On August 6, I explained that my mother believe that her home was a nursing home. Mom believes that there are others living in the home, when it is just her and my brother (who is kind of the primary caregiver). On the nights he has to work, I am there with mom. I also wrote how she can confuse us with another family member. The feedback I received from your answers were helpful. I went back and followed up on the suggested readings that were given for clarity. I was with mom last night and everything was somewhat normal. There were no talks about other people in the house, and she called me by my name. When my brother came home, I was hoping to get mom upstairs in bed so that my brother and I can sit and talk about what I read in the search. Mom was not ready to go up yet even though she was seconds earlier. So, I explained to them both in what I read of Sundowning and how it is connected to dementia. Plus, explaining the possible need of getting checked for dementia and a thorough in person physical lab work. It was tough saying this, I wanted mom to know that we loved her and that we weren't doing her any justice being quiet and pretending this is normal. My mother has a doctor's appointment this coming Tuesday. I remember mom saying to me one night that she had a lot on her mind and I did not want to give her something else to wary about. On my drive home, I wonder if I did the right thing explaining all of this to mom in this manner. Honestly, I really want to try and make mom comfortable in her home. I am not sure if I want to put mom in a home at this time. Often, I pray to God for his guidance in me to make the right decisions. Now, I am silent, and I am listening. To You.
It is a hallmark of dementia that MOST people are deep in denial and tend to become very angry if it is suggested that they are "no longer in control" of their faculties.
The one knowledge that persists for human beings is that when they are not in control someone else will be, and that's very fear provoking.
My brother was a kind and gentle man, very monk-like, if you will. He was meticulously well organized. None of this stopped his progressing into Lewy's dementia. He was lone, at the other end of the state, and it wasn't until I visit I understood something was amiss. But couldn't pinpoint it and left again, only to get "the call" that he'd had an accident. His neighbor told me that as he way lying in her arms he kept repeating "I KNEW something was wrong. I KNEW it". In hospital a thorough neuro workup diagnosed him with probable early Lewy's Dementia. He was so cooperative that I believed perhaps a traumatic brain injury, but sure enough, he was meticulous in discussing his symptoms as with all other things. His hallucinations were fascinating. Some would be brief awful visitations of fear, brought on often by patterned wallpapers, rugs, marbles. But the night hallucinations were elaborate. Poor parties in which he could explain everyone there, how dressed and etc. He HAD NO POOL.
During the one year that bro made me POA and Trustee of Trust he moved into ALF where he continued his meticulous way of life and he WANTED to discuss his diagnosis, said he was not glad to know where it might "take him" but was glad to know why he saw the world so differently, why swallow was so poor, why hallucinations (especially with anxiety, and why such poor balance.
This is a journey you are on. Your God is perhaps your comfort, but he doesn't have the answers that online does. So go there an learn. If you and mom wish to make a game of it, go to youtube and search "MoCa test and SLUMS test" and other dementia tests, and let mom take them with you. This will let you know if you are ready to go talk to doc about this in depth. If you are correct you and bro now will need to make plans for now and for the future.
Take great care, go slow. Be non judgmental. Don't force and don't argue. Your first step is to LEARN all you can about dementia, and all the different types involved. As Geaton will tell you, the internet is your friend.
Good luck. Though I am an atheist I am thankful you have a faith to lean upon which provides you with comfort, but much of this is just good hard work, no matter your belief or lack of them. My heart goes out to you.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/my-mom-believes-her-home-is-a-nursing-home-495912.htm
elgy651960,
Please keep all your updates in one post. Making multiple posts makes it very difficult for people to follow your story and all it does is cause you to be asked to re-explain basic information.
I'm glad your talk seemed to go well. Dementia isn't a line that one crosses, where one day you don't have it and the next you have it all the time. It is gradual. Your Mom first needs a full physical to discount a UTI, which can create the symptoms you are seeing in her, or other health issues that are treatable.
An important step would be for her to make sure all her legal ducks are in a row: she needs to have a PoA for medical and financial in place before she is considered legally incapacitated to take this step.
Now that does not mean that your mom will remember any of what you told her, but you will know that what she was told was out of love and in her best interest.
I hope and pray that you will get the much needed answers from this upcoming doctors appointment, and that you will have peace about any decisions that have to be made going forward.
Now wait for Tuesday. Take each day at a time. It may take quite a while to ask questions, find some answers, find good information, sort it, seek advice & find a pathway. No need to rush.. this may be a long journey.