Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing
You don't say how old mom is but at your age, you could be caring for her for several more decades. You deserve to live your young life without the burden of caring for her.

It sounds like she has some memory issues and her physical needs exceed your abilities anyway. It is time to start looking for care for her. Do you have medical and financial POA? If not, get it immediately while she is still able to sign the papers.

Unless she has a lot of cash, most likely the house will need to be sold to pay for her care.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to LakeErie
Report

The positive side is that SHE will have optimal care in a memory care unit. You can then enjoy your mother as just that. You have been denied normal age and social development and have some catch up to do. It really is a win-win for you and mom. No regrets. You have done so well so far and 'passing the torch' is a wise decision, Keep us informed.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Violet2016
Report

Do something for your sake, and your Mom's well being. Contact your local department of health, and your Mom's primary health care doctor. A social worker will help you navigate getting your Mother better care. Her Doctor will help you, too. Tell your Mom you tried, but you can no longer care for her. I got my significant other into a facility. He went right into the dementia unit after about 3 weeks in a regular unit. He's adjusting. On another note, my neighbor is letting his wife wander the neighborhood, and she is hallucinating, and she can barely coordinate her body to move. She has advanced alzheimers. She even said 'he's going to wait until I break my neck'. She can't even remember her husband's name, and she resents him for leaving her, so he can get out of the house to attend to his businesses. She is having mobility problems and its just a matter of time before she gets injured. I have walked her back to her home a few times after she comes over to my house lost in her hallucinations. She smells sometimes too. You don't want this for your Mother. My significant other still has mental capacity, but he fell 11 times in a year and a half. He is only 64. He broke his vertebra in his back, and he had other injuries. He had a stroke at some point too. I listened to his doctors when they told me that he needed either hospice, or a nursing home. I have had a few social workers weigh in too. One social worker talked to him, and she told him that he had suffered enough that he needed more assistance than what I could provide in the home. Find help.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Dorothy68
Report
JustAnon Nov 8, 2025
Contact the authorities and report the neighbor so she can be moved by the state to a safe place.
(1)
Report
Isn't it baffling how folks such as your mom, who you say has mid-to-late stage Alzheimer's can still rule the roost?

It's possible that this may be a matter of being so distressed and exhausted to the bone that you can't think or trust any decision you may come up with.

But, forgive me, all over your post it sounds as though there is a lot more going on.

It's troubling to me to ask a person with mid-to-late stage Alzheimer's disease for help with unsupervised housework. My bad, maybe you're working from home. I can't imagine leaving a person who can't operate a microwave at home alone.

And having conversations with someone, (your mom who is not interested in your wellbeing, and you know it) rather than a mentally stable person about having a life has me wondering if you really take your life seriously. You may just want to vent. That's ok, but know and call it what it is. You may not be able or actually want to break the routine. There's a comfort to burrowing-in. It's familiar.

That your mom is capable of saying "Don't forget to take care of me" makes me question if your grooming didn't start well before the age of 27. All young people should want to fly away from the nest. All moms must prepare kids for the launch and flight. Some birdies can't. Accept who you are and find peace in it. Stop arguing with your mom.

I especially loved the brilliance of the other manipulation…"I can't believe you would do that". How about replying, to yourself - "I can't believe what I've done to myself". As of 18 you are 100% complicit in this game.

Seriously, your life as it is is predictable, and in a way safe. Think long and hard about what you would do if you didn't have mom and her house. Then think harder about how exactly you'd accomplish every aspect of taking charge and being alone. Alone and strong.

You may need to speak to a social worker or elder care manager to help you sort things out.

Don't ever give up working to care for your mom.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to MicheleDL
Report

My mil also left microwave cooking too long. Whole home smelled of burnt ash. My husband unplugged the microwave and told her it didn't work. She doesn't know it is unpluged. Glass plate broke that belonged on the turn table in microwave also.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Pennywise73
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter