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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
He has Brady Kenetic type Parkinson’s and moves his arms very slowly. I dress him, feed him and sort out his meds. He has absolutely no balance and falls occasionally. I take him to physical therapy twice a week. He uses a walker and can’t walk without it. I empty four urinals 3 or 4 times daily. I had a squamous cell cancer plug removed from the front of my lower right leg and am supposed to be keeping it elevated. It has been 3 1/2. months and it is not healing because I have no time to elevate it. I also have essential tremors and spinal stenosis and back problems but very rarely get to rest. He doesn’t want anyone helping him but me.I am completely burned out but don’t know what to do. I really need help but don’t know what help is available. Can someone advise me?
Have you considered moving to Assisted Living? Depending on the level of care you sign up for, you can have dinner every day or all three meals, and housekeeping. Physical therapy will be in-house. The therapist may even come to your apartment. When he falls you'll have trained staff readily available to get him up and check him out. You'll both be able to get out to activities and socializing in the community, and everything will be accessible for your husband's walker. You can choose to have staff handle medication, if that will free you up to spend your time on other things.
If that's not feasible, do get in-home care. I don't have direct experience with this but others here have great advice, as always. "Too bad" if your husband doesn't want anyone else. You matter too. You may find that he enjoys having additional people to interact with, once they start coming in.
You need to hire in-home help to come in at least 4 hours a day from an agency to not only help your husband but also you with things around the house. That way when they're at your home you can rest and put your leg up so it can heal. And if that doesn't work you'll have to have your husband placed in the appropriate facility where you can get back to just being his loving wife and not his burned out caregiver.
He doesn’t want anyone helping him but you? Too bad for him. Respite care mentioned by Mayday is a good idea. It's also ok to hire in-home aids. You tell them it's only temporary until you're healed. By that time he'll be accustomed to the helpers and you keep having them if you want. You need to impress upon him that the alternative to you not healing is for him to be in a facility if something bad happens to you. You state it as a fact and you don't engage in debate over it. "I'm going to hire some aids to help me heal faster. They're starting XX morning." If whatever comes out of his mouth next isn't something agreeable or supportive you change the subject or walk away. Save your energy. It also gives him the message loud and clear that it's non-negotiable. As long as you have the funds to pay for it, do it.
Does he have any dementia (like Lewy Body or other) or memory impairment? If so then all the more do not engage in a debate with him. He will get over it and probably come to like the aids themselves.
Please make yourself a priority and take really good care of yourself!
Ask your doctor about respite care.. Your insurance may pay for it.. my friend's MIL did that.. she needed the much needed rest.. I forget who got the pampering away from home.. hubby or wife? Either way, she got the well needed rest away from him..
if hubby thinks you're not at the end of your rope and you are indispensable, he better wake up soon.. he is scared, and rightfully so..and he is in no condition to care for you. I'm sorry you are going through this... you need care too.. Ask your doctor about respite care.
stenosis.. when you get hurt, who is going to call 911? Do you two have the same doctor? Call them and ask about palliative care and hospice care. It'll bring a little bit of help in. If you are afraid of the repercussions of asking for help, then lean on your doctor. Get an appointment to see your doctor. Talk with your doctor about your home life and be very clear! Go see him in person.. the doctors should have resources they can discuss with you and figure out which avenue would be best. Tell him everything. If you have any kids, siblings, family, lean on them too.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If that's not feasible, do get in-home care. I don't have direct experience with this but others here have great advice, as always. "Too bad" if your husband doesn't want anyone else. You matter too. You may find that he enjoys having additional people to interact with, once they start coming in.
If that's not feasible,
And if that doesn't work you'll have to have your husband placed in the appropriate facility where you can get back to just being his loving wife and not his burned out caregiver.
Does he have any dementia (like Lewy Body or other) or memory impairment? If so then all the more do not engage in a debate with him. He will get over it and probably come to like the aids themselves.
Please make yourself a priority and take really good care of yourself!
Your insurance may pay for it..
my friend's MIL did that..
she needed the much needed rest..
I forget who got the pampering away from home.. hubby or wife? Either way, she got the well needed rest away from him..
if hubby thinks you're not at the end of your rope and you are indispensable,
he better wake up soon..
he is scared, and rightfully so..and he is in no condition to care for you.
I'm sorry you are going through this...
you need care too..
Ask your doctor about respite care.
when you get hurt, who is going to call 911?
Do you two have the same doctor? Call them and ask about palliative care and hospice care. It'll bring a little bit of help in.
If you are afraid of the repercussions of asking for help, then lean on your doctor. Get an appointment to see your doctor. Talk with your doctor about your home life and be very clear! Go see him in person.. the doctors should have resources they can discuss with you and figure out which avenue would be best.
Tell him everything. If you have any kids, siblings, family, lean on them too.