happen. My sis still holds on the idea that if we can get NM evaluated and on medication that we can have the mom we never had as children. I disagree with her because NM wouldn't take the meds and I believe therapy would be more benefical but that would require NM to be honest which she is incapable of doing because she is a victim and a Saint who is faultless.My sis will literally cry because she still wants the love, approval, acceptance and support a normal mother would give to her children. IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! Therapy for you would allow you to get rid of your rage and anger as well as teach you to set boundaries and limitations. You deserve to be a happy person, have a life with less chaos and tension. You are the one who can take the necessary steps to achieve this therapy. Do not spend your time ruminating over the situation because it only fuels the anger and keeps you locked into the rage. I don't know your NM's financial situation but it seems to me she can take care of herself and needs to be living on her own. Sometimes we don't want to change our situation because we are getting something out of it and you need to think about what it is that you may be getting out of the situation even if it is just that you think you are doing right by her. You can still do right by her with her living elsewhere and you setting boundaries. Your mental and physical well being are a priority now. Don't put it off for another or better time. Take care♥!

I find being able to vent the silly little things here about NM, is great therapy for me. Knowing that I'm not alone. That finally I've found a reason for my mother's behaviour. Somehow that helps me to find new ways of understanding.
Ideally it would be better to remove myself out of NM's life, but that's not always an easy thing without dismantling ones life and the people in it.
My other thought is, that although she drives me bananas, without my help at this stage she would not survive with any quality and that's not something I want on my conscience.
So like Libracat, I come here to vent my frustrations knowing that this thread is really my only outlet. A place where its not important about what NM does so much, but that the people who visit this thread and respond, are those who can also relate to the dynamics of this same problem.
I'm sure therapy would benefit us all, as well as NM, and other care-givers and receivers in different roles. It would be nice to free access to such a thing, if only!
So for now I will settle for wanting to support others in similar circumstances, which also helps me overcome my own mind-set.
Cheers

I want to thank everyone for their posts. For opening my eyes to what is going on in my family. To realizing both my parents were complete narcissists. To understanding the pattern of behavior complete strangers have that are exactly like my parents. Thank you for venting, no matter how angery, no matter how hurt and sharing the deep personal feelings with everyone. This is therapy, in it's own way. This does clean out some of the hurt and anger. Keep it up.

Since finding this site, I have started to heal. I have read many, many posts. If everyone didn't vent and let these things out, others of us may not see what is going on with our own mothers/fathers. We may blame ourselves for things we were not responsible for. This site has helped me start to heal.

Libracat, vent away. When you made the statement about not feeling loved or thinking no one would ever love you, I cried. I can't tell you how this made me feel. I felt this way most of my young adult life. When I look back at photos of my young self and think, why did I think I was ugly, why did I think I wasn't good enough? I now know why.

So keep posting, it helps you, it helps many to read these sad things and realize they are not alone and there is help out there. Take care.

Madge I am still learning so much from AC and the threads I am on and I have been on here about 4 years about one year before my husband died and now I am learning about narcisstic mothers and I also look back and say why did I think I was no good it was because that is how I was treated by my mother and she continues to give firey arrows when ever she can to anyone in her path-it is too late to change her she is 93 so I have to detach which I learned from cmagnum's thread on dsyfunctional families and finally started talking to my sister about our childhood-mom told her she was a mistake can you imagine.

195 Austin, So sad. Your poor sister. No one is a mistake, God has a reason, we are just his tools. :)

Kuddos to all of you for posting. As well, I felt different and unloveable most of my life. I married the first time to make my family happy. I thought this person would provide everything my mom wanted and she would finally be happy! Well I was miserable for 20 years and so was she. I can see now that it was just another attempt on my part to make her happy. I was never guided as a young child to achieve - just to get buy the least expensive way possible. I never thought I was smart enough to get though college so I started work right out of high school. I always thought promotions were for other people. Never thought I was good enough. I worked 40 years at entry level office jobs with no retirement. I am learning at the ripe old age of 64 to care for myself. I've missed a lot of life - no siblings, no children, not many friends, no family left. My life has been so dysfunctional. I feel like I just exist!!! It's just nice to know I'm not alone in my feelings. Thank you all so much for sharing.

OMG golfgirl07, I felt the same way about college. Mom always shot down everything I ever wanted to do. She told me to get a job, like everyone else.

