I am a licensed Hospice Nurse for decades now and cared for my sweet Dad 9 ago at home then stayed to help my Mom for 8 yrs after Dad passed. My Mom passed 16 months ago and I realize that she was my life. I understand the grieving process but I’ve fought 3 anxiety based disabilities all of my life but they all exacerbated when she passed. We have a very close family and I’ve always been in therapy but I am finding out that I don’t really know what I enjoy doing and some days I can’t walk out my door. I set small goals every day but is this normal? It’s so strange being on this side of the Hospice bed. I’m usually preparing families pre and post mortem. I feel like I should be at a better place by now but I’m not. My family is very close. I do have an amazing brother but he has a life or death kind of job to the point where he is called a lot on his days off. We get together when he’s able and he calls me every day. We live 4 minutes away but he’s the Major on our police department dealing with lots of crazy situations. He helps me but I went from having all of the disabilities under control to a severe exacerbation that is ongoing. Has anyone experienced such extensive grief after their caregiving journey has ended? Thanks for listening.
I did not have much interest in anything but continued to follow my daily routines anyway. I was extremely forgetful and lost a couple of small personal items. I was worried I had suddenly developed dementia.
My sudden onset of forgetfulness has since gone away. I think I was so preoccupied with thoughts of my parents decline and various dynamics that I was never fully present in anything I was doing. My mind has since settled. I feel calmer now.
Maybe it is a phase of grief, of profound loss or trauma. I would just say try not to be harsh on yourself. Sometimes I think grief counseling, therapy or just journaling what you are feeling can be a good release.
Finally, when the pandemic let up, and we were done with the lock down, I gradually eased back into society. It was rough though. I had to admit I had a fear of driving that eventually let up.
Grief therapy and counseling helped some, but it didn't prepare my for the acute anxiety, fear and grief. I didn't want medications and white knuckled it through the rough points. I probably looked like a stiff mannequin behind the wheel of my car. LOL. Exercise such as walking helped once I got over the fear of being trapped.
I work in the helping profession as well. I think most of us have a way of making things easier for others while we are doubled over in pain.
It does I get easier though. If you feel the need for grief therapy, go for it! You can do telehealth visits with a therapist.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom.
I feel like I have to apologize for laughing while reading this post. I was on a call too. I hope these new clients just think I'm a cheerful person. When you mention the part about the woman stealing your groceries and charging your credit card wearing a bonnet. I have to ask. Was she also wearing pajama bottoms, slides, and a tank top with no bra? Usually this is the uniform of women who wear bonnets in public LOL.
God bless you for staying in homecare too. Your care clients are lucky to have you working for them. If you lived in my area, mine would be too.
i have not yet volunteered yet, I'm not ready yet
I had trouble driving places around town even 12-14 months after Mom passed. I'm age 64 as reference.
I think you are still in the normal range of grief.
The thing that helped me was volunteer sitting for a long time friend one morning a week while her husband worked. She lives a 45 minute drive from me. Doing that drive both ways once a week got me out of the house and endowed me with more confidence. Once there we would do fun stuff. I took her to the art gallery, the grocery, to see Christmas deco at our town hall etc.
I think my volunteer gig slowly allowed me to rebuild my confidence.