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I’m thinking about getting him into a long term bed, hopefully in the same nursing home. I won’t be able to drive for 4/wks total.
I also have been caring for my mother who had a stroke 5yrs. ago. She is also in respite care so I can recuperate.
what are your thoughts about long term care for my husband? He is incontinent, I just went to tab top protective underwear for him.
Thanks

Your husband needs long-term care, no question about it. With your mother to worry about also, and now your own accident, you have enough on your plate.

The long-term care facility will have a whole team of professional aides to take care of husband. His health will continue to decline, and it's best that he be there.
I'm very sorry you're in this situation, and I send best wishes for your own quick recovery.
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Reply to Fawnby
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It's doubtful you'll ever find a better time to make the transition,
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Reply to cwillie
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Your body needs healing and rest. Take this seriously. Trying to be a caregiver to two people severely limits your ability to look out for your wellbeing. What good would you be to them if your health doesn’t improve or worsens? Keep your husband in care, hopefully mom can do the same. You’ll still be a caregiver, but one who’s rested enough to be their advocate, spouse, and daughter. I wish you peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Bottom line here is that you matter too in this situation, and if placing your husband long term in the facility he's in now helps you take better care of you, I say by all means go for it.
That way you can get back to just being his loving wife and not his burned out and unhealthy caregiver.
Your mother too needs to get placed long term in a facility so you can just be her loving daughter and not her burned out overwhelmed caregiver.
Brain bleeds are nothing to mess around with and you now need to relinquish your caregiving duties to the caring staff at these facilities where your loved ones will receive the 24/7 they both now require, so you can heal properly.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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What about both of them (your hubs and Mom) in the same LTC facility? You start by getting them assess for needing LTC by their primary doctors or the facility you are considering.

I'm so sorry for your fall... please make yourself the priority. Do you have any help or family members available to you, even if not local? You need to have a plan for the worst-case scenario, which is something more profound happens to you and are taken out of the picture. What will happen to your husband and Mom?
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Reply to Geaton777
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I agree with everyone about taking this seriously and taking care if yourself FIRST, which I doubt you have done in a long time. Depending on the circumstances of your fall and injury, maybe this is a time to look at a change for yourself, such as Assisted Living. Not meaning to dump yet another suggestion on you and overwhelm you, but as you're setting up placement for them, maybe you'll find a place that works for you to move into as well, selling your house if that's a safety risk. But in any case, please do your best to rest and let some others take care of you for a change. Good luck with it all and let us know how it goes, if you have time.
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Reply to MG8522
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I would say, you have them both in respite care just make it permanent.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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My brother is taking care of mom’s care, he’s her POA. I will have to call places tomorrow and see what they can do for my husband, I may wait until another day to do it, I’m just not feeling well. I can’t think about it right now. Maybe when I get some sleep. My husband is 82 and I’m 62, so I’m not ready for assisted living just yet!
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Reply to MissingHim
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Please be very, very careful about finding roommates as you say you are probably going to look for some. There are a lot of people out there that seem very sweet and helpful, but are looking to scam anyone they can or are violent addicts. You need lots of references, background check and IMO a contract via a lawyer. The last thing you need are squatters that bring other people into your home and make your life a nightmare or a new "best friend: that cleans out your valuables or bank account while you are away one day. You may think that it is cheaper to live at home, but make sure you have a concrete of idea of when that is no longer a good idea. There are many people who post here asking for help with a new roof, new wheelchair ramp, etc. It can get expensive making a house safe.
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Reply to JustAnon
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MissingHim Jun 26, 2026
A friend just suggested I get a “house boy”. 😏
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Rather than modifying your home to make the laundry easier, think about selling the house and moving to an independent senior living community. There, you will have people to socialize with. You may even find a community which includes different levels of care, so that your husband will be nearby.
I know, at 62, you're still young and independent. But for how long? This is a good time to make a positive move thinking about your future. Don't wait until a fall down the cellar stairs forces you to move. Or do you want to wait until you have dementia and can't make good decisions? Or maybe you think it will be time when you can no longer control your bladder or bowels or can't get up from the toilet. What will be your sign that you can no longer manage a house independently?

As JustAnon pointed out, it is very risky renting out rooms in your house to strangers! You are especially vulnerable if you are seeking roommates for company or companionship. There are people who will see this and take advantage of you! Just watch an episode or two of "Squatters" on A&E. Yikes!

People who are Not looking to take advantage probably don't want to socialize with you. They just want to mind their own business and privacy.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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MissingHim Jun 25, 2026
I will have to check into that. I do live in a paid off house, and I have a good support system in town. I’m friends with a couple of real estate agents who can help me out with figuring out what to do next/help find a good housemate.

These are just thoughts right now. I’m not going to make any rushed decisions.

One of my friends has lots of real estate and I am talking to him tomorrow.
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