Follow
Share

My dad is 84, competent, lives alone and can take care of himself (bathing, cooking, dressing). BUT he has had 2 accidents on his own property that have resulted in property damage to his home and the vehicle, and a third one that resulted in being pulled out.


The first one happened last year. He somehow backed into his deck (old but still usable), bringing the whole deck down. A couple months ago, he backed into the front driveway over a concrete slab (that remained from the deck) and the car had to be pulled out and over. Two days ago, he backed in that same driveway over that same concrete slab, hitting the chimney and knocking the whole chimney down. I believe the car will be totalled, it's that bad. All three times he had to be on the gas pretty hard. His excuse is either "I don't know what happened" or "my foot slipped." But I think he knows what happened.


I never drove with him on the road, but his friend did and she said he was off the road. So, yesterday, I took his keys. I hated every minute of it. I explained to him that this could happen in the grocery store parking lot or the diner where he goes, but he tried to tell me otherwise. I also have the help of his friend. In the end, he gave them to me but it was the hardest thing I ever had to do.


Am I right to do this?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Absolutely. You may have saved his life (or someone else's) by what you did. A very wise decision. Very responsible, loving and caring of you.
It was definitely time.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

Yup. You did the brave and right thing.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

Yes. You are right.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Yes, you are 100% right. Don't feel bad at all. If he injures or kills an innocent person, he will loose everything he has, including his house. If he can't back up carefully on his own property, he shouldn't be driving at all. He's not as "competent" as you may think. If he has Alzheimers or dementia, he probably shouldn't be living alone. He could start a fire, and burn his house down.

"My foot slipped" is no excuse. "I don't know what happened" is even worse.
Third time's a charm in this case. He's had 3 "incidents" with significant damage, These weren't "love taps" but full blown mistakes. Dangerous mistakes.

Sure it sucks to feel like a mean son, but trust me, you are totally doing what you should. He can learn how to call Uber or Lyft for a ride.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Yes. For the safety of others in himself. Are there any social services that are close to him?That can help him with ride share?
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

It's heart wrenching to take car keys away from someone you love. Of course you did the right thing.
I don't know if you're his son or daughter but it is a tough thing to be the one to take the roll of parent to a parent. But think how you would feel if a child were found under his wheel. Think how he would feel? Think how the mother of that child would feel.
No question it's the necessary thing. You're saving him from a horrific punctuation to his life.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I hate living in an area that isn't walkable and has poor public transportation. Old people deserve to be able to stay busy and go out without relying on other people. However, safety comes first. You probably saved a life or multiple lives by taking away his keys. I remember seeing a YouTube video “cleanup” after a confused senior ran into an innocent shopper in a parking lot. It doesn't have to be on the road. Just by confusing forward and reverse in a parking lot can get someone killed. You don't want that on your conscience.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
jemfleming May 7, 2025
You are so right. There needs to be more transportation services for people who can’t or don’t drive - especially seniors who have to give it up. I wish more companies would form to fill this need. Maybe UBER and LYFT could offer special rates and some training to drivers willing to transport seniors.
(1)
Report
yes, you did the right thing. Does he live alone or with others? My Mom lived alone when she gave up her car keys. Within 4 months, we noticed changes to her physical and mental health. The first change was that she was unsteady on her feet, so she started relying on a cane more.

At the 4 month mark, she tripped and fell making her now reliant on a walker.

Looking back, driving a car requires a lot of hand/eye/leg coordination that I just took for granted.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Yes definitely you did the right thing. My husband keeps asking me to take him to renew his drivers license yet I know they won’t renew it. He asks me every day and week even though we explained that he can’t drive anymore. I’m afraid that if for some reason they renew it he’ll take the car and drive it. He has advanced parkinsons.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
jemfleming May 7, 2025
Some states will renew without a test. Some require a form from the eye doctor but the standards are so low you can be almost blind and still get a license for daytime driving. Virginia is one of those states. I couldn’t believe they renewed my 98 y/o father’s license. It took a neurologist to write in and ask for it to be canceled. But, a revoked license and no insurance will not stop a determined senior who has dementia from getting behind the wheel. It is not a risk anyone should take.
(0)
Report
Yes, you did the right thing. I knew it was time for my dad to stop driving when I was in the car with him and he pulled out in front of an 18 wheeler and we had other mishaps when he drove. He was mad but I explained to him that he could cause an accident and severely injure himself , someone else or worse, kill someone.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter