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Mom continues to deteriorate. She wants to get up from bed and five minutes later she wants to go back. When in bed she tends to rock back and forth now and will tap on the rails of her hospital bed with her ring . Memory wise she keeps asking to go home even though she is home.

Is she on hospice? Anxiety is part of the body shutting down. Anxiety is also a symptom of the pain of dying. Speak to her doctor. She can get medicated for this
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Reply to MACinCT
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Anxiety is one of the signs that the body is shutting down. I think you may want to call Hospice in for an evalution. If already on Hospice, ask for anxiety meds.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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The best thing you can do is to medicate your mother for agitation and anxiety rather than question which home she's wanting to return to. It's irrelevant, really, since she's already home and seriously confused. What comes next is not as important as keeping mom as relaxed as possible throughout the ordeal of dementia. That's the only goal. Remove her jewelry to keep it safe and to avoid noise making. An antidepressant and Ativan worked very well for my mother during her dementia days w/o knocking her into a coma.

Good luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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If she hs visiting nursing talk to them about getting her some anti-anxiety medication. This will help her. If she's still able to be transferred out of bed and into a chair, that's good. She should be getting up every day and in a chair because it will help to prevent pressure sores fom forming if she's in bed 24/7. Does she have a recliner char that she can be put in during the day? This way if she wants lay down the chair can be reclined and she can.

From what you're saying, she is far advanced in dementia. It's not a good idea for her to be wearing rings or any other types of jewelry now. Jewelry can easily become a choking hazard and be very uncomfortable for a bedbound or nearly bedbound person with dementia. I was a homecare worker for many years. I strongly urge you to remove any jewelry she has on. I had a care client with dementia who was mostly in bed. Her family insisted that she be allowed to keep her jewelry on despite what they were told by her care team.. She picked at her rings until her fingers bled. She also pulled one of her diamond stud earring out injuring herself and swallowed it. The earring was in her diaper a few days later.

I commend you for keeping your mother home. There's really not much that can be done for her now other than medication to calm her and just being with her. If you don't already have homecare aides coming to help, that's something you should look into. Caregiver burnout is real and it can happen fast. You need to have regular breaks from her in order to stay a good caregiver. I wish you all the best because I know how hard caregiving is.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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This sounds really difficult and stressful for you and your mom. Do you have any help caring for her? Is she on hospice, or is there a nurse or social worker you can call? I don’t know whether there are meds that could calm her anxiety. But if not, you need to find a way for yourself to get a break. Can you hire an aide to come in for 4 hours per day?

Does she sleep at night? Does TV or music or food or stroking her arm distract her? What would happen if you take off her ring?

Wishing you both some peace and relief.
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Reply to Suzy23
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Asking to go home is part of a common dementia behavior called Sundowning.

https://www.agingcare.com/topics/19/sundowners-syndrome

Is your Mom on anything for agitation/anxiety? Maybe she needs something to take the edge off since she can't bring her mind to a place of peace on her own anymore? Talk to her doctor about meds.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Many people on the site say that in old age people often think of “home” as where they were born or where they grew up as children. It might help if you get her to talk about “home” to try to be sure what she means.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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firsttimer1 Jul 7, 2026
I don't think that's it. I'm just guessing but she can't map out the house. gets lost getting to the bathroom . her brain can't map things out. Plus she's in a hospital bed. she knows her address believe it or not, but she doesn't recognize where she is
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It’s so hard and I’m no expert. My mum is in a care home and for the first weeks kept asking how to get home. I just kept telling her this is your new home mum and making her feel loved and safe, telling her I love her etc. she seems to have stopped asking now. With dementia patients I remember being told they will forget things quickly so it’s more important to focus on their feelings and so making them feel safe and loved with reassuring words is the best you can do. I feel for you, I know it’s hard x
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Reply to Lucylou7
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