I have been caring for my Mom in her home for the last 3 years. I can see that she will need more attention in the near future. Long-term care facilities really to not meet her needs...and even the best institutions do not offer customized care (even though they are charging "customized" prices.) I feel that if we hired our own caregivers we would have more control over and be able to monitor the quality of care. I know it would be expensive, but I figure that the average nursing home in our area costs $8000./mo. Seems like that would buy a lot more "personalized" care.
So I am wondering if anyone has tried using solely in-home care either in your parent's home or your own home. What are the pros and cons?
When mom lost her license and stopped driving, we rented her house out and did about half the estate sale nonsense and moved her to a little house across the street from the daughter in the coolest location. She played house, gardened and lived independent, while all the neighbors kept an eye on her. As she escalated and needed someone to watch her wandering, no longer able to to the math to buy her own groceries, we moved her to an assisted living. She had her own apartment and ate in the dining hall, swam in the pool with her friends. The center was across the street from the kids school, so they often went by for ice cream and a swim on the way home from school. The center cleaned her studio apartment, could have done her laundry and gave her her medications. We were able to afford this because her house was generating income, she had no more transportation and food costs, she had long term care insurance and it was an affordable facility.
When she could no longer handle this, we evicted our tenants, remodeled the house (walk in tub, widened door ways) and moved one daughter and her kids into the big house. This was a great gift to this family to live rent free for a while. When the daughter went back to work, mom attended day care and we hired a granny nanny from 2-6 pm.
Now mom is escalating to higher care. We are beginning with 24 hour care two nights a week, so the family in the house can have more independence. She will soon be kicked out of day care, as she is starting to poop her pants more. When we need more 24 hour care the family and house will be ready for it. And hopefully we will be in a trusting relationship with an agency.
I agree with everyone that you need a network of caregivers as it is hard when it is on one person whether that person is an employee or family.
The tax paper work for the granny nanny was a pain and that is why we have shifted to working with an agency.
Grandpa is usually grateful for anything I do for him, always says please and thank you, but between his daily hygiene problems (I never see him wash his hands, except AFTER he eats his food, never before, and never after using the bathroom. There are so many personality conflicts moving in with an elderly person. They want everything their way all the time, they hate change even when it's obviously for their own good. EX: Grandpa had a hissyfit when I removed all his MANY throw rugs that were all over the house. (and he uses a walker) and he is also not accepting the fact that he needs a railing down the basement stairs, or in the bathroom, or that he needs to use wipes to clean himself after a bowel movement instead of a rag that he washes out and hangs on a towel rack on the side of the bathroom sink. (We are all going to die of some awful disease at the rate we are going here)
I try to keep him company and watch TV with him, but it'is so loud I am afraid I will go deaf. He eats junk food all the time, candy, cakes, etc. but he is a type II diabetic and just laughs when the doc asks how he is doing with his diet.
Instead of going on and on, I'll just say this has been the worst 19 months of my life, I feel like I need Psychiatrist before I go insane from stress.
Think it over carefully. It is no picnic.
:-( Cara
to play in. I have help Monday's and Friday's of a wonderful young woman, who grew up in a large family were everyone took care of each other, this gives me fredoom to run errands. The helper I found through friends, that is important, there might be a time when we need to go on from here, but as long
as the person, my husband, has many good hours and only mornings and nights are confusing for him.....the best place is at home.
I still go to school full time, next semester maybe part time. I still have a high GPA and am in honor societies but the stress is manifesting in anxiety and some sleepless nights and my grades may not be as high as they could be. I try to study but am distracted with this question and that.
There is a caregiver from church (cash, no taxes, that's between him and my mom) and he comes once a week. He was so concerned about my mom one week he called me then the following week he called to tell me the difference in how she was (my brother had visited and mom was fearful he would put her in NH ~ actually she was constipated and once THAT issue was resolved she seemed fine). I am thinking of adding another night with a female caregiver. We are in a small town and everyone knows everyone so no interview was needed as I already knew these people. The tax issue is on them. When I was a caregiver for a friend's mom last summer I declared the income but that's my issue and not everyone always agrees with me.
