Husband had stroke in 2009 causing him to have to retire and go on disability at the age of 50. 5 years ago he was diagnosed with vascular dementia. This year diagnosed with Parkinson’s. Received a call from Adult Protective Services 2nd day he was at his mom’s. Said they opened case against me for abuse to my husband. Then immediately got a protective order against me for 2 years. So I haven’t been able to talk or see him. I had to leave my job because of him. So for the last year we have been living off of his social security and pension. His mother totally manipulates him. So she has stoped his checks from being direct deposit in my account so now I have no income. The home we lived in the last 18 years was suppose to be willed to us. We have paid rent and done all the upkeep out of our own pocket and now I am forced to move out. It has been 3 months. I have called APS over and over again to find out what the caseworkers findings were. Needless to say she won’t call me back. I’m trying to find out how I can I get a copy of the report since I’m the one they are accusing. I think I should be able to read the report. Even though it’s not available to the public. I have never, nor would I hurt my husband. When he would fall, I’m the one who would start crying for fear of him breaking a bone. My life has been a living hell. What about my marriage? We’re do I stand from here? I am 61 and can’t afford to take care of myself on my own. I have an $800 car payment, between my Apt. rent and utilities almost $2000. That is the cheapest apt. that was decent. Does anyone have any suggestions or what options I have to clear me of the lies they said I did? I forgot to say, his family has lots of money. I would love to sue them for all they have put me through, put his mom in jail for getting up on the stand and lying to the judge. Thanks for taking the time out of your day to help me.
You're hopefully not just going on the word of your husband's family and/or an APS "worker". If you - yourself or your attorney, if you have one - haven't seen the actual order, then contact the ***court clerks'*** office and ask them for the details; as the Respondent, you should have been notified of the court proceedings and given a chance to answer the allegations in court, and if an order was passed against you, you should have been served with the order; (the allegations should be listed in the protective order, telling you what behavior you need to restrain from doing; it could run the range of not being allowed to curse in front of your husband to not being allowed any contact whatsoever). If none of that happened, then I am doubtful there is a legitimate order against you.
The only real way to fight an order of protection is with an attorney of your own who is well versed in how and why they are issued.
I will say that if APS DID go to court and WAS able to obtain an order of protection on behalf of your husband that either has been or is going to be in effect for 2 years - and I apologize, your post isn't clear which one it is - then APS had some sort of evidence that the court took pretty seriously. The courts can be quick to issue ***temporary*** orders of protection, but for one to be issued for that extensive amount of time, well, that's a little more complex.
Start by finding out if there is an actual order of protection.
You are not entitled to your husbands SS. If someone else is caring for him, they receive it. What your entitled to is what would be half of his SS . My husband and I started collecting at 62. My SS from working was $750, my husbands was $1500. I already was getting half of his so I did not receive anymore. If he was getting $2000, I would have been brought up to $1000. When he passes, you will receive the other 50% of his SS but what you have been receiving will drop. So for me, I would get the $1500 my husband receives and my $750 would drop off. So as soon as you turn 62 apply for SS. It won't be 100%, would have to wait till 67 for that.
You’re right — as his spouse, you should have the ability to understand the accusations and defend yourself. APS cases vary by state, but in many places you have the right to request records or findings, especially since you’re directly involved. It might be worth contacting an elder law attorney or legal aid services in your area — they often help caregivers in these situations and can advise on how to get access to reports, challenge protective orders, and protect your financial rights.
It also sounds like you need support both emotionally and practically. This is a lot for one person to carry, especially after years of caregiving. If you haven’t already, you might try reaching out to caregiver support groups (online or local) — sometimes just being able to share with people who understand makes a difference while you fight the bigger battles.
You’ve clearly been a devoted wife and caregiver. Please don’t lose sight of that truth, no matter what others say. You’re not alone, and there are steps forward — even if right now everything feels stuck.