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My 96 yo mom was afraid to live in her own home but wanted to be independent despite her dementia (she thinks she’s fine) so 2 years ago we moved her to assisted living. The sale of her mobile home paid the bill. Then she began falling and couldn’t live in her own room there and ended up in hospital. Doctor recommended RCFE (6 bed home). All they do it sit so she goes to senior center 2 days/week. Now her money has run out and we can’t afford $70K a year to keep her there. Medi Cal in CA has SOC because of her SS and small pension monthy. There isn’t a nursing home in area that has room and with cuts to Medicaid - it will be difficult. So we are making plans to bring her home - at least to see how she does. I am on the fence but what choice do we have? Attorneys are expensive and we can’t afford it. I am sandwiched between helping with grandchildren and now caring for mom. She is jealous of friends and huffs off. Anyone else in this dilemma - no money, little resources and feeling responsible for mom?
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WOW you are dealing with a lot with your mother. First, can you sit down and write down these things you mentioned on a list? Do you have someone you can brainstorm with someone like a geriatric manager or a specialist in dementia problems? Check with your local Aging and Disability for help. Ultimately you need to include your mother, if possible.

Second, for your own self care you need to set boundaries for yourself. This is a challenge in your situation. Can you find a coach or therapist to help you with this? You need the support of others outside of your immediate family.

REMEMBER: You care about your mother; otherwise, you would not have taken her into your house when you moved. It might be too late but if you could work out a contract with your mother it might help. But make sure it's in writing.

Take courage. You can do this!
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