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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Susan, are you THERE? You asked us a question, and we are more than willing to help, but you have not further participated in the Forum. Can you say more?
What in particular is the most worrisome aspect of the care you are currently giving? This is BOUND to be stressful and full of anxiety; how could it be otherwise? To have a conversation we need to know a bit more about you and your situation.
I have a LO that requires a lot of help. I started doing a few things.. we know how that goes. Mission Creep. After a while, resentment grew. Other family were feeling the strain & voicing it more often too.
It was time for change.
I listed all the tasks I was doing. I listed all the tasks other family members were doing. It was quite a list!
In the words of the Social Worker, the new care plan was needed. It was to have less 'informal care' done by family & more 'formal care' eg home services, personal aides, transport aides, financial management, case management.
Formal supports were added, then increased. My stress level finally lowered. Looking back I have no idea why we waited so long. We seemed stuck in the thought that *family only must help family*. This was foggy & fautly.
Get a regular caregiver from agency or private hire so mother gets to know the same person. She won’t be a stranger after about 2 weeks of learning mother’s routine. And the caregiver is there to help You and sis. Mom just has to learn to get along. Agreed, It can take a few different caregivers to find a good fit. People with experience have been the best fit for us but we also had some excellent very young caregivers through an agency. They were wise, creative and confident and competent and effective beyond their age and even stated experience. I learned to not judge a book by cover. Caregiver learns the routine, helping mom shower and dress, prepares light meals for mom, washes mom dishes, light housekeeping, does moms laundry once or twice a week, organize her closet and keep fridge organized, make the weekly grocery list, helps mom get in the mail, take mom for a short walk down the street and back if she can, takes mom to appointments and you meet them there, keeps mom’s fingernails clean and trimmed, takes her for a haircut, helps with pet care, if mom has a pet. There is plenty for caregiver to do. She may also take mom out for an ice cream or pick up groceries that you can order on line and they just pick up and then put away, water the plants. Mom doesn’t get to refuse. Or just sit awkwardly with the caregiver like she has no needs and wait for you and sis to come back. Oh no. Caregiver is there to help you and sis and mom learns to function with caregiver support when you two are not there. Or placement in a facility. The caregiver won’t be stranger after a couple of weeks and if she is the same caregiver every week.
I am in the same boat and anxious to hear advice. My sister who works has moved in with mom when dad died a year ago, is physically there in evenings but after a year, signs of stress are there. I handle finance and medical visits and general chores but haven’t been there much the past 6 months as I’ve been recovering from surgery. I tried visiting angels but mom can’t get past having a stranger in the condo and won’t utilize the help. We’re tired, guilty, stressed, anxious, etc. We both want our lives back but can’t walk away from mom either. My husband is very frustrated as we had plans for our retirement.
KayDee7, it’s not fair to anyone in this situation—you, your sister, your husband.
If Mom doesn’t like Visiting Angels, then another caregiver who she does like (from a different agency, perhaps) will have to be found, It’s best if you and your sister sit down with Mom, and explain how tired you both are. There is also nothing wrong with telling her that you need to put more energy into your own lives. It’s my sense (based on lived and anecdotal experiences) that many members of the Silent Generation are very entitled. They truly expect their adult children to sacrifice their lives for them. Don’t do that: you will regret it.
Susan, you have your post listed under assisted living along with other things, but this tells us that your mother is now living in an assisted living facility right? And if that is the case your mother is receiving the 24/7 care she now requires and you as her daughter are now her advocate. And apparently you are finding that role stressful, and perhaps you could tell us why, as it's hard to answer your question with the little info that you've given us. So perhaps you can come back and elaborate more on exactly what is causing your stress, so we can better help you.
More information certainly would help. One of the key things with caregiving is to make sure the caregiver is not overloaded and has time for breaks. As we don't know your situation it's hard to be more specific.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
What in particular is the most worrisome aspect of the care you are currently giving?
This is BOUND to be stressful and full of anxiety; how could it be otherwise?
To have a conversation we need to know a bit more about you and your situation.
It was time for change.
I listed all the tasks I was doing.
I listed all the tasks other family members were doing. It was quite a list!
In the words of the Social Worker, the new care plan was needed. It was to have less 'informal care' done by family & more 'formal care' eg home services, personal aides, transport aides, financial management, case management.
Formal supports were added, then increased. My stress level finally lowered. Looking back I have no idea why we waited so long. We seemed stuck in the thought that *family only must help family*. This was foggy & fautly.
My Mother did this. Would sit & wait in damp trousers - refuse help. But time wore her down & the carers became trusted & welcome friends.
If Mom doesn’t like Visiting Angels, then another caregiver who she does like (from a different agency, perhaps) will have to be found, It’s best if you and your sister sit down with Mom, and explain how tired you both are. There is also nothing wrong with telling her that you need to put more energy into your own lives. It’s my sense (based on lived and anecdotal experiences) that many members of the Silent Generation are very entitled. They truly expect their adult children to sacrifice their lives for them. Don’t do that: you will regret it.
And if that is the case your mother is receiving the 24/7 care she now requires and you as her daughter are now her advocate. And apparently you are finding that role stressful, and perhaps you could tell us why, as it's hard to answer your question with the little info that you've given us.
So perhaps you can come back and elaborate more on exactly what is causing your stress, so we can better help you.