I now manage and monitor Mom's meds and get breakfast ready. Recently she added help getting dressed. As time goes on there will be other things that she adds that she has forgotten how to do. It is mostly me and in time she WILL have to get assistance (which she hates to admit she needs help) but one person cannot do this without losing themselves in the process.
Every situation is different and also we make decisions based on info and emotion. Sometimes it takes many people to express what they feel about your situation ... and in the same breath, you have helped me realize what I need to do in mine.
Thanks for the thread.
Peg in San Diego
1. Taxes - not only those which should be withheld from the caregiver and remitted to the government, such as the employee's income taxes, social security and medicare taxes, but also those which the EMPLOYER must pay, which include social security and medicare taxes equal to the employee's share or more, plus Federal and State Unemployment taxes. Yes, that's right, the employer must pay those, not the employee. If you privately hire a caregiver and then later let them go, they can file for unemployment benefits and then the state government will come calling to ask for back taxes for not only your employer taxes but also the ones that your should have been withholding and paying on behalf of the employee as well. Then, it's your responsibility to try to recover the employee's share of that back tax mess - which will be just about impossible.
There are other significant financial and operational risks besides taxes:
No home care company to sue for negligence if the caregiver causes harm or steals.
No home care company to be accountable if the caregiver claims, or fakes, an on-the job work injury. In California, at least, if the employee claims that they were hurt on the job, it is virtually impossible to rebut that claim, regardless of whether there were any witnesses, etc.
No home care company to hold accountable to provide a replacement fill-in, qualified and insured, caregiver when the regular caregiver can't work due to sickness, car problems, etc.
No home care company to hold accountable for any other problems, losses or damages caused by the caregiver.
It may be tempting to "save money" by hiring privately but those "savings" can turn into family finance-crippling costs when there is a problem that arises like a genuine or fake work injury. In California, work injuries that cost more than $100,000 in medical expenses and lifetime partial disability awards are VERY commonplace. It takes a whole lot of hours with "savings" of a few dollars per hour to make it worth taking those risks.
$195/day for a caregiver seems high to me but I am "free" caregiver for now for my Mom...wish I got THAT amount! But I do get free room and board and I do have many moments/day to myself and am able to go to school full time. How many hours is the caregiver in the home? And actively working?
I think that is the "work, work, work" generation and talking on the phone (just invented in their time) is a "luxury" and therefore in direct conflict of work, work, work. You know, the sweat shops did NOT allow breaks thus the laws that were passed many years ago.
I agree that maybe she does get used to the same person and new blood is good but 10 in 3 years? Wow. Not speaking or reading English would irritate my Mom as she had to learn English after coming from a Portuguese home AND learned French in her academy. The expectations are so different now from then. I have numerous conversations about the contrasts in generations' work ethics (and culture ones as well).
More laws will give the next generation more privileges and we just might be complaining about those rights in years to come.
I am very happy this group is here. I gain so much from it.
Thank you!
Peg
Outside caregivers often are accused, implicitly or explicitly, when a Senior claims that something has gone missing, but there are almost always other people who are in and out all the time who are equally likely to have been the culprit. Also, sometimes Seniors simply forget where they put things, or become mischievous and make accusations with no foundation. I know of one case where the local police won't take theft reports from an elderly resident any more because she is a serial theft report filer who often files subsequent reports about the "culprit" breaking back in at night to put the things back. :)
luvmom
My Twin brother live with me , I go off and work 21 days strait and off for 7 to 10 days.
We live in a smill town in Texas, the clooses large town is 30ml away from me.
I'm not able to get the right kind of help he need at home while I'm off working.
I hate leaving Twin alone, I do have home care service,a lady come over for 2hr a day 6 days week.Twin is needing 24/7 care while I'm gone.
My question is I would like to take care of my Twin brother at home, how do I go about geting paid for taking care of my Twin brother at home. Twin is on disability, I make up the diffrence with my income. Doe's the state of Texas have a number that I could call and talk to some one that can help me!
For my dad he just needed a human in the house so that if he fell or wandered off we would know within in hours not days. A house keeper can do this and prepare meals. We also found an adult who road his bike up to the house with the gallon of paint on the handle bars to paint our house inside and out. It took him 9 months. That was nine more months we did not have to begin this process of putting dad in a supervised facility.