Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Not showering is very common - a fear of falling or the sound of water . A CNA can help with bathing . Sequential order is gone so getting chores done would be Impossible Unless she was on a strict schedule with someone supervising her 24/ 7 . She Has a Ilness her brain is Not functioning properly , the Nuerotransmitters are misfiring like a broke record on skip . It takes a Lot of Patience and empathy and compassion to take care of someone with Dementia and Alzheimers . I Suggest reading the Books people are encouraging you to read and keep contact with the People on this forum . We write our shared experiences to help other caregivers facing burn out and exhaustion and despair .
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Sissy, you hopefully come to a forum to hear the truth from folks who have been in your shoes or are in your shoes now. You're not being judged at all, but told facts about elders with AD. They're not equipped to live alone, regardless of what they want. Their needs prevail now. A great many are complaining and miserable all the time....their filter is gone, their ability to empathize is gone, they can only think about themselves making it appear that they are selfish. They become adverse to showering, fearing water or other aspects of bathing, for my mother it was slipping in the shower, making them appear lazy. They are always confused so they argue, making them appear belligerent. You say white, she says black. Nature of the beast. This makes life very frustrating and patience in short order for us.

Get the book Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller o Amazon. You'll gain a better understanding of mom and where HER head is at now. And that you have to meet her where SHE is at, in her reality. Agree with her complaints and then distract her. Understand that her mind is jumbled now and it's hard for her too, as well as you. She wants sweets most likely now as her tastebuds crave them as they change with AD. Try foods like yoghurt and fruits which taste sweet but aren't junk food. Smoothies, things like that, with added protein powder. All my mother wanted was ice cream.

Good luck and keep in mind we are on your side.
Helpful Answer (11)
Report
Sissy1221 May 22, 2025
Thank you for your kind words. Sometimes when you're in it, you can't see it for what it is and just think it's okay. I think that is where I am with her living alone until I am now hearing all of this advice that she should not be. I will also get the book you suggest as well. I guess it is hard to not be able to believe your own mother. So sad. Thank you very much for support and insights.
(7)
Report
She can’t live alone with Alzheimer’s. Typical outcomes when this is the case are burning the house down because the stove was left on and the person leaving the house to and getting lost. hopefully being found safe. There’s a reason that memory loss wards are locked in care facilities. It’s a progressive disease and you need to plan for what’s next. You’re no longer reasoning with an adult, but with a child who has the legal authority of an adult.
you need to focus on yourself and your daughter. Your happiness is important. you’re in the prime of your life and should be able to enjoy it.
Helpful Answer (11)
Report
SRWCF1972 May 22, 2025
"You’re no longer reasoning with an adult, but with a child who has the legal authority of an adult."

Truer words were never spoken!
(8)
Report
Wow. Second response saying she should not be on her own. I hadn't had that viewpoint. She is able to toilet but agree that she does not eat well and does not want to take a shower (which I am viewing 'wrongfully I'm certain' as lazy). I also did not realize that happy is off the table. That's so sad. I really just want her to be happy and enjoy what life she has left. She complains all the time that she does not need her caregiver. Well, she complains about everything. Her doctor tried Zoloft and mom had a paradoxical reaction, so not sure if she is a candidate for antidepressants.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
OutandAbout May 22, 2025
There are so many antidepressants and they all have very different reactions to different people. It’s no indication of future success with other drugs just because one didn’t work.
(3)
Report
See 2 more replies
If you educate yourself more about the horrible disease of dementia, you can perhaps get a better understanding which hopefully will lead to more patience with your mom. The book The 36 Hour Day is a great place to start.
A caregiver coming 2 times a week is not nearly enough for your mom as she really needs full-time care either in her home or in a facility, as it is now very dangerous for her to be on her own as much as she is now.
You cannot trust a person with a broken brain to be able to know what to do in case of an emergency or even just with daily living. Sad but true.
All of us that have cared for or are caring for a loved one with dementia, if we're honest will tell you that we have occasionally lost our patience with our loved one, as we're all human.
But again if this is ongoing with you it may just be that you're really not understanding what dementia all entails, and that's were educating yourself more comes in handy.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Sissy1221 May 22, 2025
Thank you so much for your helpful and nonjudgmental response. I will definitely get that book and read up.
(4)
Report
Your mom should not be living alone with AD. It's no longer about what she wants but what she needs and what is required to keep her safe. "Happy" is off the table at this point for most elders with dementia. If you hold POA, get mom placed in Memory Care or Skilled Nursing which will keep her safe and occupied, and allow you to be her daughter again instead of her burned out caregiver. Look into getting mom on antidepressants as well, they are generally required for elders with dementia. Wellbutrin helped my mother quite a bit, and Memory Care Assisted Living facility helped us both quite a lot.

Good luck.
Helpful Answer (11)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter