Follow
Share

Dad is 85 with late stage dementia, probably multiple types, doesn’t fit any 1 type. First obvious signs were in 2012, diagnosed w/ MCI in 2016, progressed from there. His memory has been all over the place. He was holding on to some new & old things. Doesn’t go back in time much. Over the past year & 1/2 he’s lost his language skills & either says sentences that aren’t relevant, or the words don’t go together or a lot of the time they are not real words at all. Seems content, but not totally aware of where he is or what’s going on. He doesn’t use any of our names, but smiles when he sees us, like he knows we are his, which is lovely. His sentences usually are a couple words & then goes into singing. Some of the time, especially recently, he seems to understand part of what’s going on. All of a sudden now, he might respond appropriately to a conversation. Even have a few full normal sentences. Use an appropriate word to let us know what he wants, like “bed” or “ cup”. He now seems to understand he’s “sick”. Again, not all the time, but more than he’s done in over a year. He is pretty healthy except for the dementia, in a wheelchair & awake at least 1/2 the day, eats good. I know there are ups & downs with all dementia, we’ve seen our fair share. This just seems different. Any one else have experience with this? (This is not about end of life sudden awareness, I understand that too. This is different.

Find Care & Housing
My husband is 82 and exhibits many of the signs you’re describing. He went into a memory care about six weeks ago. They told me his Alzheimer’s is affecting his frontal lobe primarily and that’s why his speech is extremely limited. He actually knows what he wants to say, but it’s like speaking to a stroke victim. He can’t form the words that he wants to say and so it’s a jumble and almost impossible to understand and it makes things extremely difficult on both ends. Also, he is relatively healthy with a great immune system and is mostly mobile but needs as a walker because he’s lost so much weight he’s pretty weak. I’ve noticed Alzheimer’s you don’t know really what you’re gonna get from day to day. There have been long stretches where he maintained a certain level and then he wakes up one day and it’s like he is fallen off of a cliff. I guess that is the journey. I recently moved him into a very small group home of only five people, and he seems much more content here than he did at the larger facility. I am hoping he will continue to be relatively content, but as much as I want that for his happiness. I almost feel abandoned and very alone. This is a difficult stretch and I wish you all the best. I took care of both of my parents until cancer took them away, and it was a walk in the park compared to this.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to ljkljk
Report
MTNester1 Apr 26, 2026
So sorry that you feel alone in this. I think venting here will be good for you. I'm sure glad that I found it. Sometimes I reply, sometimes I give my opinion based on experience, and sometimes I just read for the knowledge for what to expect in the future. I hope you can find comfort here.
(7)
Report
See 2 more replies
Regardless of whatever kind of dementia your dad may have it's quite obvious that Alzheimer's is the predominant dementia going on here as Alzheimer's is the slowest progressing of all the dementias and can go on for 20+ years, so just enjoy these more "lucid" moments while they last.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to funkygrandma59
Report
Ltracy Apr 20, 2026
Agreed!😊.
(0)
Report
If dad has been suffering from dementia since 2016, he likely has Alzheimer's disease. My mother was diagnosed in 2016 and passed in 2022. Most other dementias aside from AD have a pretty short lifespan.

Best of luck to you and dad.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report
Ltracy Apr 19, 2026
We were pretty sure it was at least Alzheimers, but Dr.’s don’t believe that’s all. He also shows signs of frontotemporal as well. He’s been different from 2 of my grandparents & 2 of his sisters who all had Alzheimers. They had their differences in progression, but more similarities to each other. Dad is almost completely different.
(0)
Report
Spring is here and summer is coming and there is stronger light and more light.
Mom always had a 10-20% uptick in the summer.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to brandee
Report
Ltracy Apr 20, 2026
Thanks for your reply. That is a good point. As well as he has a room mate for the first time & he has a lot of noise going on. It stresses dad, which can sometimes highten awareness too.
(1)
Report
With my mom I spent some time playing 20 questions trying to understand where she was - have you ever been married? had children? what's your name? ... until I realized I was probably stressing her out and making myself depressed. Her responses were variable, I think of it as a Swiss cheese model because in among the parts that made sense there would be inexplicable holes and contradictions. And some days she was more cognizant than others, but I don't think those people who only saw her occasionally believed me when I said she had days when she was bang on right up until her last weeks.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to cwillie
Report
Ltracy Apr 20, 2026
Thanks for your reply. We learned with my grandma that the questions weren’t a good idea. Unfortunately we’ve had too many family members to have trial & error on what works & what doesn’t.😢
I don’t think my brother believes us either.🤪
(4)
Report
Yes, my 83 year old wife suffers from dementia (probably, late stage Alzheimer.s), but is otherwise in good health, eats well (with help) and sleeps well. She has difficulty finding the words to express her thoughts, which she finds frustrating. She is mobile and walks around the house picking things up and moving them from place to place, I think that she is aware of the skills that she has lost and that this is an attempt to be useful. Until about 5 years ago, she was a skilled knitter, cross-sticher, spinner, soap and candle-maker. She also was an avid reader and loved foreign languages. We used to walk about 3 miles most days and danced weekly. It's very hard to watch this deterioration and to learn how to accept my new role as caregiver, but I know, if the situation were reversed, she would do the same for me. On the bright side, most of the time, she seems reasonably content, and because of the loss of short-term memory, unpleasant events are soon forgotten. She enjoys visits from our children and grandchildren as long as they are of reasonable duration. The most difficult thing for me these days is trying to figure out what she is saying or asking and responding appropriately. I hope this was helpful.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Pagan1
Report

