I walked out on my parents with no intention of continuing care after an extremely hurtful experience. How do I stay strong and escape the guilt?

After almost dying of pneumonia 5 weeks ago Dad (90) miraculously recovered but fell a few days later from his hospital-bed and broke his cheekbone. He had to undergo surgery and felt so frail that he asked me to find him a place in AL, fearing that he would not be able to deal with my demented Mother (80) at home anymore.

I was skeptical since on multiple former occasions he had already turned down AL places last minute, but ok: I set the process in motion once again. Spent hours on the phone trying to find him a place nearby, did a lot of paperwork, transported his things to the AL - got everything prepared and assisted in his admission interview etc. Everything seemed well.

Early morning after just one night in AL he attacked me via phone in the most icy and hateful way for having taken his freedom away, something I had "secretly and maliciously been planning for the last few years", and he "thanked" me for getting rid of him "just like this". Two hours later he was back in his own house with the help of a friend.

His attack left me in total shock, the more as he is NOT suffering from dementia but is clear-minded and highly eloquent. For the last 5 weeks I had torn myself apart between his hospital stay(s), doctors calls, finding AL and spending time with Mom so she does not feel too lost. Again, I neglected my son, my house, my friends, myself ---- so I was so furious and hurt by his comments that I could hardly breathe. After a long cry I withdrew my contact number from all services regarding my parents and gave my brother's number instead, canceled POA and felt RELIEF.

In the evening my brother called, after a long talk he obviously had with Dad, and tried to make excuses for Dad's behavior (old, afraid of death, frail etc.). Once again I was supposed to push my own feelings aside like I did all my life, being a typical parentified child, and was asked to call Dad for the sake of "peace". I refused. Told my brother that I was done for good.

Shortly after my mother called, wailing on voicemail that I should call my poor suffering father. He did not even have the courage to call himself but let Mom and Bro do the diplomacy. By that time, I knew that this pattern I knew only too well from childhood would repeat and repeat endlessly until I would get out, so I called Dad (who was not even apologizing, pretending he would not remember what he had said) and told him as calmly as possible that he could live as he wanted and I would honor his freedom, but it was about time I honored my own freedom, too. I would not accept to be treated this way anymore and that it obviously would be better for their sake and mine if I stopped my caregiving role altogether.

Haven't heard from him since, but the first "flying monkeys" already tried to manipulate me back into the system. Seems the smear campaign and pity party are set in full motion. To clarify: it is not only my Father who regularly puts me down and makes me responsible for his feelings, but my Mother even more, so she is not an innocent victim here.

How do I prevent falling back into the trap? I cannot stand another round of abuse, but having been trained all my life to put my parents' needs first, I fear I might not withstand the outside pressure and internal guilt, especially since death may be around the corner.

Any suggestions would be very helpful. Thank you!