Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Time for husband to move into a facility. If this can't happen then divorce him and move out. Sorry you are suffering because of your husband's abuse. The Alzheimer's only made it worse.
Hi. Been there done that. You’re scared. You’re running away. However it won’t work. You know you have to go back. I dont know where you live but you need to start with a good GP for help with your anxiety and depression. The GP should also be able to give advice on seeking more help with ur husband Tell your children help is needed. Be firm. Get help in finding all the support you and your husband are entitled to. Actively start telling yourself to sweep away the feelings of anger resentment I know this sounds corny but I recently started a daily spiritual meditation ap called Encounter. Also a great app called Bible one of the first thing I heard was “ Give your troubles to God”. I was sceptical but as soon as I think this I feel better. They have many plans to help your mental state. My husband has been in permanent care for nearly 4 yrs now with FTD and I was soooo pissed off with him because he was always demanding and passive aggressive but in hindsight I see that all the signs were there from the start I recently downloaded some books which I listen to in the car and at night. Mindfulness for Worriers and Cognitive thinking and The Power of Positive thinking. All these things together have helped me be more gentle in my interaction with my husband. I hope you can start getting him into respite care the full time care soon.
You have been married to a controlling and abusive man for a long time.
Yes, you need to leave, but this is NOT your kids' problem.
Have you spoken to a lawyer? (I think some of us may have advised that in the past).
Call the local (to him) police and ask for a wellness check. Tell them that you have a family emergency or health emergency of your own to attend to (you do).
If police find DH needs attention they will take him to ER for a "social admit".
Find yourself a quiet hotel room and take stock of your next steps.
I'm sorry you've hit the wall, I've been there done that. Are your family close enough to be able to step in over the weekend? Do you have a case worker you can call?
I’m so sorry your burnout has come to this. Instead of telling your adult children they must come provide care, let them know you cannot carry on as it’s been and you need their help for a new plan for care, either professional help in home or their dad moving to where professional help is available. This is crisis time for you both and care for you both is essential. Find a quiet hotel and spend a few days decompressing and healing. I wish you peace
Hi Pamela. I am so sorry you are feeling frazzled and desperate for a break. And definitely no judgment...it seems you have reached a burnout point. I am sure you will receive helpful input from others here on the forum. Hang in there, take a deep breath, and be safe on the highway as you sort things out. Maybe take a stop and get a really good meal for yourself? That bit of self-care may help you breathe a bit and think about the next steps. Sounds like you are in need of rest and a team of people to help you care for your husband. Or it's time to consider a facility. Prayers lifted for you.
Burnout is pretty much inevitable. Hiring respite care in-home helps but has minimal carryover when you come home. After four years, I am convinced most of us aren't wire for the verbal abuse that seems inevitable. One-on-one, particularly spousal caregivers are doing the right thing but maybe for the wrong reasons. My wife does best in a communal setting like our Bible study and worship on Sunday. I just enrolled her in a daycare arrangement and, if she doesn't balk over my leaving her there i the mornings, I think she will quickly come to enjoy the group activities. We took a couple of short visits there and she lit up each time as she went from person t person expressing her love for them as if she had known them all her life. She even does that to strangers in the grocery store. To repeat, most spouses are doomed to burnout and even disrespect which exacerbates the problems. Find a communal setting if your husband is not physically unable to attend.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
She has driven away and left him.
You have been married to a controlling and abusive man for a long time.
Yes, you need to leave, but this is NOT your kids' problem.
Have you spoken to a lawyer? (I think some of us may have advised that in the past).
Call the local (to him) police and ask for a wellness check. Tell them that you have a family emergency or health emergency of your own to attend to (you do).
If police find DH needs attention they will take him to ER for a "social admit".
Find yourself a quiet hotel room and take stock of your next steps.
If he needs urgent help, please call APS; don’t just drive away and abandon him.