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my 76 year old husband has been helping to support his son (bipolar alcoholic) from a first marriage for 8 years. We have been married for 13 years, together for 23 years. Son was working and doing okay and then went off the rails for several years. Son has now been sober for 3 years, is finishing a B.S. degree and hopefully will get a better job (now working part time for Lyft, but I really worry how likely that will be, difficult personality) and is 42. I now have Parkinson's and my future is uncertain. I retired by not returning to work after separate over couple years and difficult knee replacement surgeries one surgery per each knee, the second knee replacement was not good and I am impaired, but it is not so bad that the surgeons will re-do it. I am afraid / am pretty sure that my husband's payments to his son will impair my ability to get Medicaid....Son is difficult to get along with and so lives separately. I love my husband and he is a good companion and takes care of the house: we live in the house he owns. Housing costs would be difficult for me to live alone. I just wish the son was not a financial problem. I am afraid that the five year look back will affect me. Would divorce help?

You very much need to see and Elder Law attorney in your state who can advise the best course, going forward.

Do not proceed on assumptions; get facts.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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See an Elder Law attorney who can advise you on contingency planning going forward.
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Reply to MG8522
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I second the comment about seeking the advice of an Elder Care Attorney.
Also if your husband is a Veteran and is no t connected with the VA health System get that in place ASAP it can help both of you in the future. Contact a Veterans Assistance Commission near you and look into it.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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JoAnn29 May 18, 2026
Wifes are not entitled to VA health. I know 2 men who use the VA hospital as their supplimental insurance. One wife pays for her own, the other her employer supplies.
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Please ask the attorneys you contact if they are experienced with doing LTC Medicaid filings in your State; and have expertise with possible “gifting” aka uncompensated transfer of assets situations.

Elder law attorneys are often geared to doing estate planning which tends to be all about lessening after death taxes and being able to transfer assets outside of probate. Your situation is not that. To me, you want a law firm that fully understands the Medicaid system in your State.

Also I’d suggest that you get in touch with whatever Parkinson’s support network that exists in your area. There will be someone who has had to go thru a transfer of assets situation and may have suggestions as to how they dealt with it &/or a law firm they used.
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Reply to igloo572
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An experienced attorney specializing in Elder Law will be able to discuss the best options for your situation, state specific regulations, personal goals, etc. Divorce can be a useful tool, as can irrevocable trusts. These are not DIY legal tools, a good Elder Law attorney can help.
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Reply to hikergirl1
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This is something my husband came across recently in a reliable forum he is part of that deals with finances, etc. There are a number of cases where chronically ill people have had to get divorces so that the healthy spouse doesn't go bankrupt or lose most of their assets. They divorce but usually keep living together because they love each other, they just don't want to "end up in the poor house" as my mom would say.

It's technically not legal to divorce for this purpose, but our medical/insurance system has pushed people into doing this. I have a number of chronic illnesses and our medical bills are sky-high. Hubby has a good job, and we don't want to end up in this situation.

We're fortunate in that hubby is a dual citizen, with citizenship in another country that has excellent healthcare and it's part of the social safety network. I would get the same healthcare as a citizen if we moved there, so we are planning to do that when he retires and after my parents pass (probably sometime in the next 5 years).

This is a very real problem, and I don't have an answer for you, but yeah, people do it. If you get caught, though, it's considered fraud.
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Reply to StacyAa
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Yes, see an Elder Lawyer. When considering Medicaid, assets are usually split. The spouse receiving care spends down their split and then applies for Medicaid.

If you don't have POA in place, you should get that set up. Financially and Mefically. A DNR. Make sure what assets you have there are beneficiaries in place. Your Will is made up. Good you are getting your ducks in a row.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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In my area, elder law attorneys specialize in estate planning. Mention Medicaid, they duck and run. Hopefully, in your area, it is different. There are Medicaid planners, but they are few and far between and they are as expensive as attorneys so be prepared.
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Reply to OldCowboy
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Obviously if you think you may need Medicaid it means you do not have any wealth or assets. So what’s the point of getting a divorce? If you had assets you would not be thinking Medicaid.
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Reply to Sample
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Slartibartfast May 22, 2026
Uh, many people have a home they'd prefer not to sell when someone still needs it to live in?
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Good you asked, last I checked they look back 5 years on
your income. And income/assets are all that matter to Medicare/medicaid. So if you can be healthy for 5 years go for it. Understand the spouse with the money will face the same dilemma. So if you have assets best to consult a financial planner. I would look into a trust. Even if you are poor, in my case 67.9 years single making less than 1900 per month, they increased my Medicare withholding to $700 because I made too much money 2 years ago. Now I am homeless making 1100 a month. F the irs.
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