My dad is 84, competent, lives alone and can take care of himself (bathing, cooking, dressing). BUT he has had 2 accidents on his own property that have resulted in property damage to his home and the vehicle, and a third one that resulted in being pulled out.
The first one happened last year. He somehow backed into his deck (old but still usable), bringing the whole deck down. A couple months ago, he backed into the front driveway over a concrete slab (that remained from the deck) and the car had to be pulled out and over. Two days ago, he backed in that same driveway over that same concrete slab, hitting the chimney and knocking the whole chimney down. I believe the car will be totalled, it's that bad. All three times he had to be on the gas pretty hard. His excuse is either "I don't know what happened" or "my foot slipped." But I think he knows what happened.
I never drove with him on the road, but his friend did and she said he was off the road. So, yesterday, I took his keys. I hated every minute of it. I explained to him that this could happen in the grocery store parking lot or the diner where he goes, but he tried to tell me otherwise. I also have the help of his friend. In the end, he gave them to me but it was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
Am I right to do this?
It was definitely time.
"My foot slipped" is no excuse. "I don't know what happened" is even worse.
Third time's a charm in this case. He's had 3 "incidents" with significant damage, These weren't "love taps" but full blown mistakes. Dangerous mistakes.
Sure it sucks to feel like a mean son, but trust me, you are totally doing what you should. He can learn how to call Uber or Lyft for a ride.
I don't know if you're his son or daughter but it is a tough thing to be the one to take the roll of parent to a parent. But think how you would feel if a child were found under his wheel. Think how he would feel? Think how the mother of that child would feel.
No question it's the necessary thing. You're saving him from a horrific punctuation to his life.
At the 4 month mark, she tripped and fell making her now reliant on a walker.
Looking back, driving a car requires a lot of hand/eye/leg coordination that I just took for granted.
See All Answers