I went back to college at 55, just to take math. Made all A's. Proved to myself i could have done it. My college educated husband told me how sad it was to see me do things he wasn't good at and know what I could have done. He finds my parent's behavior disgusting. We made sure our 3 girls went to college. They did so well. Mom hates it and her response has and until this day always been, "Not everyone is meant to go to college." That, of course, is aimed at me.

With my family and especially my mother, it was all about money. Can't afford this or that. I was never encouraged to excel at anything - just keep a low profile. Also, my mom would say things like "I didn't have this or that growing up so it won't hurt you to go without it either". I just never thought I deserved much of anything. I just simply blended into the wallpaper. When I look back (which I try hard not to do) I'm so sad for that little person who was so dejected. I was a really cute high school girl - with no self -esteem. Now I think I could have done so much - anything I wanted actually. I simply had no guidance or confidence in myself. I just didn't now how to make my life - just repeated the dysfunction.

Whenever I read my posts I feel like you all may think I am complaining about my lot in life. I'm really just stating the facts as I remember them! Not feeling sorry for myself at all and I don't mean to come accross that way. It's just that when you've never had any self-esteem or never told yourself anything good, you just don't know how to do it. I remember too when this boyfriend or that boyfriend would drop me I would just be devastated! I suppose I was just lacking in the love for myself and looked to someone else to provide it. I'm not whining here - I just simply didn't know I was worth anything! Is that the way it was for you all as well?

No golfgirl, you are not whining. You are getting this stuff out of you system and that is what this site is for. I think we were separated at birth. It is so hard to be marvelous, successful and confident when you are damaged.

Ditto on the boyfriend thing. My daughters have not let one boyfriend get them down too much. They have good self esteem, no whining, no trying to get back together. Just move on and, hey, a new boyfriend is in the picture. I was always devastated when my boyfirend broke up with me because I thought, "If only".....I were prettier, more loveable. I have a really sad and strange story to add to this. I had a boyfriend from 18 - 21, who I loved very much. He would break up with me and go off the college, then come home and we would get back together. I did this for years. Finally, he gave me an engagement ring, for a short while. Then he took it back. My mom asked me where it was while we were doing the dishes, I began to cry and tell her he had, once again broken off with me. Dad comes rushing into the kitchen and yells at me that he better not see me moping around about it. Just horrible to me, made me feel I was to blame. Now that I have daughters, I realize, he was crazy. He should have taken me in his arms and comforted me. That was how things always were with him. Oh and BYW, the boyfriend was gay. Poor guy must have struggled for many years.

If I had a nickel for everytime someone told me, "oh you could have sent yourself to college," I would be rich. But these people do not understand the deep damage done to children of narcissistic parents. Read Malcome Gladwell's book the Outliers. He explains how all the Zuckerbergs, Gates, and other very lucky, gifted people were always given alot of support and help. Good family, schools, oportunities, good timing, etc.

Money was an excuse for everything when I was growing up. Couldn't do anything because it cost money. I felt bad for my parents for years and years. Until I found out they have almost one million dollars. And all is intended for, now only mom's, nursing care. She is a mizer, anything we do, anywhere we go, anything we like, is tooooooo expensive for her. She doesn't have one lady friend to have lunch with because, as she said, she is not picking up the bill for someone else!!!!! Seriously.

Well I am glad she saved all of that money. She's gonna need it. :)

I am a believer that unless you live it, you can't really, really understand it. You just need the path to get out of it.

Exactly Madge and well put! I just never had the path! I went through therapy for a good bit of time but really never understood how I got so screwed up! Reading these posts sheds a lot of light on my upbringing. You know too when you are in the situation - it's hard for you to believe that your folks are doing you so much damage - you always think they are doing the right thing because you love them right or wrong! I just always thought it was me - something wrong with me! Even today I have a hard time caring for myself. I overspend and try to purchase self-esteem or I overeat for instant gratification. And too talking about boyfriends, I too had one at 19 that I was so in love with! We dated for about a year. I had a pregnancy scare and he left me. Thank God that turned out to be a false alarm but it did reveal to me what kind of person he actually was. He let me go through that alone! Then tormented me for a year after that to forgive him. At least I had sense enought to get rid of him.

Madge, Golfgirl, Asypathizer: I totally believe in the NM thread and can totally see the value in all of you sharing your stories. You absolutely must share your stories and learn from others who have shared your experiences. It's a God send and a deep comfort to know that you are not alone. Please don't think my comments are in any may meant to take that away from you. Nothing could be further from the truth and I learn too from reading your comments.

My concerns for Libracat stem from the fact that she has her mom in her home. She still has to live it face to face on a 24/7 basis.

I can relate to many things you have mentioned, not everything because I didn't have all of the experiences you have had. Enough, however, to feel exactly how many of you have felt in some situations.

My heart goes out to all of you and I wish you love and peace. I have more to share, maybe later. Hugs, Cattails

Yes cattails I agree that it's hard to see what you're up against when it's standing right in front of you. Sometimes we need to stand a distance away to get the full picture! I hope Libracat can take the focus off her mom and put it on herself to see the energy being put into all the resentments. I know this is very hard when your are in the midst of chaos 24/7. But actually Libracat as well as all the rest of us have no other choice in the matter. Resentment will kill us and keep us from moving forward with our lives. Surrendering to the unacceptable in our lives does not mean we continue to allow it . As I see it - surrendering to the unacceptable means we acknowledge the situation as being factual and then we decide what we will do about it! Something must be done. We get out - we put the unacceptable out - or we find a way to not allow it to control our lives (much easier said than done).

It really makes me glad to read everyone's posts here. Like others, it was thanks to posters venting that alerted me to my own mother's problem. Without your posts, I may never have known any different, so I want to thank you all for being brave enough to come here and blurt out your feelings. I, for one, hope you will all keep it up.
Madge....I imagine you must be very proud of your later achievements. Keep up the good work.
golfgirl....never feel you have to apologise for speaking your mind and putting your heart out on your sleeve. If anyone has a problem with it then the onus is on them to feel the way they do, not on you. As I said above, it's your willingness to vent that has given me the heads-up on how to deal with my NM.
Cheers

Speaking of venting.....an update on my struggle to get my mother up off her bed after 7weeks.
I always find that when we refuse to budge from a situation, even if it's for our own good, the ole universe always seems to oblige and delivers a big kick in the rear to help us on our screaming way. As is the case with my NM.
I begged her to allow me to take her to re-establish with a new doctor this long weekend, because it was the only time I had to deal with it. I never liked NM"s dr anyway and was always trying to talk her into finding a new one. The universe took care of that while she's been bed-ridden and her doctor up and left her practice.Typically though, NM dug in her heels and refused to budge from the bed that she somehow believes the hospital told her she has to stay in till her broken arm mends 8wks or so weeks down the track.
Why would she want to get motivated while she is on tap with g'ment carers fussing each day over her? Friends & daughter/s ringing, calling in with food and doing her bidding. Her neighbour volunteering as her meals-on-wheels.
So in comes the home visit doctor I had arranged for last night because she won't take a trip to a new doctor to get scripts filled. My anger & frustration at not being able to push through to her that she must start moving off the bed was unexpectedly backed up by the doctor who was horrified to see her still in the same spot he had left her 7 weeks earlier. I could barely hold back my laughter while the dr chastised her like a naughty child for still being in the bed. He told her the same things I have said over and over and stated that he doubted the hospital doctors had ever told her she had to lie in the bed till her arm was mended. That if she didnt get up and exercise she will surely die with blood clots to her legs. I showed the doctor out the door with a quiet word in his ear about her rebuffing my attempts to get her out of bed and to go establish a new doctor. He stated he could see exactly what she was doing and he won't be able to help her anymore. LOL.
It also horrifies me that she emphatically refuses to move from the bed long enough to allow me to change the sheets she's been lying on for 7wks. I also imagine her temporary carers must have given up trying. So now whenever I end up arguing with her about the sheets, I just let it go. After all, its not me wallowing in bed-bugs and dirt. If that's what she wants, then so be it. I also will not be in a panic to find some time to take her to a new doctor. If she can't care enough to do it in my time then she will have to wait till I can find some more again.
It sounds cruel, I know, but God helps those who help themselves and I'm learning to detach from fretting over it all now.
Hoping this will help others here.
Cheers

Yes my mother did not think I knew what was best for me but somehow I was stuborm enough to go to a state college and became a nurse even though she always put me down and tried to discourage me-finally from being here and reading about dsyfunctional families I have learned how to detatch and have taken my power back from her-her nasty commets just bounce off me now.

