Warning, this is a sensitive subject that may be offensive to some.
My wife's self-care hygiene is going downhill. Part of the problem is not wiping very good, especially when she uses the bedside commode. I think she has a hard time reaching the right spots to wipe.
The past few weeks it's been a real struggle to get her to take a shower once a week. I think she needs a shower at least twice a week to prevent sores and keep someone from calling APS on us.
She can't smell herself. But I certainly can from across the room.
I need to get our kids involved in talking to her about hygiene. This gets us back to my original question. Weekly showers aren't enough. Should it be twice a week, every other day or every day (which probably won't happen)?
Some people with dementia refuse bathing. It can happen, but you need help.
You have a couple of options here. If it is not an option for you to help her wash up or shower, I would suggest getting a private CNA perhaps three times a week to help your wife with showering. At the very least a good CNA would be able to convince and help your wife to take a very good sponge bath and would be very involved in getting her clean. She could also do her laundry afterwards and make sure that she eats while she's there.
Regarding the poor wiping skills... This is something you are going to have to learn to do for her. I would suggest getting wet baby wipes that work well and are then thrown away. Keeping her nails short is also very important as is trying to keep her hands clean before she eats etc.
The other option would be to put her in a memory care facility.
Yes, you are going to need to help her toilet. I recommend Huggie babywipes. They are thicker and bigger than women's wipes.
2 showers a week should be fine if she's being properly cleaned on the off days. You can use the extra large body wipes and the waterless shampoo and conditioner caps that you can order on Amazon or Walmart.com on those off days.
And of course if this is something that you can't handle yourself, you can hire bath aides to come in to help, or it may be time to look into getting your wife placed in the appropriate facility.
YOU have to be more involved in her bathroom/toileting.
YOU are going to have to begin helping her to wipe properly and make sure she is clean. this could be as simple as using wipes or a warm washcloth or as "fancy" as installing a bidet seat on the toilet so that you can more easily clean her.
You also are going to have to help her shower.
If your wife has dementia talking TO her is not going to help.
First she will not retain for long what is said.
Second we think of taking a shower as a simple thing to do, we have done it for years without thinking about it.
Well there are a LOT of steps to taking a shower.
Getting all the things you need
Taking off you clothes
Getting the water temp right.
getting in, closing the door or curtain
getting wet, getting soap, lathering...
you get what I am trying to get at.
This is a lot to do.
And the noise is sometimes frightening
The water beating down on the head and chest is frightening.
A lot of people will have a person come a few times a week to just do a shower for a loved one.
2 times a week would be enough as long as you can manage the hygiene the rest of the time. You can not rely on your wife to do a good job.