I am so sensitive to her constant negativity. I feel the need for therapy as her constant and I mean constant complaining causes me great anxiety that can spiral to depression. I try to listen every single day but it is the only topic of conversation that keeps her interest.
What do you have the power to do? And, what are you doing to protect yourself from her toxic behavior?
It is up to you to change your reaction towards her, as, she is not going to change.
Don't allow her to pull you any further down, do what is needed to get a handle on your emotions.
Let go of the negativity immediately after listening to it, cut the exposure to it down to a minimum , and move on with your day. Under NO circumstances should you even consider moving such an Energy Vampire into your home!!!! Then there is no escape, literally. Right now, YOU get to choose how long you listen to the nonsense. Keep it that way!
I think what got to me most were the passive aggressive digs. You know, pretending to be nice, then out of left field comes the insults that just flatten us, right? I would think to myself, wait, did she just say that? Some of the comments were truly hard to believe that a mom could say these things to their only daughter, ahhh, but she did.
Change the subject and if she gets nasty, tell her that you are leaving and leave.
It is okay to protect yourself when dealing with your parent.
This is not good for HER (also not good for you, but want to point out that you're not doing her a kindness by listening to her rehash old wounds).
Get her to a geriatric psychiatrist. There are antidepressant meds that specifically target rumination. ((((((Hugs)))))) and good luck.
Do you love music? Athletic events? Politics? Gardening and home design? Cooking?
There’s a wonderful world open to you of auditory stimuli that are NOT your mother’s whining, nagging voices seek it out!
She can, and no doubt will, complain about anything she wants, but if you convince her, by use of ear speakers, that you aren’t able to listen to her because you’re listening to something ELSE that you FIND interesting and pleasant, she will need to employ some other conversational gambit, or perhaps silence, to engage you, and you can choose when and if you wish to accept her attempts.
By all means, find a compassionate therapist if you need to. Worked wonders for me. But DON’T feel as though you’re doing yourself, OR HER, any favors by being her built in audience.
Encourage any attempts on her part to take part in pleasant, interactive conversation, and make the ear buds your go to when she launches into a diatribe about her unfulfilled past.
She has even spoken negatively about my Dad who passed away 22 years ago & her best friend who won’t take her out anymore because she’s a fall risk.
It got to the point where I would just leave or say goodbye when she started talking like this.
I found this website and it has been so helpful to me to see that others are going through the same thing & everyone shares their thoughts & solutions. I just wish I had found this site years ago when I was caring for my mom and I wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in now.
I hope this website offers you some way of dealing with what you are going through. Hugs to you!
thank you for being so insightful & kind. I truly appreciate your words.
Seriously think about this. It doesn't adversely affect her, so you need to protect yourself from negativity that is adversely affecting you. You have no reason to feel bad, it is totally acceptable to protect yourself from anyone or anything that puts your wellbeing in peril.
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