How do I help my mother with cancer and dementia when she refuses help, and my stepfather enables her because he is afraid of her?
My mother is 84 with rectal cancer and undiagnosed dementia. Her husband (my stepfather) is 80 and is her primary caregiver. He has memory problems himself and is not providing very good care for her. For example, he lets her take her own meds when she clearly can't do so. My relationship with them is strained due to a family history of stepfather abusing me, and she has leaned toward narcissism all my life. Now, he wants me to help her get to her medical appointments, which I have done twice since I live in the same town. But now she is refusing to go to doctor appointments or see anyone, including me. She has been referred to hospice, but refuses to have anyone in the house she doesn't know, even for an assessment. And she is adamant about not going into a home. I am at my wits' end, not knowing what to do. I feel like I am fighting both of them. I am trying to accept that she will most likely die this way, but I still want her to have some dignity when that happens. Do I just let it go and let nature take its course, or do I go to APS? Any responses would be helpful.