Hello all!
I have been a caregiver to my mother for 8 years now, since I was 27. I am about to be 35. I am still living in my childhood home, haven't had a place of my own ever. My mom is now in mid to late-stage Alzheimer's. And it has become increasing difficult for me to find any happiness being a caregiver to her. I work a 9-5 /40 hour a week job. My mom doesn't clean, doesn't cook. She just watches TV all day. When I ask her for help with housework she responds "What's wrong with your hands" or will argue with me that something isn't dirty or doesn't need to be cleaned. So, asking her for help has become so exhausting that I have stopped asking her and just do it myself. But I'm tired, and it causes me to have resentment towards her because I have to pay all the bills, cook, clean, while she just sits there. I also try to have conversations about putting her into a senior assisted living facility so she's not isolated and I can have my life. She says that she will get depressed if that happens or just gets angry and says "I can't believe you would do that" She has started wandering, and I have to micromanage things she does, like use the microwave because I had to replace 3 microwaves over her putting things in there and setting the timer for 5 hours. I am just exhausted and honestly didn't ask to be a caregiver to her. She's my mom yes, but my life has been put on hold to take care of her and it's causing me to dislike her. Because anytime I try to talk about my life or wanting to have my own life her response is "Don't forget to take care of me" I don't know what to do, or how to navigate through this, so any advice or any personal experiences would be helpful.
I certainly can understand the resentment and anger about your situation. The sad part of your situation is you are losing your youth to caregiving.
I wish you all the best trying figure this out. Don't waste any time putting a plan in place. Tick tock.
There are many reasons for this .
Money being one ( who will pay mams bills ) but also one can feel so guilty ,responsible and anxious by leaving your mum .
Also this is a young person who is at an important stage of life where they may want a family of their own and time is not on their side .
I wish you the best of luck .
Please put yourself first while putting your mam in a good facility.She may like it .
You are in a very difficult situation and I feel for you .
If she doesn't own a home to sell, apply for Medicaid and get her placed in Skilled Nursing care that way. She'll have a safe place to live 24/7 and 3 hot meals a day, and you'll get your life back, which is long overdue.
Best of luck to you.