an update on my NM. She was in the hosptial for a few days with very low potassium levels. Her dr cannot find the reason it took several days to get it elevated. She has been released to the therapy unit of the nursing home which is on the same campus where her apartment is located. Her dr has told the family he recommends she go to the assisted living facility on campus. The family agrees-NM does not. We have told her she really has only two choices-that and going back to her apartment but things had to change. I have talked to home health services and have set up for her pills to be kept with them and they will bring them down to her. I also suggested she have her apartment cleaned once a week. And will probably need to add other service. I know the family nor her dr can force her into assisted living. her quality of life would be so much better. She can afford it-that is not a problem at all, I told her yesterday if she has to go into the nursing home it will cost her $6000 a month-its half of that in assisted living. Any advice you could give me would be great! Thanks

I am putting my mom in assisted living. I think she is looking forward to it to some degree. She may not like it once she gets there but she has no other choice. I cannot take her! It would be unfair to my husband plus he has a mother still alive too! If I take my mom he will want to take his mom. It just can't happen.

Golfgirl: Good decision. You hang in there. Hugs, Cattails

I'm going on here tonight to give this one more shot - because I would like to know how any of you would "detach" from this.
Another nail in my coffin today, Father's Day of all days, but maybe that was her point.......
Daughters and son-in-law over, a nice day planned, pizza dinner and making an effort with this leg of mine to try to have a family day for my husband. (I lost my dad in 1988 - he was only 62; my mother was always jealous of our relationship and rapport and spent every day plotting
her passive-aggressive strategies against him.)
I asked my son-in-law if he would be seeing his own mother today, for he is also a father. My daughter (his wife) pipes up and says, Probably, for his mother misses her own husband who passed away less than ten years ago.
Suddenly in jumps my mother with the comment: "Well I don't miss him and I'm not sorry."
We all sat there in a stunned silence, trying to figure out who on earth she was referring to.....but my daughters clued in instantly. I thought she had gotten confused about who we were talking about - I always try to give the benefit of the doubt especially to someone who is nearly 87 - but again, I fell for it, hook line & sinker.
I said, oh you must be mistaken, we are talking about my son-in-law's father, but she says, no I got it right the first time, I was talking about your father and he was a "rotter".
Daughter with Asperger's says, what's a rotter. The other one stood up to her and said Grandma, I don't appreciate those comments, that's my grandfather who is no longer with us that you are talking about, and you need to be more sensitive and considerate of other people's feelings. My husband said to her, he was a very nice man (naturally that comment went right in one ear and out the other.) She ignored him.
Of course, now that she had dropped the bomb and brought all the focus back on herself in her entitlement to express her own unneccessary opinion of my Dad, she sits back and stuffs her face with pizza and apple pie and enjoying the drama she has created. My son-in-law kept quiet in his embarrassment.
Two seconds later she is off to the next subject - whether the pie should be heated up or not.......
The message here, I believe is two-fold: I will take any opportunity I can to slag your father because he was so bad and I will save it for family gatherings for the most shock value; and
don't underestimate me, even at this age I am still capable of sabotaging any event you might work so hard to plan because I can't be pleased, and don't dare think you will have any power because I can still cut your heart to shreds with one sentence.
All she is doing is succeeding in making me hate her even more.

Just because someone is that crazy and rude doesn't mean she gets to sabotage the event. Everybody by now knows that this kind of behavior is a reflection on her and nothing else. Visibly or invisibly, everyone should just tap their temple and move on.

Libracat, I ignore my mother's acidic comments. Her opinion means nothing to me. I don't care. I'm beyond caring. She creates drama where there is none. She's looking for a reaction, so if you give her none, she gets no satisfaction. We skip right over my mother's comments, and if she repeats it, like certainly no one's heard, we tell her we heard her the first time, and we move on. If her opinions just don't matter because we know what she's doing by saying them, her words are just words and who cares, although, I have to admit, it can still royally piss me off sometimes. Its just the nerve, like who does she think she is to subject us to that crap? But, when it comes right down to it, I don't care what she thinks if its nasty. Mom has her good qualities, she really does, but the downright nasty stuff, well, we blow it off, we give it no audience. I'm sorry your mother hurts you with the cutting remarks about your dad, but, like alwayslearning said, maybe you all should just tap your temples and change the subject. You aren't going to change Mom. Does she need an antidepressant?

