My mother is 83 and lost her husband a yr ago. She lives 1000 miles from us and has always refused to come visit when I have offered to pay. We went to Visit for her birthday and all of the sudden she blew up at us and told us that her husband never wanted my husband in the house. She told me her life was hell and that I don’t do anything for her. We bought her groceries, changed smoke alarm batteries, I cover her life alert and called her everyday and helped monitor her low blood sugars from afar. she has a fantasy of selling her home and moving in a 20 yr old RV even though I have tried to have her visit independent living. She refused. we packed up and left and flew back home. She called my husband an as-hole, ba-tardard and told me I married an as-hole. Those were her last words to me. I have cut off ties because I will never go back there again, that is how traumatizing it was . What does anyone else here think?
You live 1000 miles away. She seems very uncooperative. And you don't mention if you are her PoA. Therefore, the reality is you have very little power to help someone who is delusional about their situation and resistant to change -- so call APS and report her as a vulnerable adult. Even if you are her PoA, trying to manage her from 1000 miles away will be onerous.
Enjoy life free of her! She has nothing to add to your life or offer you. Congratulations on taking the step you did, and I wish you luck ahead.
Also, just hired in home caregiver from Home Instead 3 half days a week. Mom didn't want it, but now loves it. We call it "Them Instead". If they need something, call THEM IInstead.
She needed help and my father refused to see what was going on. We all pretended everything was okay in that house. The main reason I got married at age 22 was because I needed to leave and couldn't afford to get out otherwise.
I showed up to help take care of my mother and my father when they were in their 90s because I didn't want my sisters to bear the brunt of this alone just because they lived close by and also because I wanted t be able to look myself in the mirror and not feel guilt.
I was not bereft when she died and I don't miss her. I did the right thing for me.
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