My HWA recently had a stroke and the Dr.’s deemed him not able to return home. I had to place him in Memory Care. Every time I visit he associates me with going home. He keeps asking when can I get out of here, what do I have to do to go home? We initially told him the stroke made him weak and he needs to get stronger. The Dr.’s just told me the won’t do any PT on him as they feel it will not be beneficial. So now what do we say to him about never coming home?????
The truth is, it usually doesn’t help to tell them outright “you’re never going home.” That can cause more anxiety and heartbreak. Instead, a gentler approach works best. You can redirect the conversation — say something like, “The doctor still wants you to get stronger first,” or “Let’s focus on today, maybe later.” This calms the moment without putting him into a painful reality he can’t process.
You’re not lying — you’re meeting him where his mind is. In dementia care we often call this “therapeutic fibbing.” It’s about kindness, not deception. The goal is his peace of mind.
I might be wrong but thats how I handle it.
This is what we told my MIL in LTC. She still didn't like the answer but at least it gave her hope and we weren't the bad guys.
On that same note, if his dementia has progressed to the point he's in memory care, then it's likely that his short term memory is not reliable. That means whatever reason you tell him for being there, he won't remember.
Like Grandma1954 said, it's best to continue telling him it's up to the doctor when he comes home.
Leave right about the time they are getting ready for lunch or dinner. Get him situated at the table and bring him something. then quietly leave as they are bringing the rest of the meal. (I know it is difficult to not say goodbye)
Get him involved with a game.
Ask an Aide if they can take him to the bathroom, while they are in the bathroom you can leave.
Continue to tell him that it is up to the doctor to release him. Make sure the doctor is aware that you can not care for him at home. This way it is "the doctors fault" that he can't come home yet.