My brother owns our childhood house through an LLC. Our parents totally paid for the house so he has no debts on the house but the challenge of maintaining the house and property is a huge responsibility. He cares full time for our mother living there. He takes her to medical appointments as well as other places, handles her medicine, what she eats or can't eat. He does have a granddaughter who lives upstairs help our mother with bathing once a week. He controls all her money, basically $2000US/month but still demands money for her care. He isn't willing to be accountable for the costs of her care so I really don't know how much he spends on her needs. She does have short term dementia but recognizes me and others and can carry on conversations. She is still mobile using a walker and able to take care of basic daily needs. Oh yes, she is 101 years old. My brother is retired on SS himself but apparently needs to supplement his own needs. He isn't able to work much because of caring for our mother but also has his own health issues. He has not been good with money and in years past received money from our parents when in need. Unfortunately for him our mother divided the rest of her savings up equally between her four living children. Apparently he needed money was the problem but I think he may have been surprised she shared the money equal between siblings. He isn't willing to talk about our mother's caregiving. He won't let me or others have input regarding her needs. He took away her Alexa machine in her room so I have no direct way to connect with her since I live a distance from there. Our mother would like the Alexa in her room. She basically has given complete control over decisions to my brother who doesn't include her desires or the wishes from the other family.
I hope all her funeral arrangements have been paid for before she divided her assets. She gave it all away and what does he expect from the family? Obviously he won't be able to maintain the house after she passes, why isn't he thinking of selling? Downsizing is his only option. Was he given the house in exchange for her care? I don't know the arrangements for her care were,but taking care of someone of 101 has probably resulted in burnout and some minor financial setbacks. He's probably tired of fixing that stupid Alexa every time she can't get it to work or the TV/DVD. Has he had any help with her,any time away? Maybe if he got out for an afternoon or so,he might give in a bit and have more patience with the family and their wishes?
I know it seems that he doesn't care but she is living with him and it's a done deal with no other options. I don't know if I'd give him any money unless he can give you a list of expenses spent on your mother in detail. Remember, it's his house and his responsibility. Mom's SS won't be there later when she's gone, what is he going to do then?
Abiding my time and will see in the future how all this works out.
To me it is way too late to worry about all this.
Who is POA? Do any of you understand there needs to be a care contract, that otherwise this "taking" of mom's money looks like she's "gifting" and she can never get Medicaid for help with LTC if/when needed?
Does anyone know that ANYONE accessing the money of an elder for GOOD reason or BAD needs meticulous records of what they are taking, using and every penny into and out of that elder's accounts OR IT IS ELDER ABUSE?
As I said, a lot of water is under the bridge already. Flood stage I would say with the manipulation of the home. Brother has been caregiver. Clearly he has taken it as his due that any funds left over are his, and as caregiver, imho he is more "morally" right than wrong there.
As to you, be certain none of YOUR money is involved. If mom is 101 you are yourself not a spring chicken and you will need a lifetime of savings, good working history, good luck and coupon clipping to save for your own old age.
None of us can know what's happening in your story here. Sounds quite complicated. And if you have questions that need legal answers I would consult an Elder Law Attorney.
Abiding my time to see what happens.
You cannot know what his life looks like, or how much work he must do for mother and the grounds, until you see it for yourself and live it 24/7.
I'm not sure why he should be given anything by his siblings. The mum should provide for her care and it seems that she has done and continues to do.
You don't pay him a cent. As for the Alexa that was in her room that she used to contact you with, ask your niece who lives upstairs why her father took her Alexa away and could the two of you make a deal (without her father's knowledge) that she help her grandmother call you once or twice a week. Then offer her a few bucks on the DL if she does it.
Your family's situation is very common. If there's a son, he's usually the Golden Child who the elderly mother worships and has him making all the decisions. Normally when there's a daughter all the caregiving work gets dumped on her and she gets nothing. Your family situation differs in that you (the daughter) don't get the caregiving dumped on you while the son (your brother) reaps the financial benefits. Talk to your niece about helping you to communicate with your mother because it's unlikely you'll get anywhere with your brother.