Follow
Share

My 85 year old mother has always been opinionated - but in recent years, at the same time as she is cognitively declining, she has become more opinionated, and now stubborn, difficult. She’s not bad all the time, but she can be and I’m sure the staff in her started living find her a pain sometimes.
I bear to can’t think about her getting more difficult….
Is there any chance she might mellow as she gets older? Does this happen?

Find Care & Housing
Sorry to say my uncles behavior is getting worse. He says the most racist words that I cringe when I hear it. I try to diffuse his rants but it becomes more difficult as his time in the nusing home goes on. I've had to ask for a mental evaluation and approve the increased dosage of his antidepressants. Hoping its a phase of his dementia that will decrease with time. If not I will have to reevaluate his meds again.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to AMZebbC
Report

I think as the desease progresses they become like toddlers. There are no longer any filters so they say what goes right thru their minds. And yes, the already bad stuff gets worse. The aides should be trained in Dementia and should be able to handle her.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

She might become more easy going.
She might become more difficult.
If she is in Assisted Living that is a traditional AL where she can come and go she should probably be in a Memory Care unit.
The staff in MC are usually better trained to help with personality changes.
If you do not have regular Care Meetings with the staff it might be time to make sure those are scheduled so that you are not blindsided with changes that they can not manage. If a resident becomes difficult a facility can ask that you find another place that can manage the resident.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Grandma1954
Report

It helped me a lot to learn about dementia from sources like Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. Once you understand that there are many different types of dementia, and their behaviors, you can also learn methods and strategies to make interactions more productiive and less stressful for the both of you.

Dementia breaks a person's brain and they lose their ability to use their reason and logic skills; they lose empathy for everyone including people closes to them; their social filters become weaker and weaker. You learn how to redirect conversations or distract or sometimes even to just walk away. Therapeutic fibs are essential. And then there are the medications, which many seniors require because they can no longer bring their own minds to a place of peace and contentment due to the above and memory loss. The beginning of dementia is often the end of happiness for them.

At the end of the day, everyone is different and one person's experience is not the same as another.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

My dad, actually, did chill for most of his time with dementia until the very end, when he insisted that my mom not have aides to manage him. He was on hospice then and his end was a week later.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to PeggySue2020
Report

Sorry to say I don’t think they get more mellow as they age. My mother has simply become unable to hide her narcissistic behavior. She used to show herself as a refined, poised and kind person to others and reserved her venom for home. Now she can’t control it and spews her temper tantrums on staff at assisted living.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Sorrynotsorry
Report
Beedevil66 Apr 4, 2026
Bringing the heat. Lol
(0)
Report
My mother got MUCH worse with her argumentativeness as her dementia progressed, and her nastiness was off the charts. But, when the dementia became severe, she mellowed out and became a lot nicer.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report
PeggySue2020 Apr 3, 2026
Wait, can you clarify? My Impression from your reports was that she got nicer toward “the girls” (staff) while becoming progressively meaner to you.

Did that change?
(0)
Report
Cognitive decline can either heighten or lessen a person’s personality traits. Some become more fierce and some mellow. I’ve seen both in relatives. Be grateful she’s in a place with staff trained to cope with all kinds of issues. Her doctor might also consider a medication to calm her behavior
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

My mother did. But I wouldn't count on it.

Check out meds that can help her. It's not at all unusual for memory care patients to take anti-anxiety meds, and it's a pretty good guess that your mom copes with anxiety by being difficult.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Fawnby
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter