Hello- my mom is soon to be 93 yro, lives alone in FL and, of course, wants to be independent. I live 500 miles away and fly down monthly or so to check on her, live. As someone stated, my sister and I are 2 senior citizens propping up our 93 yro mom to be independent, and she is totally dependent on us. We have used the "be a snow bird" and others have encouraged her including her PCP many times. We are trying one again, and bringing her home with me this week for a "visit" and to see my sister, too. We have picked out 2 Independent/Asst Living places and plan to take her to visit so she can choose. It's highly likely she will get very angry about it. She has def signs of dementia specifically short term memory. We have a companion come in 13 hrs/wk and no one else to check on her. She handles ADL but I see her slowing down and she is still DRIVING. If Plan A fails (moving her w/lots of resentment on her part) my sister and I agreed that will request her PCP to report her to the DMV. She should not be driving. My 2 questions: 1) has anyone moved their parent, and it totally angered them - how did you handle it? and 2) has anyone every reported their parent with dementia to the DMV? and did they revoke their license?
It sounds like you have been a caring and considerate child. Your mom is lucky to have you.
I think that gentle conversations, albeit it hard, are in order. Have you been in the car as your parent drove? Is she unsafe? If so, point out the ways that she is unsafe. She may realize that it is time to give up her license with your gentle persuasion.
I try to ride with my aged mother once a month. As much as I don't want to be a passenger, I need to know how her driving is. Aside from parking poorly and driving a bit slow, my mother is a decent driver. I have told her not to drive at night and not to go on a highway, and stay close to home. She is willing to make that accommodation to keep driving.
Wishing you the best in this hard time in life.
Most important, have a DBPR and get her off the road.
She can be independent in IL or AL. In FL a note from the doctor will do it.
Be strong, do the right thing for her.
You're right you're doing what is best for her, and that *is* crucial. Absolutely agree. However, please keep in mind that doesn't mean the caregiver's feelings about it are nonexistent or unimportant. We're talking about family, not a stranger, maybe someone who you've known and loved or respected your entire life.
Of *course* you have to be strong & do what is best for their needs, not their "wants" - but let's not forget that it's not always easy, which is the whole point of having a forum like this to gain strength and empathy from others in similar situations :).
Mom is more resigned, but she doesn't have to move until we clean out and sell their house. She currently stays with me so I can care for her, but this house isn't in a much better condition. Plus, the stairs are proving more and more difficult for her.
It's going to be a long summer for you, and us!
He was so upset and mad but we knew he was no longer a risk to innocent people
DCAT Driving Test Please find out where she can get tested - it is a simulated test.
https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/safety/dementia-driving
https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/driving-safety-and-alzheimers-disease
My LO in Florida was required to be tested after a stroke. It was an actual road test but I don’t think it was at the DMV, maybe another entity that works with rehabs. Passed but shouldn’t have.
Driving too long in Florida is a very well known issue.
My cousin is 100 years old and she won’t give up driving. She tells her children, “Don’t worry, I only drive to church, grocery, pharmacy, Walmart, the dollar store and lunch with my friends.”