Hi JudymW, thanks for your comments - she is already on one for almost four years now but I see no positive effect from it so perhaps it needs adjusting.
I loved what you said.......yes, exactly, it is the nerve and always has been and the gall to ruin things that gets in my craw, plus the attitude of her thinking she can get away with it - never mind how hurtful the comments are.
Just for the record - my dad was NOT a bad guy, he had everything going for him and was very well-liked, prestigious and successful and she hated every moment of that. I really don't understand in retrospect why he just didn't get the hell out, but I suppose in those days it would have looked like he was a quitter and a bad guy......but we would've all been better for it if he had.
Guess I'll be doing a lot of "tapping" in the upcoming days and weeks!! Thank you for some good advice.

Judy you write the truth for sure. I have decided that I let my hurt my feelings for the last time. I was just taking everything way too personal. No more! Like I said she is the nursing home right now for therapy. Someone in the family had to take the responsiblity in making sure when she leaves and should back to her apartment, that we take control of her meds and other things. I am the one doing this and that is fine. Someone needed to step up the the plate and that is me. So far she has been very cooperative but I suspect that will change as she starts to feel better every day. But I have vowed not to let her get to me. By the way Judy my NM has been on every antidepressant out there. She either dont give them the chance to do any good or she can tolerate them. That has become a very serious iissue in the past and continues to be.

and also not sure if I mentioned this better-my dad was a saint. Our whole family worshipped him-he taught us all well. He love our mother uncondtionally and would referree more than once on her behalf. We never understood how he put up with her. In the end, I think she finally wore him out-anytime she came to visit him in the nursing home-he put a blamket over his head and refused to talk to her. Its almost like he chose to die to get rid of her forever.

Libra, Playa, you're both so lucky to have had sweet dads. My dad was a very, very angry guy until a few years ago. We all tip toed around him, staying out of view, to avoid him and the anger. I'd see him approaching the house when I was a kid, and I'd run upstairs to my room. If he was in the kitchen, I'd wait till I heard him leave the room before venturing down for breakfast. When I was really little though, he used to take me out to breakfast on Sunday mornings. Just me. Special, huh? I met his girlfriend on Sundays. Had to sit in the car and wait for him to come back from her car on Sundays. But, I got pancakes and a stick of sugar cane from the vendor by the train station, and Dad was in a good mood so I didn't mind being left in a parked car in a cemetery (that's where they met - weird, huh? But it was across from the pancake place where she waitressed. We'd eat near the end of her shift, I guess, in the early morning, and then wait at the cemetery for her). My best memories of my dad are the times he used me for an excuse to meet his girlfriend. Ugh. Now that he's an old man, he's pretty vacant. I like him better this way, which is sad, because I still don't like him at all and I'm hoping he passes on soon. Like, today, would be nice. If he'd take Mom with him, it'd be great. Dad is confused, and often blank, but not angry anymore. My mother complained about him my whole life. Seemed justified because the guy was an unempolyed, raging troll all of my life (after she worked and put him through college and law school and then worked her whole marriage to put food on the table when he sat at home chain smoking). But, she dragged me through every issue when I was a kid, telling me to pack and that we were leaving him. "We". She's always threatened to leave, still does. Now that Dad is sort of a zombie, with some lucid moments, she's mad about that. Holy crap. Make up your mind. You hated him for being an angry bum (she didn't know about the gf, even after the woman sent her a letter - "poison pen letter" my mother calls it - an "outrageous claim"). Now that Dad stays out of your way in his own little confused world, you hate him for that. She's never happy. If you bring her a bunch of flowers, she'll point out the wilted one. If one of the adult grandchildren visits (which is rare because she's so miserable, they avoid her), after they leave, she'll remark to me how fat he or she has gotten, or how badly they dress, and then list everything they ate while they were there and tell me they were "glutonous" and disgusting. My dad's stories are wild now. Always a beat em up tale. Always the underdog who outsmarted and out fisted someone who deserved it. Mom has been the victim - the ugly child, the unlucky girl, the wife who "tried to make a silk purse from a sow's ear" (dad), never got to see the world as promised, never got to have an easy life, "second hand rose" who never had anything new, how she sacrified her life to stay with him so we'd have the benefit of a 2 parent household (benefit? omg), blah, blah, blah. I get so sick of it. And, I'm so tired of the negativity and the attacks (I was a tramp (really, this is what she said) and my husband saved me from a life of promiscuity and "who knows what") - that's just one thing, usually followed up by the painful birth story - how she "suffered to give me life" - no shit, another quote. Its just wicked. She says my boys are wild. (Uhhh.... so wild that my oldest just made the dean's list. That's a wildman for ya.) She favors my daughter, who I think she sees herself in, but my daughter is sweet to a fault, so I have no idea what parallels my mother draws. So, its just easier to dismiss them. And, I know I sound awful, but I wish they'd both just go soon. They won't, I know. I help them out of obligation because I'm the daughter, but I'll never have either one live with me. I can't even imagine it. The thought repulses me. I tune them out. Dismiss them. It doesn't matter. They don't matter. God, its good to vent! Sorry for the tirade... but it felt good. I could go on and on, but I won't. Haven't even told my husband some of this crap. Anyway, thank you, Libra and Playa, for listening and making me feel like I'm not alone with this nastiness.

