I'm on a guilt trip this morning. I've been trying to manage our finances so we don't lose our retirement. My husband had his own business and still insists that he will go back to it even though he was told he can't. He is convinced that he can still do his work and so we keep paying for his office, and his employees, to stay open. It's the biggest drain on our finances and has been for 2 years!! I have tried to reason with him but then learned that it was impossible! We are on a precipice so I have called our accountant who has been a friend for 45 years. Although we have been trying to do it the "nice" way, we decided this morning to pull the plug on the office. Boy oh boy! If you guys hear an explosion in the distance it will be the backlash from my hubby. I hope I'm wrong but this is what I expect from him because he has executive dysfunction and doesn't understand. He doesn't think he has a problem and doesn't want his life to change. It hurts my heart because he's been such a good man to our family, and his patients. Please pray for us to have a smooth transition with this. It's heavy on my heart because he just doesn't get it.
What you said makes perfect sense but he was trying to sell the practice. That hasn't worked out due to many things. His sabotage at first, then he didn't want to sell the building.......the list goes on. It was a lot of gaslighting me, telling me he was going to sell it. Too much to type! :)
Time has passed and money has been thrown at something that didn't generate income. We had an argument yesterday about his unwillingness to close things down. (That was a stupid move on my part!!) When has an argument ever done any good) Logic doesn't work and I have to say it did end well because we were very civilized afterwards. He'll be talking to our accountant in the next day or so and he has a neuro appt. on the 7th. Not much else to say at the moment.
Others have noticed a change in his personality. People he has dealt with for many years have made comments so it is noticeable to others. He won't be able to pretend he's okay forever. I am sad and hopeless a lot, but if some of this pans out maybe I'll be more hopeful.
As far as meds for depression, anxiety, or agitation, he's not taking anything. He does drink beer, 2 most of the time and sometimes 3 in the evening. He won't give that up and gets mad when I mention it. He has an appointment with a neurologist the 7th of October. I don't know if it'll do any good as he has only seen him once and that was right after his shunt placement. He wanted to go back to work and the neurologist sent him to a testing psychologist to determine if he could work. Standard for working in the medical field. She said no, he could not work, and since then he's been angry at her for it. I've heard that they really can't diagnose much until they see him a few times unless it's severe. He isn't severe but he does have the diagnosis from the psych evaluation. I intend to make a list of behaviors, and just things I've noticed to give to the neurologist. That way he can get some additional info. He's also seen a neurosurgeon so there's more diagnostic CT's and evaluations.
If he still has access to a phone and the internet, you may need to reconsider this as well if he is making calls and undoing what you are doing. I had to do this with my Mom. She even gets her aid to make calls for her and I had to put an end to that as well because it was creating unnecessary extra stressful work for me.
It will all take practice and a lot of self-talk to remind yourself that he can't help how he is, you didn't break him and you can't fix him but you are acting in the best interests of the both of you as you are on this journey.
Maybe consider an adult day care for him, or engage his friends to take him out a few times a month so you get a break.
Is he still driving? If so, should he be?
Also, I know you've been posting about this lately, so it would be helpful to just add on to your existing posts rather than starting new ones. This is so that responders will see your entire story in one thread and have the most context to give you the best support.
Been trying to figure out the site. There are different subjects and I thought I had to go to the one that applied.
I will try to do what you suggest as I do like easier, less complicated!