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My mother has been living with me for just under 2 years. I have a two story home with all bedrooms/bathrooms located on the upper floor. In the beginning my mom had no trouble climbing the stairs but recently she began to struggle and I was concerned about her falling so I recently had a stair lift installed. I know with moderate dementia their comprehension is limited but I did my best to explain ahead of time what it was for and how it worked. First time using it yesterday she had a complete and total melt down, to the point I don't know how to go about coaxing her to use it again. After all the money spent, I'm questioning if she will ever be comfortable using it. I don't want to ever force her to use it but she does need to go to medical appointments etc.

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I agree that it probably seems overwhelming to her and maybe scary. Sorry about the money you’ve lost to it but even if she was able to get it to work it once, in 10 minutes (if she’s like my mom) it’ll be brand new to her again and she will most likely continue to be resistant.
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Reply to LucyImHome
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Gently, and with NO expectation that she ever actually will. Any change to her routine is going to be met with a freak out of some type/level.
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Reply to mommabeans
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Have you used it so she can see how it works? Like a demonstration?

It’s very possible mom won’t be able to stay in your house anymore though
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Reply to Bulldog54321
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I am afraid without your "hands on assistance" this will not only be impossible to get right, but could be disastrous in terms of an accident. This requires seat belting and all sort of precautions. Very worried about your attempting something this complicated with someone this elderly, this frail, and with this level of dementia.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Bulldog54321 Jun 20, 2025
Yes, it seems much too late and even if she had used it for years, I can still see how scary it might be for her.
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This is not only like teaching an old dog a new trick, but an old dog with a broken brain(and no I'm not calling your mom an old dog.)
Have you rode in it first to show her that she'll be safe? And have you walked beside her up or down the steps as she was riding in it, so again she felt safe, or did you just put her in it and let her go on her own?
You just need to keep on trying, all the time reassuring your mom that she will be safe, as I'm sure the lift itself can be quite frightening to someone with dementia.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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I doubt if she will ever be comfortable with the stair lift. She won't recall your teachings about it, she won't recall that it's safe, she will continue to be confused as to its purpose.

I liken this to fear of riding in a car, which happens with some dementia patients. My husband was one of them. He grew up in the family garage business, drove race cars for a hobby for a while, loved long driving trips. With dementia, he tried to get out of a moving car by opening the door. He had no idea that this was unsafe. Started using the child locks. Buckled him securely, but he grew increasingly agitated while constantly pulling at the belt and buckle because he didn't know what they were. Told him repeatedly what the car was and where it would take us - park, doctor, etc. Made no sense to him.

One difficulty I'd anticipate if you continue to try the stair lift with mom - you might get her on and she won't get off, complete with meltdown. I had the problem of getting husband in the car, going where we were going, and then he wouldn't get back in to go home.

Sometimes you just have to give up. Use the stair lift for yourself.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Yoliebel Jun 20, 2025
Thank you for your response. I must say I chuckled at some of your experiences. It made me step back, take a breath and smile at yesterday's fiasco 🙃. I agree, sometimes you do have to give up. My husband (who has Parkinsons) and I bought the stair lift as a way for us to also age in place, so it won't go to waste.
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