Judy: You ROCK. I have so much respect for you and I think the way you handle what your mom says is beyond perfection. Let me quote, "We skip right over my mother's comments, and if she repeats it, like certainly no one's heard, we tell her we heard her the first time, and we move on." I absolutely love it.

Don't ever let them move in with you. If they can't make it on their own, then it's time for AL or a senior facility like the one Lisa's mom is in. You know, it might not be a bad idea to do some research on those types of places in your area. Could be a waiting list and you might want to get them on it early.

Hugs and love, Cattails

Absolutely, judy - never let them move in with you. It is bad enough having to deal with them at a distance. I know you know it is so much nonsense, but I can see it still gets to you to a degree, though not as much as if they were in the same house as you. That has been the only way I can detach to a degree. I couldn't do it if I had the spite and anger facing me daily. Even a visit to her over a few days "gets to me". I don't want to end up bitter, and hating anyone, so I have to keep my distance, or I become someone I don't want to be. Thankfully we have that choice. You don't sound awful wanting them both to go. I feel the same way about my mum and sis, though they are both healthy. I was heading for a life of prostitution too, according to mother, whose suggestions as to how to save me came straight from the crazy house. They are mentally ill - best to not take it personally for sure, but also best to keep them at arms length. In my opinion, no home is equipped to deal that that kind of cruelty, and just plain sick behaviour. The craziness and hurt will continue as long as they are alive.
Prayers for all dealing with this.
(((((hugs)))))
Joan

Judy, been there.......we have lived the same lives. My Dad had two sides, though - it was he who taught me almost everything about life that I have learned but, on the other hand, if my mother was "riding" him ( which she took every opportunity to do) he could turn into a psychotic mess.
She complained so much about him to his own family doctor (!) that he had to be admitted to the hospital and I can't even tell you what they did to him in there.....when I went to see him he was a changed person. The level of glee to which she operated at home during his hospitalization was completely evil.
Finally he turned to the bottle as his escape and then things really escalated. His punishment became even more severe and so did his acting out, but all this time, she put a good "face" out there to everyone in the neighborhood.
Three incidents already this morning (I've only been up for an hour) that started the day off real nice: she screwed up on taking her pills and the one for tonight was missing. She says, "somebody else must have taken it". Ok........
Then one of my crutches falls down on the kitchen floor and I can't reach it. She's too lazy to pick it up and just leaves it there, then tries to step over it and trips on it. I said, wouldn't it have been easier to pick it up instead of risking a fall over it? Get this -- "I thought that's where you wanted it" OMG..........
Last but not least, she's in the dining room on the way to her room with her huge bowl of cereal and proceeds to spill milk all over one of the chair seats. When I asked her what happened, she tells me that "the cat was in my way and my bowl tilted" The cat was in the KITCHEN when this happened!!
WHY is it easier for them to lie and deny and avoid accepting responsibility for what they have done that they know is wrong? Because their narcissism makes them believe that they are beyond wrong-doing and accepting the blame for anything!!
On my mother's 80th birthday, I asked her why, if my Dad was such a monster, didn't she just take us and go. I gently suggested that that would have been the right thing to do so that we three could have had a better chance at life. Not only would she not discuss it, she just said that it was all his fault and that she had done nothing wrong.
At this age, I now realize that I owe my father a huge dosage of forgiveness (even though he's passed) for all the hate I harbored for him during my growing - up years. I can totally see now that she drove him to madness and in effect, was completely responsible for his death. It was his only escape, it seems.