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From what you have written about the microwave being set for five hours, your mother can no longer be left alone. You need to work to support yourself and your mother either needs a paid caregiver to be there with her while you are at work or she needs to be in a facility.

I certainly can understand the resentment and anger about your situation. The sad part of your situation is you are losing your youth to caregiving.

I wish you all the best trying figure this out. Don't waste any time putting a plan in place. Tick tock.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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Dharma1969 Oct 10, 2025
As a person in a similar situation it’s not that easy to leave your mother and get a rented home .
There are many reasons for this .

Money being one ( who will pay mams bills ) but also one can feel so guilty ,responsible and anxious by leaving your mum .
Also this is a young person who is at an important stage of life where they may want a family of their own and time is not on their side .
I wish you the best of luck .
Please put yourself first while putting your mam in a good facility.She may like it .
You are in a very difficult situation and I feel for you .
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You are right to want your own life separate and independent from your mother. There is some good information on family enmeshment and mothers who expect daughters to be their caregivers. Perhaps the only reason they had them. It’s terribly unfair to you and not something you have to endure. You are young and at a great stage in life at age 35. Most everything is possible ahead. Get help in placing your mother in AL or MC and she will probably need skilled nursing home if she continues to decline. Choose guilt over resentment and do what is best for you. Do not explain or expect her to understand. Given what you shared, she may be incapable of real empathy for several reasons. Keep your job and routine and benefits for now, it’s stabilizing for you. Get a local social worker if needed to help her get her placed or if she has lots of money, a hired caregiver to replace you for most things. There is still plenty of oversight and decision making that will fall to you. But you need a separate, independent and free life that doesn’t revolve around your mother. Allows you to make spontaneous plans without concern for mother. It’s not selfish. You won’t “forget about her “ but you will leave her care in the hands of others and just oversee on your terms and go live your life and adventures. Don’t share too much happiness with mother, she may try to sabotage.
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Reply to Beethoven13
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Your mom needs to be placed somewhere so she can be safe. Start looking now. You do not discuss this with her. Once you find the right facility have some friends or relatives go with you to take her to her new home. I had multiple relatives go with me as mom was a flight risk. We are two years in and mom is doing so well there. I visit two hours a week and get to be a visitor, not the bad guy saying no all the time.
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Reply to JustAnon
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Place mom in Memory Care Assisted Living if she has the funds. Sell her home to finance it. You have POA which means you have the power to place her. She cannot be reasoned with, with this level of Alzheimer's, so stop trying to think she'll help you or pay attention to your needs. As her POA, it's your job to keep her safe, not listen to guilt inducing tactics from a sick mind. Now that she's wandering, she isn't safe at home, especially with you working full time. That she's cooking in a microwave and setting a 5 hour cycle is your proof. You're lucky she hasn't burned the house down, truthfully!

If she doesn't own a home to sell, apply for Medicaid and get her placed in Skilled Nursing care that way. She'll have a safe place to live 24/7 and 3 hot meals a day, and you'll get your life back, which is long overdue.

Best of luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Kelliekellz Oct 2, 2025
Thank you so much for your guidance! I will look into this right away
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What is your legal situation with regards to her, do you have medical and durable power of attorney? Has she been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s? You’re very young to have been put in this position, and 8 years is a long time to have had Alzheimer’s and still be able to be able to cook and clean, if she were willing.
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Reply to Slartibartfast
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Kelliekellz Oct 2, 2025
Hi! Yes I have POA and she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 8 years ago. Yeah, I don't know why she has disliked helping me, but she was used to being in control her whole life, including my whole life. Now she's no longer in that position, and I think that's what gets to her.
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