Long story, but I’ll try to list the events instead of describe them.
1. On 9/11, my mother had an aneurysm rupture in her head. She survived, but recovery was never 100%. Ex. social filter gone - just poof.
2. Dad died 7 yrs later. Only then do my sister + I discover how much he hid from us about her.
3. My sister lives 2000 m away. I live 45. I try to get Mom to sell the farm + move closer to me. Utter + complete failure. I discovered she never wanted children + never really loved us. (Another long story.)
4. Enter predator/“odd jobs guy.” Someone who helps her out...my age. Suddenly Mom is drinking. I get calls from her neighbors...the sheriff has been there; fighting and yelling.
5. The man’s brother gets out of jail.
6. My mom develops 8 ulcers...after taking her to 6 endoscopies- she kicks me out of her hospital room and threatens to have the guy burn my house down. She also fires our family doctor. The man claims her doctor prescribed her sleeping pills and she accidentally took too many. The doctor is my uncle. He would never do that.
7. The brother of the predator has a wife who is now in charge of my mom’s medication as a “caregiver.” Unofficially, of course.
8. I called APS; they interviewed Mom, who said she’s afraid of the guy, but as soon as he fixes the barn, he’s history. A tall tale.
9. My cousin called today, said the predator had called her to invite her to their wedding next Saturday.
10. IDK what to do to save her. My sister has a hands-off policy that seems to work for her, but, my God. This is my mother. She’s impaired. Her house has become a hovel. I worry about her pets too. Two have died under suspicious circumstances. Over the last 11 years since Dad died, the love I had for her has bled away. She’s killed it, but I still feel like my dad would want me to do something.
This man is a bad person. He has drained her finances. She has a good teacher’s retirement, but I hear she claims to have no money and she tells ppl that her daughters have abandoned her.
Sometimes I think I’m living in an alternate universe. This can’t be happening. My mom was a respected woman. It’s so awful and sad.
When she was gone he decided that he wanted his family to take him in and support him in his old age since his choices didn't work out so well.
Be prepared for her to lose everything and for him to dump her when it is gone or worse. I think that my dads wife was trying to kill him through medical negligence. He was almost dead when we picked him up and he was in the hospital and SNF for a combined 60 days. We called the police multiple times and they always said he was fine. Yeah, the definition of what is fine is apparently subjective.
You have to decide if you will help pick up the pieces afterwards or if you will walk away. Those are your only 2 choices because she is free to make these decisions and there is nothing you can do.
Best of luck, it is an awful situation and you feel utterly helpless, but remember, you have choices for how much you will help her when this falls apart, don't feel obligated or guilty if you decide to let her deal with her consequences. Hugs!
My recently widowed dad was taken by one of the same- while I documented and reported to ALL authorities, he lost his house and everything he worked for his entire life to an ex- felon prostitute. I spent much time trying to make him aware to no avail! After draining him of all his funds she dumped him off, with a shopping bag of his belongings, in a motel in another state. Horrible!
Probably best that we don’t draw attention to us at this point.
But, she’s been in three car accidents in the last two years too. It’s just crazy.