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Still in good health. So why can’t I decide. Daughter and son in law are great. I just want more space to call my own. Any advice on this subject

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Yes to everything suggested by Fawnby.

If you don't go out and live the best you can while still truly independent, the likelihood it will ever happen while living with your daughter and SIL decreases with every passing month. Not to mention: as much as they love having you, they cannot really imagine what a toll the loss of privacy has on their marriage and individual mental health, not to mention your privacy as well. We read about it all the time here on this forum.

Pleaes make sure all your legal ducks are in a row: PoA assigned, Advance Healthcare Directive written and submitted, Will or Trust finalized. Maybe even consider touring facilities so that if you ever have to go into MC, LTC or hospice, you can name which place and therefore still control your choices even when you can no longer verbalize them. Your kids will be eternally appreciative of this wise planning.

I'm sorry for the loss of your husband. May you receive peace in your heart as you move forward and live out your best days yet.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Excellent advice from Fawnby!
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Reply to Dawn88
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Of course you should get your own apartment! Enjoy your good health, have your own life, and don't burden your loved ones. There's a lot for you to experience in life after losing your husband. Look for a retirement community where you can start in independent living, then advance to their assisted living program later, then to long-term care if you need it. You'll make new friends, have recreation and entertainment, even travel on trips arranged by the community.

Here's a little secret: No matter how much your loved ones say they love having you with them, they've adjusted their previous life to take you in. Great, but what they now have to consider is if you're all right if they travel, or if you can be alone for the afternoon if they have something else to do, etc. etc. etc. If you get really sick, what happens? You camp on their couch needing more and more care while they continue to downsize and restrict their own lives to take care of you? Do you honestly want them to have to do that? When there's a better alternative, like assisted living with care by nice professionals who enjoy taking care of you?

I'm about to become a widow. I will never impose on my children no matter how much they insist that I'm welcome. I relish my independence and look forward to being my own person - not theirs - as long as possible. I'm in your age group and so are a lot of my friends in our 55+ community. Not one of us would want to live with our kids. You have a unique opportunity to grow and learn and have fun. Do it, and good luck.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Daughterof1930 Aug 1, 2026
Well said! Your positive outlook is to be admired
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