I had tried to prepare her but of course she didn’t remember. She was so angry at me, looked me in the eye and said “ I can’t believe you did this to me”
I just couldn’t alone anymore. My siblings are mostly in California, as are her grandchildren so I chose a place near to them so they can visit.
Its 2 weeks now and she’s still having crying days, some good, but mostly bad. On phone calls she says she’s waiting to get picked up to go home.
Im sad but it was for the best, professionals there who know how to take care of her as a team, not just her daughter by herself.
I just need to know how others handled this.
Thank you
As much as I try, I usually can’t help feeling sorry for her. I suggest that she go out and sit with the other ladies, and she snaps back with some cranky answer, which basically means, “no way”. 😵💫
Yesterday, I received THREE different videos from the Activities Director from 3 DIFFERENT activities. There was my mother in each of them. She was dancing. Using musical instruments. Throwing a ball, during a game. 🤦🏻♀️
I’m not going to believe a word my mother says, any longer. I’ll just try and remember that it’s her dementia that is narrating any sob story she tells me, NOT reality. 🫤🙄
The Language of Letting Go
Responsibility for Family Members
I can still remember my mother clutching her heart, threatening to have a heart attack and die, and blaming it on me.
—Anonymous
For some of us, the idea that we were responsible for other people's feelings had its roots in childhood and was established by members of our nuclear family. We may have been told that we made our mother or father miserable, leading directly to the idea that we were also responsible for making them happy. The idea that we are responsible for our parents' happiness or misery can instill exaggerated feelings of power and guilt in us.
We do not have this kind of power over our parents - over their feelings, or over the course of their lives. We do not have to allow them to have this kind of power over us.
Our parents did the best they could. But we still do not have to accept one belief from them that is not a healthy belief. They may be our parents, but they are not always right. They may be our parents, but their beliefs and behaviors are not always healthy and in our best interest.
We are free to examine and choose our beliefs.
Let go of guilt. Let go of excessive and inappropriate feelings of responsibility toward parents and other family members. We do not have to allow their destructive beliefs to control our feelings, our behaviors, our life, or us.
Today, I will begin the process of setting myself free from any self-defeating beliefs my parents passed on to me. I will strive for appropriate ideas and boundaries concerning how much power and how much responsibility I can actually have in my relationship with my parents.
From The Language of Letting Go, by Melodie Beattie, Hazleden Foundation 1990