This might be a long post so sorry in advance.
this has been such a hard month, my mom fell and broke her hip at the end of last month. She wasn’t in good health to begin with. She had to have hip surgery and we tried to get her into rehab for her hip but one of the places turned her down.
she went home to stay with her friend who is a retired nurse, and she ended up falling again and going back to the hospital 2 days later. She re-broke her hip and needed surgery on it again.
the next day she had a massive stroke leaving her left side paralyzed. She is unable to walk and it takes multiple nurses in the hospital to move her. She then caught sepsis and is being treated for that with Antibiotics. She just had another hip surgery a few days ago for a hematoma on her broken hip. She has been though so much.
She has been a smoker for 50 years, she is also an alcoholic and she addicted to opioids. She can’t smoke anymore after her stroke or she will die, she can’t drink either.
With all this I know there is no way she could come live with me. Before this we already had a strange relationship. I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old who need me and I already feel stretched thin. Also my marriage and well being would suffer if she moved in. She physically I can’t move her or help her.
I still feel guilty, like I’m sending her off to a nursing home but there’s no one else to talk care of her and she needs round the clock care. I’m so stressed out and I just don’t know how to stop feeling guilty for things that are not in my control. I’m worried about her going to a nursing home. I am worried they will kick her out since she is an addict.
any advice would be great.
Understand that you've done the right thing for her care. The sadness you feel for what has happened to her is a different feeling and entirely justified. Just don't confuse sadless and guilt. There is nothing to be guilty about.
she is young but in very poor health before this happened.
She is in this situation because of her own life choices. You are not accountable for those choices.
She's where she needs to be. In your heart of hearts you know that. There's NO way you could care for her without hiring a team of outside help to assist you, so just take comfort in the fact that your mom is now safe, will be cared for, and won't be able to drink or abuse any opioids.
And they will best be able to treat her addictions, so she can safely detox from them.
Hang in there. You're doing the right thing. Your husband and children must come first and should be your only priority.
Your mom has made her bed and now she will have to lie in it.