How can I stop manipulative, attention seeking behavior?

You don't have to answer her every beck and call if the questions are just attention seeking and you are sure that's what she is doing. Handle those kinds of questions as you would if your children were asking for the same reason. There are only so many hours in the day and if you are busy doing something more important then just ignore this behavior or tell her you don't have time at the moment to deal with that question. You might also need to talk to your husband about it if you haven't already since this is him mother. Maybe he could help out more or talk to her.

Having read through the comments, esp your responses which give more examples, it sounds like your MIL is in the earlier stage of dementia. The various things you report that she says and does are often typical in the early stages. Repetition - yup. Can't locate something despite it is always in the same place/area - yup. Not wanting to go out/do things independently - yup. Not being able to work microwave, coffee pot, dishwasher despite being shown many times - yup. Seeking attention, sometimes.

You also implied this has been gradually getting worse. This likely rules out UTI, although it can't hurt to check. Usually the UTI will cause more abrupt changes in demeanor or behavior. She really should have a checkup and assessment for dementia/cognitive decline. Some regular doctors are not very good at this, but you could start there. Our doc tried giving the test to my mother, even though she had already been living in MC for 2+ years (couldn't even complete much of it) and when I went later for my checkup, I had to take the test too! It does, at the least, give a baseline. If you don't think the regular doc would be useful, you could take her to a neurologist for testing/assessment.

If this is dementia, which I do think it might be, she isn't doing this deliberately, nor can she "help" herself. Think of when your kids were toddlers, trying to learn things and be "helpful" - often they can't find things, ask questions over and over, seek more time with you, etc. This is how dementia is. The sad part is toddlers will eventually learn and grow, become more independent. With dementia, the process is in reverse. She WILL regress more.

You should get hubby involved in this, since it is his mother and you can't tackle this alone. Both of you need to learn more about dementia, because it won't get better, it will only get worse. Being armed with knowledge will make this "journey" a bit easier (just a bit), because you will be more aware of what to expect as it progresses.

The repetition is mainly because short-term memory loss is one of the first symptoms (it was for me - I had to do my research as I knew nothing about dementia at that time), so they don't remember that they just asked/said something. It's like a record getting stuck on a scratch. Sometimes you can "bump" it along, but it will get caught on another scratch later. Although using controls is more long term memory, there is also the issue of becoming unable to follow instructions - it gets jumbled so trying to operate something, or sometimes trying to follow a recipe, they find they can't figure it out, even something they have done or made for years.

So, recommendation is to get an assessment done asap. While waiting for appt, start learning the stages of dementia. It is helpful to know what you might encounter (the stages are guidelines, not everyone gets every symptom and not everyone gets them in the same order.)

I don't think she is a good candidate for IL and may not be for AL either, She may need MC, but during this current crisis, there isn't likely going to be a place that would take her in. You mention something about this not being doable. If family objects, then they need to take care of her instead, to see for themselves. If she has no real assets or savings, you would have to consider Medicaid.

But, start with getting a checkup/assessment. Until you know for sure whether this is dementia, you are working blind.