I live in a rural area and don't get out much due to taking care of my mom. I haven't been able to find any local support groups. My best friend moved, so I don't really have any friends near me anymore. That's one reason why I joined here because I feel like I haven't been able to sustain friendships. If you've been able to make new friends, what did you do?
The general contractor, electrician, painter and appliance repair guy were also very kind to me.
The appliance repair guy was in his 90's and he and his wife lived down the road. He would bring me flowers from his wife's garden.
All of the blue collar men were so kind to me and would come out to the house for really minor things.
I was also in a rural area and people liked to chat in the yard.
Lately, I have interacted with a neighbor who wants to do lunch maybe on a weekend but I'm not ready yet. I'm depressed, and of course, I am now in that awkward state of being. I do interact with the nursing home staff, and with the 'dementia' patients in the unit where my lo is located. I'm finding ways to expand my way of thinking to just accept, and pray that I make it. I have no advice for you except that support groups do help by providing help and comradery. My person was in recovery, and when I needed help, I found support groups and a few therapists along the way. Even taking rides to local farmer markets helps me. I feel like I am still on the clock because I continue to offer support to my guy in the nursing home. I feel for you. Your plate is full, so try to unfill it, if you can find a way to possibly get your Mom outside help.
When I first started taking care of my husband at home, we had a network of friends and family nearby. However, I found that we rarely saw them, because they are busy with their own lives, and no one enjoyed seeing my husband in his Post-stroke condition. He went from being gregarious, popular, smart, and well-loved and respected, to non-mobile, non-verbal, with partial paralysis, and in diapers. It was hard for his friends and his sons to see.
After a few years, I made the decision to move several states away, where I had some family. I mistakenly thought I would have support from my family. I do not.
My Dad is self centered and invites himself over for me to make dinner for him. My son went to prison, my daughter-in-law became homeless, and I now help to take care of their three children, along with the other grandmother.
My life is very hard and we are so isolated. I've always been a bit of an introvert, preferring quiet solitude, but I would like to have a good friendship or two. I moved away from friends, and haven't kept up communication because I'm so overwhelmed with 24 hour caregiving, and the needs of my elderly dad and my three grandchildren. I have a couple widowed neighbors with whom I am friendly and we have made some awkward attempts at socializing, and they are both lovely people, but we just don't have a great connection. We don't have similar lifestyles, personalities, or interests. Oh, and one of my neighbor friends and I are on opposite sides of the political spectrum, which is uncomfortable in this heightened-defensive political climate.
I don't know what the answer is. I wish I had a good friend nearby. I wish I hadn't lost connection with good friends who are far away. I never envisioned spending 10 years staying at home taking care of an invalid husband. This has changed our lives so dramatically.
I am glad to hear that you found support via Hospice care.
Please feel free to contact me at edelay88@gmail.com if you would like to discuss further
We'll probably keep in touch after our spouses have passed away, at least for a while, because we enjoy supporting each other and genuinely care about each others' LOs.
You say your best friend moved...surely that is not the only friend you have? Are there people that you have not called because of your care duties?
Time to give them a call.
"Hi Betty, I know it has been a while since we touched base I was wondering if you could give me that recipe for the cookies you made last summer"
It can be difficult making that first call.
The other thing you need to look into is getting a caregiver to help you and give you a break a few days a week.
Hiring and having a "stranger" in the house is a big step but one that is well worth it. It can save you mentally and physically.
Oh, what I did... I got caregivers and one of the days that the caregiver was at the house I Volunteered (still do) at the Hospice that was taking care of my Husband. The other 2 days I had a caregiver I shopped, I was able to get things done around the house and I could just wander if that is what I wanted to do.
The caregiver was at the house from 9 AM until 3 PM. those hours were prefect for me.
Can you contact your nearest Senior Center? Or contact your local Area Agency on Aging for support resources? Sometimes social services can point you in direction.
Also consider contacting local churches, even if you are not a believer or attender or even of that denomination. Many have Elder Care or shut-in ministries. My church does and I'm on the team. We develop a list of people in need and then we take turns visiting or contacting them on a regular basis.
If your area supports a Nextdoor.com forum you can join that and seek out other caregivers for support.
This is a great forum but it is anonymous and global. Try to find something local and online. Look for Adult Day Cares hosted by churches, or have your Mom's funds pay for it once or twice a week so you can get out. You need to maintain as normal a life as possible. If you wish to continue to care for your Mom, it will be essential that you take good care of yourself first and firstmost. You are the priority.