I feel I am growing increasingly impatient with my 84 yr old mom with Alzheimer's disease. She lives on her own in her own home. She has said she would rather go be with Dad (in heaven) than leave that house.
I'm growing impatient with what seems to me to be laziness and not trying to help herself (eating, showering, enjoying her 2x/week caregiver). She constantly complains and worries. I know it is the disease, but sometimes it is just incredibly hard to have patience.
Related to the caregiver household chores post: I do not expect at all chores be done. However, it is nearly impossible for Mom to NOT expect it. She can't stop complaining and relax and just enjoy the company.
and still working
I pray for patience daily do two Bible studies
I really needed to hear Chip Ingram today on living on the edge ministries
the topic
I CHOOSE JOY
I must change my attitude
my perspective
i must look up and outward
it’s not easy to take care of my mom
her best friend even said my mom was difficult before her dementia
that Barbara is for Barbara
to know your mom is to love her
but being her daughter she is so much more nasty she would never speak to my brother in this way ever
told me to FO today
I said you shouldn’t talk to a person that does everything for u like that
I cook clean wipe your ass
you may have dementia but you know how to be kind
I hear how you talk to Pat
so I deserve the same respect
my dad has passed but I will never forget what he told me
that he HATES HOW MY MOM TREATS ME
this is coming from my dad
it’s hard growing up in a family that are very judgmental prejudices
think their better than others
a friend of mine that I have had for 49 years said your nothing like any of your family
I said I’m more like my grandma Souza than anything
that’s a compliment
life is about choosing to find the
praise in the day
I love my mom but I do not have to like the person she is
if she wasn’t my mom we would not be friends ever
god bless you all
I now pray for peace and relief. Can't tell if it's working yet, but I don't need more challenges :-)
What appears as "laziness" in a person with dementia is actually the loss of their brain's executive function. They lose the ability to initiate tasks.
Even when tasks are laid out on a step by step lists, a person with dementia often cannot translate reading into doing. As the disease progresses, words on a page will cease to have meaning for them.
What gave me more patience was learning more about the disease. Now when mom complains about something, I just agree with her instead of telling her how to fix it. If it's something I can fix, I do it without telling her.
As an example, she complained incessantly about weeds growing in her planting beds. We cleaned out the weeds, but she still complained. Finally we removed all the green ground cover, and she is now happy. (I realized that she could no longer tell the difference between weeds and the green ground cover.)
Anyway, my parents both complain, they don’t like this stage of their life and they are miserable. Dad won’t sell the house, etc., etc.
I have learned that all I can do is make their life easier as much as possible, I try to make them smile and give my dad help. All I can do is acknowledge him on what he has to put up with my mom since he won’t do anything about it. I can’t do stress and drama and since I’ve realized that, it has my life easier and my time with them less stressful, no yelling and getting impatient.
I hope that makes sense.
Good luck.
Just one issue in particular that you mentioned I can touch on. Regarding your mom being too demanding on her visiting aides and not enjoying them. I have just the opposite situation...person I care for lets his visiting aids get away with murder and leave early consistently. He prefers for me to do his laundry, shopping, tidying up instead of his aides. He doesn't even ask them to do the simplest of tasks. So, if your mom gets things accomplished with her visiting caregivers....I wouldn't try to stop that. Believe me, the opposite is worse. Also, in some cases visiting caregivers can assist with showers too. I don't have that luxury either.
Again, Bless You....This is a tough life for us that for some goes on and on and on. Reaching out for suggestions or to vent is wise, and self-nurturing which we don't get enough of.
Another is adjusting your expectations. At some point I just eliminated my expectations. For example sometimes I have a hard time getting her to put new paper panties on (we don't call them diapers) before she gets off the toilet. I usually help her with this. I used to have a big struggle with her but now if she doesn't want to put them on or takes the dry ones off before getting off the toilet I just go to where I have the pads ready and put a pad on the bed where she is likely to put her wet/dirty bottom to protect the bedding. Maybe needed, maybe not but easier than fighting a losing battle that just gets both of us upset.
Yes for me prayer and reducing/eliminating expectations works.