It's so difficult wondering what they're thinking, and how they see the world around them. It's great that your dad seems to know the family members in his life. Whether he remembers exactly how you are related to him, at least he recognizes a familiar and friendly face.

Since you don't really know exactly what type of dementia he has, it is hard to say what is normal or what is to be expected. Of course, with dementia, every brain is unique, and there is no "normal".

My husband suffered traumatic brain injury as a result of a massive stroke. That was 11 years ago. He was young, only 53. What I was told by nurses and doctors was that although he had a significant loss of brain cells, which were irreparably damaged, that over time new neural connections could form and unused brain cells could "learn" to take the place of some of the damaged brain cells.
Here is what I have seen in him: Initially, after the stroke, he was mostly non-responsive, awake for maybe 15 min a day. That gradually increased. 2 years after the stroke, he was sleeping 18 hours a day, and watching children's movies when he was awake, asking to repeat the same movie over and over again, much like young children do. His language skills were single-word demands, which did not necessarily correspond to what he really wanted. Mostly he yelled "up" - which is understandable, considering he has been bed-bound, and gets anxious and wants out of bed. Or he simply yells for "help".
Now, years later, he sleeps 8 to 10 hours overnight, awake the rest of the day.
He has graduated to reading what is on the TV guide, and requesting what he wants, though he is rarely satisfied with his choice. He still uses one or two words to make requests, but often he uses the wrong word, for instance saying "change it" (TV) when he really wants a drink, or trying to get out of his lift recliner, and yelling for help or yelling "me up!" when he is unsatisfied with what is on the tv.
Every once in a while, out of the blue, he will utter a complete unexpected sentence. It always stops me in my tracks. I get excited and try to talk with him more, but it doesn't last. It was just a one time thing that I have learned to cherish when it happens.

Similar to your dad knowing he is "sick", my husband will sometimes be upset and agitated, and I ask what is wrong. He can't really explain, so I go through a list of questions. Often he points to his head and cries. He has an awareness that his brain doesn't work and he finds it frustrating and scary. He even asked me to take him to the hospital because he thought they could fix his brain.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to CaringWifeAZ
Report
Jennyjenjen Apr 26, 2026
Sending hugs
(3)
Report
See 1 more reply
He sounds just like my husband, age 68, diagnosed with vascular dementia mid 2024. He cannot verbalize most of the time, but feels things and still intuitive to family strife. It has been hard on all of us and there is a current disagreement dividing our family on the way I coped with my osolation and depression.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to donnabeams
Report
Kellatcox Apr 26, 2026
I am sorry to hear you are going through this. How "you" cope with your isolation and depression is "your" decision. You do have to keep in mind that they disagree only because they care about you and are worried for your health and safety too. Being with a spouse that has been diagnosed with vascular dementia is not easy and you don't need to take this on alone, if you attempt to do this without assistance you will wear yourself down and also become ill. In turn this would not benefit your spouse, you or your family.
(2)
Report
Talk to him and ask him what you won’t to know. Ask him if he knows your name and who you are. Some days he will and dome days he won’t. That’s the way it is. Some days he may believe relatives that have passed on are still living. You just have to go with the flow and make them as comfortable and content as you can.
It’s waste of time and effort to argue with them about what they believe.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Abcarb
Report
Ltracy Apr 27, 2026
Fortunately dad is pretty content. Nothing to argue about. Like many, most of the time he can’t express himself because of not only the dementia but also a form of aphasia. For most of 1 & 1/2 yrs he hasn’t seemed to be aware he’s in different surroundings or what’s going on. Not aware of the aphasia so doesn’t seem to get irritated. It’s just been recently that he seems more aware most days, able to speak in some short sentences at times, respond to yes or no questions pretty well, but then many later in the day obviously be “gone” again.
(0)
Report
Try cognitive things he use to enjoy. They are not done until they say they are done. Dementia is not a death sentence.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to openhome4you
Report
funkygrandma59 Apr 27, 2026
openhome4you, dementia is most definitely a death sentence, as not one person has survived it. If the dementia itself doesn't kill the person often it can be a major fall, stroke, heart issue or pneumonia that will take them out before the dementia does. Although in most cases the major falls and aspiration pneumonia are caused by the dementia itself, so in reality it is the dementia that kills them in the end anyway you slice it.
And yes...dementia sucks anyway you slice it too.
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
See All Answers
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter