Hi all.
First, thanks for the advice so far.
HOW do you find a good memory care facility?
Mom has had some medical issues, culminating in me calling 911. She had diarrhea thanks to enema given her just before discharge from a hospitalization for a blood clot.
She needed changing and was fighting me tooth and nail. She got a brush from the bathroom vanity and was hitting me with it while sitting in her wheelchair in a pool of waste.
I was a wreck.
Got her to hospital (bless the 911 crew) and told staff she needed placement. She had been hitting me and this was it.
She wound up someplace awful!
The hospital arranged placement, and when we got there, the staff literally snatched the medication list the hospital gave me on discharge. I had taken photo with cell phone so I would have it with me. (This is important later.)
The unit was locked and I made a point to visit daily. I did not observe a lot of staff interaction with patients.
On the plus side, she was getting physical therapy and was managing her walker and wheelchair better.
Had to be alert that her clothes did not go missing. Was doing her laundry at home because I had heard of trouble with patients' things at other places.
Mom told me at one visit that one of the staff "pinched" patients who vexed her. As I was not sure what was happening, I filed it.
Then there was another patient on the unit, a young man with some sort of mental disorder. I saw him masturbating out in public. The female patients were afraid of him. Then family photos I had put in mom's room kept disappearing. I would mention it, the photo came back, only to vanish a day or so later.
I filed this as I was told some residents "shop" other's rooms.
Had a meeting with the staff and we went over progress, medications. I specifically asked about the Xarelto mom has been prescribed for the blood clot. I was told she was taking it.
THEN mom's $3,000 hearing aid disappeared. Arrived for a visit and she could not hear me. Without it mom is stone deaf. I immediately alerted the only nurse on the floor and several aides.
To say the response was lukewarm is an understatement.
I went to the director of nursing's office to discuss what was happening. The aid was found, but every time I came over, it was locked up in the drug box.
Made the decision to bring mom home. When I got her med list from the facility, no Xarelto. She had not been getting it for two weeks.
On the plus side, the antidepressant they started her on has eliminated the hitting.
BUT two days after discharge she was back in hospital with gastritis. The diarrhea was incredible. The blood clot was reforming. The gastritis was due in part to blockages in abdominal arteries, something the Xarelto was supposed to help.
She's home now, Things are better. But the writing is there. I am partially disabled and don't know how long I can handle her.
How do I find a GOOD facility for mom?
When Mom was discharged from the hospital, they gave me less than 24 hours to pick one from their list. Btwn further discussions with doctors and nurses, Dad's needs at home, our animals, and traffic, that period of time only allowed me to visit 2 facilities.
One was right behind that hospital so I walked over. The building felt old and outdated inside and it was going to be a 25 min drive each way, which was okay for 4 days in the hospital but not for twice daily trips for several weeks.
I'd already been in the one a mile from our house. No one there was interested in giving me a tour or even acknowledging my presence so I just walked around on my own. The urine smell was pervasive. That's not a dealbreaker because I think urine smells occur in all facilities at times. However, the female patients sitting out front looked very depressed. I heard one ask a sitting staff member who does her hair. The staff member just looked at her and there was a long silence before she replied "Who does my hair?!!" as if she was insulted. All of that combined was enough for me to leave and decide never to come back.
I chose a facility that was only 2 yrs old. It felt clean and there was no offensive odor. They even had their own hair salon and a coffee/ice cream cafe', two things important to Mom. They also had daily activities, which I suspected she wouldn't partake of (I was right) but one of them was visits with a dog, which I thought she'd like. She ended up liking none of it, not even the coffee house.
Though Mom's determination to be unhappy there had a lot to do with some of what went wrong in the bigger picture, I wish I'd done more observing of the staff before choosing that place.
We had a difficult time overcoming the distractions from Mom's care that my niece created with her incessant drama. The staff spent too much listening to her and not enough time taking care of Mom. Part of that blame certainly falls on my niece but part of it is also about being professional, which means not getting wrapped up in rumors without getting facts.
I pushed Mom's alarm one time when I arrived, as she had soaked through her clothes and the sheets. A CNA arrived within 5 minutes and I asked if she could change Mom. She was flustered and said she was busy feeding someone. I apologized, adding "oh sure! No problem...when you can". About 15 min. later I walked down the hall and saw her standing in a doorway of a room laughing and chatting with a family. She saw me and quickly looked back at that patient asking "are you eating okay?". I kept walking but wondered if she was just politely staying and talking with them, or was she only interested in helping them because they are of her own race?" I let it go.
Then, 15 more minutes went by and I walked by the nurses station where I saw her sitting in a chair with her feet up on the desk. I kept walking.
Still trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, I asked the nurse who was charting in the hall if there was a specific time of day they're supposed to change them. She said no, they should do it as needed and she came in and did it herself.
There were a few too many similar incidents with CNA's who were lazy or had a chip on their shoulder.