My grandpa is 87 in the moderate stage of Alzhiemers. After a hospital stay for failure to thrive I placed him in memory care. We discussed it as being a rehab after the hospital. We did not discuss a length of stay and when he asks I say I dont know. On one side he asks how long it'll be before home and on the other he is really enjoying and is impressed with where he is saying he feels relief. I feel guilty not saying this is your home but he would never in any cognitive form agree to move from his home and being home alone was unsafe. I struggle with did I make the right choice will he wise up and hate me? The further in his Alzhiemers we get the more I see how I made the right call. But the guilt is eating me
You made the right choice for GP as I made for my mother. To keep them safe and well cared for in an environment shrunken down to fit their limited abilities. Socializing is good for them too. You have zero reasons to feel guilty.
Best of luck to you.
We had to change the subject.
If he does indeed wise up, it will be to see how relieved he is to be safe and comfortable in a place he enjoys. I'm sure in his heart, he is thankful to have you care so much and to have helped him to be well cared for.
You did the right thing. It's ok to feel grief, which is what you're experiencing. You didn't do anything wrong and so you cannot allow yourself to feel guilty. May you receive peace in your heart.
You said, "he would never in any cognitive form agree to move from his home and being home alone was unsafe". He was unsafe at home because of Alzheimer's. Please do a quick search to find out what happens to them when they are alone at home. Falling, wandering off into traffic, turning on the water faucet and walking away, ruining the entire house from water damage and mold (happens fast, you'd be surprised), putting something in the microwave for hours and causing a fire, putting metal in there and causing a fire, turning on the gas and leaving it on, potentially blowing the entire block up, driving and killing a family, and more.
You saved him and any potential victims from this. You have done the right thing. A secret that more people should know is that people with any form of dementia should never be home alone. He has Alzheimer's, at some point he might suspect you of something and get mad but that is part of the disease. He may never realize that you "put him in a home", and that's fine too.
You feel guilty and a lot of people describe that feeling that way. But as you've been told here, this is not usually what you are actually feeling. You are feeling grief for the circumstances. You wish he wasn't suffering from this disease. You wish things were as they were before. But you can't change those things, and you are right to grieve. But not to be guilty. You did the hard thing and he is where he belongs. Memory care won't just take some old fellow because you want to get rid of him. He has to need to be there for them to take him. They know what can befall him unsupervised, alone.
Please visit him with an open heart and meet him where he is in his journey. So far, he seems pleasant and content and that is something to be grateful for. Try to enjoy being with him as he is now, and spending time with him. We have seen it all here on this forum, and if you were doing something awful to him, we would say it. He has lived a nice long life and I hope his last years with you are pleasant for both of you. You've done the right thing for and by him.