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covidfornnow- I agree with your perspective. I personally believe that doctors 'practice' on people they know who are close to dying, and especially try more experimental things on them. Why? There is no downside. If the surgery/treatment accelerates the person's death, no one is going to question it, and even if questioned, the doctor is going to say it was 'standard of care', and get a pass. Doctors rarely discuss quality of life, preferring to push the socially mandated 'quantity' is better than 'quality'. (ie-you read alot of treatment to prolong life [5 year survival rate, for example], but rarely read debates about whether 2 good years are better than 5 bad years...I'm sure there are readers here who will disagree with me, and they are entitled to their opinions and to make their own choices. I just wish the medical community was more honest about choices, and the downsides to treatment and particularly, recovery times.
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NeedAdvice2021 Mar 2021
I totally agree with you! We are dealing with this right now
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Riverdale - at my mother's AL, palliative and hospice care were used interchangeably. But, until hospice was called in, palliative referred to no extraordinary measures being taken if she started to fail. And my mother had a living will specifically speaking to her wishes in this regard.
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Maybe she doesn't want to prolong her life and prefers to be at home, and do what she wants, be it sleeping or not eating, but being with her family. A lot of elderly people will say they want to get better, they will get better, but they do it because they think it is what they ought to say, or the family would be upset. Can you have a cards on the table chat with her, and tell her that whatever she wants to do is OK with you. She doesn't have to make an effort if she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to maximise the time she may have left if she doesn't want to, but she needs to be honest, and tell you if that is her choice, and she needs to help herself if she does want to improve or she is not going to get as long as the Dr says she could have. Its not an easy conversation, but we have to give our LOs permission to state their choice and to know that we understand and support them in whatever that is. (Even if we don't- its not our life, its theirs and we must allow them to make decisions on it. )
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I see this over and over again and I don't think anyone can fix it. It is just what happens. I would just accept it - she is old, she is sick, it is going to get worse. Don't try to push this or that. Let her take the lead and make her comfortable. Nothing is going to change and you will have to fight constantly with no results. Perhaps this is her way of realizing time is growing short. Leave her in peace.
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Leave her be and let her make her own decisions. If she only has a year, what difference does it make. Why have cancer surgery at her age?
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Let her go.
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