How to handle a situation in which granddaughter will not contact grandfather?

Question

How to handle a situation in which granddaughter will not contact grandfather?

Follow

Share

38 Answers

Faithful, next time your dad or anyone says anything about your daughter, you should say straight out, "she doesn't want to put up with your hateful bs dad. She doesn't do what you think she should so you run her in the ground to others!?!? Can you say I'm an a$$ho!e dad? Because you are, now, stop talking $#!t about my daughter or I'll walk away and never look back, understand?"

Last time I checked the phone system works both ways, why some people sit around and never reach out, yet, they have the nerve to complain about someone else that does actually call is mind blowing to me. My mom did this crap and it made me less likely to call. Crikey, if you wanna talk to someone get off you backside and call them. It would amaze people to see how well that works out.

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

My coworker truly believed that it was the responsibility of the younger generation to call the older one.

(1)

Report

See 3 more replies

Faithful, I’ve related on the forum a bit before about my in-laws. They are in their mid 80’s and if any of you met them you’d all say they are charming, nice people. That’s deserved because they really are well liked by church members and friends. Most family knows them as extremely self involved and disinterested. My four adult children have no relationship with them, a remnant of their complete lack of involvement while they were growing up. Never came to recitals, games, concerts, etc. They would mine information from my husband and I for good stories about the children, what activities they were doing, etc. and regale their friends with wonderful grandchildren stories. But they spent no time with them and didn’t actually know them. Same story today, except now hubby and I avoid telling them much at all. They have all four grandchildren’s phone numbers, but never call or text. They are very involved with the grandchildren of golden boy son. There’s been no argument or family feud, it just is and we’ve accepted it. Our adult children want nothing to do with them. When my last parent died, they all told us they were sad as they “don’t have grandparents anymore” How sad, but it’s truly their loss. We make no effort to encourage our children to contact or see them. Acceptance didn’t come easily, but it’s truly a gift you give yourself and very freeing. I hope you’ll arrive in a place of acceptance too

Helpful Answer (6)

Report

@Daughterof1930,
I have taken myself out of this equation. For someone to not want to talk or have contact with another person has to be for a very good reason. I do not need anything extra on my plate so I'm removing this. All I want is for my daughter to be happy. When you said that about your parents not attending recitals, it reminded me of the time when my dad was angry with my daughter's piano teacher's husband. It had nothing to do with piano lessons so because he was mad, he wanted my daughter to stop taking lessons but I refused. So he would not go to her recital. It is things like that he did that I'm sure my daughter remembers. He would not even attend her Senior Party dinner that I and a few other parents organized for our children. He was mad because we would have it at his house. But my daughter begged me not me because she was afraid he would embarrass her .

(2)

Report

Why is it so important to you that your granddaughter maintain a relationship with someone who is " not a very nice person". Let her be, allow her to make her own decisions. She might start resenting you if you keep on pushing that relationship. I do believe all of us should make our own decisions on who we have a relationship or not.
Do not make excuses for her absence, as Isthisrealyreal stated the ..." the phone system works both ways.", allow your granddaughter to make her own decisions, she is an adult and you might be actually making things more difficult for her by forcing the issue.
Please do not force your granddaughter to have a relationship with someone she is not comfortable doing so, it will only make things worse and create resentment towards you.

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

Hi Faithful - I actually give you daughter TONS of credit for knowing her own mind - and not accepting anyone treating her badly ....remaining strong - and not going thru the motion or forcing herself to see her grandfather when he's been unkind to her. It's good that she remains true to herself and she knows her self-worth. I would say that's empowering.

Helpful Answer (9)

Report

OP replied to a response and updated how she now feels.

"@Daughterof1930,
I have taken myself out of this equation. For someone to not want to talk or have contact with another person has to be for a very good reason. I do not need anything extra on my plate so I'm removing this. All I want is for my daughter to be happy. When you said that about your parents not attending recitals, it reminded me of the time when my dad was angry with my daughter's piano teacher's husband. It had nothing to do with piano lessons so because he was mad, he wanted my daughter to stop taking lessons but I refused. So he would not go to her recital. It is things like that he did that I'm sure my daughter remembers. He would not even attend her Senior Party dinner that I and a few other parents organized for our children. He was mad because we would have it at his house. But my daughter begged me not me because she was afraid he would embarrass her ."

I had an Uncle who never cared how he hurt someone. My DD was on the chubby side at 10 and he called her fat. This was a man who was 300lbs. My daughter said nothing till we got out the door. "I was good Mom. I didn't say anything." I told her if she had, I would not have punished her. She hated that man until he died and still does.

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

I was a chubby preteen until I hit puberty and grew few inches in height. I had an uncle who never missed a chance to make fun of my size at family gatherings (my parents, who were both dolts, said nothing). As soon as I could (around 14 y.o.) I stopped attending family visits with my parents if I knew he would be there.

(4)

Report

See 1 more reply

@peace416,
I understand! Whenever my daughter comes home for a holiday, my dad would always badger her with questions or something about her weight. I told him specifically not to do this when she came home a couple of years ago, and he did it anyway. He asked a million unecessary questions, acted like he did like the food we prepared and he acted like he did not like his gifts.

Helpful Answer (0)

Report

My mother still to this day always comments on my daughter's weight. It really frustrates me because she is a little overweight herself. I want to say something so badly but with dementia I cannot argue with her. It is very hurtful for a grandmother to put down her granddaughter. For this reason, my daughter also chooses not to have much to do with my mother.

(1)

Report

See 3 more replies

There might have been something horrific that happened between them. She will not open up. Maybe the incident causes PTSD. Please honor her wishes as she made an adult decision.

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

Hi, I'm an adult who cut off contact with grandparents before they passed, and I'm not sorry for cutting off contact, despite them all having passed. I'm adopted but know my birth family, so there's lots of grandparents in the mix. The nasty each chose to be cruel in private, while making others think they were great. Some cousins were the "golden" cousins and never saw any of the verbal or emotional abuse.

It was very difficult explaining my reasons to those who insisted I visit people who had always been abusive, especially when they decided my reasons weren't valid. I no longer speak with any of my birth family, and this is one of the reasons.

Let your daughter maintain her distance, because what feels like "constant" reminding to call or pressure (even if it's not really that frequent) to have contact will potentially damage your relationship with your daughter.

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

If you were adopted, your birth family members more or less 'cut off contact' with you. Perhaps there were many issues that led to it, but as the adoptee baby the problems weren't your doing. Make your own choices, just like they did their own. The person who cuts contact only justifies their choice if they want to.

(0)

Report

1 2

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

How to handle a situation in which granddaughter will not contact grandfather?

38 Answers

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions