My husband of almost 30 yrs is divorcing me because "I want to be single". I'm scared I will be left penniless. He charged me with "mental cruelty", just the opposite is true. I then went to see a lawyer with help of my daughter. I'm afraid to drive far.
I have money in a TSP acct. a checking acct., a couple of small savings accts. & a small IRA.
I've no idea how much money he has been hiding all these years. While he was up north I was opening all the mail & found an acct. I had no idea existed.
I have serious medical issues including heart failure, bad spinal arthritis & a bad memory problem most of my life. I was treated for the memory issue for the 25yrs I worked but the FDA took the med off the market so had to leave my career.
My doctors are not nearby. My daughter works full time, lives & works a good distance away has been making & taking me to appts. She has been purchasing groceries for me. I pay her for these plus a little for gas.
I need home care such as light housekeeping but with the utilities and taxes and those unexpected repairs I know I can't afford it. My daughter also brings me some meals. I can't stand for more than a few minutes without severe pain & walking a short distance I become out of breath. I've also gotten dizzy & fallen so very afraid to walk alone even to the mailbox.
I looked into Medicare & they won't pay for something like housekeeping unless I need home nursing care. I take quite a few meds & get confused as to what I need to order & sometimes have forgotten to take them although I have a large med container.
I really don't know what to do and even though I know I need help I don't know how to get it. I have difficulty understanding (memory problem).
If possible, I would make sure you have medical proof with you, at the time. Try to get copies of your medical records from your doctors, so you can present them to the judge, when you bring this up. Any receipts for medication, or any special needs you've had to, (or will have to), pay for (or that he's paid for in the past).
This will save a lot of time, and court dates. A judge does not just take someones word, regarding situations like this. And of course, your husband may tell the judge that there's nothing wrong with you, to try to sway him from ordering him to pay. I would also try to get proof of his income/finances, before he tries to hide his money, and any assets. He may even try to convince his boss to pay him partial, or all of his salary off the books. Maybe you can find some of his pay stubs.
One last thing .... Anything that's in both your names, get his name off. That means closing any joint bank accounts. I would see if he has a will also. I don't quite understand the will part, but I do know of people that are ordered to make provisions for their ex-spouses, if they should pass away. Second wives shouldn't get everything that you put 30 years into. Nor should your children be cut out either. Check out life insurance policies too. HIS and YOURS! Again, I'm not sure what that entails, but I would look into it.
It couldn't hurt to join a support group ... You'll not only get the emotional support you'll need, but you'll also get advice. Remember, some of these women have been through what you're going through right now.
Once you've reached the actual court, it starts getting real tricky.
Good luck and God Bless you, during these trying times. :-)
thought life is your self and your love for others hey if you don't want to divorce him just let him go shopping him the door and tell him the roads that way then close it if he's saying divorce he is looking for his share of property money money money your sick hang on to your home he's healthy let him move to a new town and pay his share of the home or apartment till you want to move tell him we all pay for our freedom separate into two people
Fear not and be brave. Get a big pocket folder and create your own set of copies of every financial/medical/legal document you have. Your attorney will instruct you on what documents you need. With your daughters help, getting organized is your strongest weapon and will help give you confidence to endure the battle ahead. At the same time, look to your own care. Get all the help you need with the help of your daughter and attorney. You are entitled to create a new and safe life for yourself. Best wishes to you.
You might want to read the terms and conditions of the site as they address religion.
Go do this in private, if you want to continue. Try to stay on topic here.
Imamess - Please delete my posts, They have become a distraction to some. I hope that your situation is resolved in your favor. God Bless You.
Anoel, your initial post wasn't a distraction by itself. It was the ensuing "discussion" that strayed further off topic. I hope you will stay on board, as I believe your experience and personal approach to dealing with it is as valid as any.
I am not stating this from a religious standpoint, but as a person that believes that praying (for peace, for being calm, for having mental clarity, for knowing that I am doing the right thing), is very important.
Meditation,
Yoga
All of that is the same type of thing.
Forgiveness for most people is the beginning of healing, AFTER all of the CRISIS has settled down.
Just my thoughts.
Also having a husband that is bed fast, even though he is a very wonderful person, I can see that if it was not for the caregivers helping me with my husband, and the new health issues that I now deal with, we would both just HAVE to go to a care center to live, especially if our son who is footing most of our expenses now, and another son who is helping around the home, yard, doing needed repairs and is driver of car to take me to doctor appointments etc. and our two daughters to fill in part time on various occasions. that will permit them to do so. We would already HAVE to be in a care center. As I I look about my home, and realize there may come a time in the near future, to make the big decision to go to a living center of sorts, where someone can over see the necessary needs of the day for either or both of us. My husband can only travel to and fro from hospital as needed by ambulance. Ambulance takes him to hospital, when over the emergency, brings him back home.
If you continue to have to be alone, it might be well that you purchase or rent the popular measures for persons living alone these days. A Life alert system where you push a button for help if you would fall and can't get up, or have other emergencies in the home. It is really hard to re-adjust too changing situations, be it caused by someone else, or just plain unexpected events to deal with in our lives. If you could afford to have round the clock in home care person, that would be a helpful solution. If not, it might do well to look into other options for your safety, comfort, and peace of mind. I send my neighbor love to you, and hope you and your family will hit upon just the right solution to help you through these troubled times. joylee